100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Never having been married may not be so bad. | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
Coping has been a learning experience and I feel I have many women online to thank for it. I married the first lady and it lasted four years. We took the five year break from each other and got married again for 13 years. The first time she divorced me and the second time I divorced her. The third marriage I had was to a different woman and it lasted six and a half years until she died. I felt like I had been born married after all that. Then when I met another lady and it last two months till she died I can remember thinking screw marriage and dating because they will just die on you any ways. But then I remember my mom saying at the last funeral you poor thing how on earth will you survive. Mom let me know that it was possible to survive and even be happy because she had two men die on her. The wonderful thing I have found about being single is that you can be your better half.  Hmm, how does that work exactly? How can I be my better half? Doesn't sound like much fun. Well, there really isn't any better half. You have to be a whole person and they have to be a whole person. Married to half a person is really less fun if you think about it. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was out last night at a singles over 45 meet up. I talked to many people who spent anywheres from 20 to 27 years of marriage before they divorced. These people were truly devasted about the divorce and really felt lost in the dating scene. I really felt for these people as they were so co-dependent on someone for so long and now they are all alone. I can't even imagine how awful and awkward they feel. It made me feel a lot better about never being married. I couldn't imagine giving my heart to someone for 20 years and then having them walk out of my life. I am just wondering how those of you that had been married for a long time are coping. Hi navygirl...i am going to make my 20 year anniversary of being DIVORCED in august and i have no regrets being single... WITH no kids... IN the Asian culture..this is a NO NO.. I know in some cultures ..woman after 25 who are not married with kids are STONED TO DEATH. Thats why I dont go as much to my country the Philippines as i used to...The people cant accept people my age who are still divorced for such as long time as me..... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was young and dumb once, she got pregnant and I thought I had to "do the right thing" so we got married... That was the wrong thing to do but it did give me a little insight to the other side. Now I can at least say that I tried the married life and I know it is not for me. The only married that might be good is "Common Law Marriage" where you are considered married after living with your spouse after so many years. Too many people stay together just because they are too worried of the stigma of being divorce so they stay in an unhappy relationship. I would rather live with someone without that piece of paper (that is all the marriage certificate is anyways) that way there is a better chance that the person I wake up with every morning actually wants to be there and is not just there because of that little piece of paper telling her that is where she belongs...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I stayed married 21 years. I felt like a total failure when we split. Somewhat like Queenies mother I fell apart & drank heavily. Ended up at 40 years becoming an alcoholic & drug addict. Went to a rehab to get straightened out. Something I'm not proud of but don't hide from relationships. What's really hard to explain to men after 3 years is that I'm still married & no plans for a divorce. Even tho we are no longer together my ex's family & religion doesn't believe in divorce. Since I have no plans to ever marry again I see no reason to hurt my ex more by having him blackballed by his family & church. I think back over the years & think maybe things could have worked but we'd both given up on trying. My ex is a good man & deserves someone who'd make him happy. But, I don't see him going against his church & family to find someone & remarry again. If that be the case then I'll eventually divorce.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I guess I can add my two cents. I was happily married for 16 of the 18 years we were together. When I finally understood we had different expectations of the relationship, I knew it was time to for that relationship to end. No fighting or anything like that, but she is no longer the person I want to spend my time with and I feel better with her out of my life. I have no regrets, since if I'd not made the decision to marry, I'd be a very different person today. I was willing to take a shot, and ended up with more happy memories than sad ones, so I think it worked out OK. Would I get married again? I honestly don't know, but I suspect probably yes if I met the right person.
Cheers. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have never been married. I have no kids. I am totaly content.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was out last night at a singles over 45 meet up. I talked to many people who spent anywheres from 20 to 27 years of marriage before they divorced. These people were truly devasted about the divorce and really felt lost in the dating scene. I really felt for these people as they were so co-dependent on someone for so long and now they are all alone. I can't even imagine how awful and awkward they feel. It made me feel a lot better about never being married. I couldn't imagine giving my heart to someone for 20 years and then having them walk out of my life. I am just wondering how those of you that had been married for a long time are coping. Not married for that amount of years was not able to have the chance of doing so to be honest with you. I was never dependant on my husband to say the least he was dependant on me for everything. Having been on the dating sites for a few months now if they are like what I have experienced then I shall become a nun lol. First few months can be the hardest to find your feet again, harder I suppose to if you have children involved? There is of course the duration that a divorce takes. It does not matter how many years the pain is still there whatever the length of time! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was out last night at a singles over 45 meet up. I talked to many people who spent anywheres from 20 to 27 years of marriage before they divorced. These people were truly devasted about the divorce and really felt lost in the dating scene. I really felt for these people as they were so co-dependent on someone for so long and now they are all alone. I can't even imagine how awful and awkward they feel. It made me feel a lot better about never being married. I couldn't imagine giving my heart to someone for 20 years and then having them walk out of my life. I am just wondering how those of you that had been married for a long time are coping. I've never been married before and that's fine with me. People often ask why I haven't been married, as if there's something wrong with me. But, many times when I meet someone who has been divorced, they're either not over what happened, or they're extremely bitter. Not everyone, but many. So, not having been married is fine with me and I don't assume that some guy I'm interested in dating has something wrong with him if he hasn't been married either. |
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
heavenlyboy34
on
Mon 02/07/11 08:51 AM
|
|
I have never been married either. I am better off for it. I ain't nearly as wrinkly and grey with the life sucked out of me as most people much younger than me. I feel for those folks...but, that was a decision they made. I guarantee you those divorces were a long time in coming. The comfort of stability is a reason why people try to make the unworkable work. People just refuse to see the emminent cause they think change is a heavier cross to bear. It is all traumatic. Ain't none of it is easy. But, people get locked into futile situations and desperately cling to ships that are sinking beneath them. I have done it...we all have. The odds of a marriage working are less than winning in Vegas. I can't blame them for trying.... Still....Not being married no longer carries the stygma that it used to....now, people like you and me aren't pariahs....we are the ones who didn't commit to lost causes. Wow Krupa; that is very insightful. I still get the odd looks when I tell guys I have never been married. They think there is something wrong with me because I never married. Makes me feel a tad awkward sometimes. Yeah...that only lasts until they realize you haven't aged. Then the Milf factor becomes an aphrodisiac.... Women will look at you with spite for not having been through thier miseries... Men will look at you with lust because you haven't become jaded, faded and bitter. You are a commodity to be sought after....Believe it! Hear, hear!  As to the OP, I've never been married and I'm almost 30. I feel better single than being in a miserable relationship, for sure. Don't feel bad if you never get married. Ludwig Von Beethoven never married either!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
After 17 years of marriage, four children and a husband that became so involved with his work he had no time for his family, I filed for divorce.. We didn't own a house and I only took some of the furniture and my car..No alimony and only a little bit of child support(court ordered)....After being single 3 yrs I married a man I had known for 25 yrs..He had lost his wife to cancer and had 3 children.. We merged our families and had a wonderful 26 yrs until he died..Being single again for almost 4 yrs, not sure if I want to remarry but would like to have a good relationship with a good man. Both my exs are gone now and I carry no baggage nor am I bitter about my first marriage..The children and gkids are grown and I just want to enjoy my retirement years ...with or without someone...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was out last night at a singles over 45 meet up. I talked to many people who spent anywheres from 20 to 27 years of marriage before they divorced. These people were truly devasted about the divorce and really felt lost in the dating scene. I really felt for these people as they were so co-dependent on someone for so long and now they are all alone. I can't even imagine how awful and awkward they feel. It made me feel a lot better about never being married. I couldn't imagine giving my heart to someone for 20 years and then having them walk out of my life. I am just wondering how those of you that had been married for a long time are coping. Not married for that amount of years was not able to have the chance of doing so to be honest with you. I was never dependant on my husband to say the least he was dependant on me for everything. Having been on the dating sites for a few months now if they are like what I have experienced then I shall become a nun lol. First few months can be the hardest to find your feet again, harder I suppose to if you have children involved? There is of course the duration that a divorce takes. It does not matter how many years the pain is still there whatever the length of time! Well, all these folks had adult children so that wasn't an issue. They just felt lost without a partner and were having a hard time coping with that. I suppose after 20 years of being with someone; it would be hard to be on your own not matter what the circumstances. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have never been married either. I am better off for it. I ain't nearly as wrinkly and grey with the life sucked out of me as most people much younger than me. I feel for those folks...but, that was a decision they made. I guarantee you those divorces were a long time in coming. The comfort of stability is a reason why people try to make the unworkable work. People just refuse to see the emminent cause they think change is a heavier cross to bear. It is all traumatic. Ain't none of it is easy. But, people get locked into futile situations and desperately cling to ships that are sinking beneath them. I have done it...we all have. The odds of a marriage working are less than winning in Vegas. I can't blame them for trying.... Still....Not being married no longer carries the stygma that it used to....now, people like you and me aren't pariahs....we are the ones who didn't commit to lost causes. Wow Krupa; that is very insightful. I still get the odd looks when I tell guys I have never been married. They think there is something wrong with me because I never married. Makes me feel a tad awkward sometimes. Yeah...that only lasts until they realize you haven't aged. Then the Milf factor becomes an aphrodisiac.... Women will look at you with spite for not having been through thier miseries... Men will look at you with lust because you haven't become jaded, faded and bitter. You are a commodity to be sought after....Believe it! Hear, hear! As to the OP, I've never been married and I'm almost 30. I feel better single than being in a miserable relationship, for sure. Don't feel bad if you never get married. Ludwig Von Beethoven never married either! I can say after talking to you people here on mingles I am sure feeling better about being single. I just felt bad for those folks I met that were obviously hurting after their divorce. I have a bit of a soft side to me but don't let that get around. It would ruin my rep as being a tough old military gal.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have never been married. I have no kids. I am totaly content. I am content with my life too but it would be nice to share it with someone. I will still go on trips, to the symphony, to movies, or live theatre by myself if I have to but I think it would be more enjoyable to go with someone I loved. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Coping has been a learning experience and I feel I have many women online to thank for it. I married the first lady and it lasted four years. We took the five year break from each other and got married again for 13 years. The first time she divorced me and the second time I divorced her. The third marriage I had was to a different woman and it lasted six and a half years until she died. I felt like I had been born married after all that. Then when I met another lady and it last two months till she died I can remember thinking screw marriage and dating because they will just die on you any ways. But then I remember my mom saying at the last funeral you poor thing how on earth will you survive. Mom let me know that it was possible to survive and even be happy because she had two men die on her. The wonderful thing I have found about being single is that you can be your better half. Hmm, how does that work exactly? How can I be my better half? Doesn't sound like much fun. Well, there really isn't any better half. You have to be a whole person and they have to be a whole person. Married to half a person is really less fun if you think about it. Yeah, I would only have half the fun.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was out last night at a singles over 45 meet up. I talked to many people who spent anywheres from 20 to 27 years of marriage before they divorced. These people were truly devasted about the divorce and really felt lost in the dating scene. I really felt for these people as they were so co-dependent on someone for so long and now they are all alone. I can't even imagine how awful and awkward they feel. It made me feel a lot better about never being married. I couldn't imagine giving my heart to someone for 20 years and then having them walk out of my life. I am just wondering how those of you that had been married for a long time are coping. Hi navygirl...i am going to make my 20 year anniversary of being DIVORCED in august and i have no regrets being single... WITH no kids... IN the Asian culture..this is a NO NO.. I know in some cultures ..woman after 25 who are not married with kids are STONED TO DEATH. Thats why I dont go as much to my country the Philippines as i used to...The people cant accept people my age who are still divorced for such as long time as me..... Wow, I never realized how different it was in other countries. Here I just get strange looks when I say I haven't been married. In the North Amercian society it is more acceptable to be divorced than never married. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was young and dumb once, she got pregnant and I thought I had to "do the right thing" so we got married... That was the wrong thing to do but it did give me a little insight to the other side. Now I can at least say that I tried the married life and I know it is not for me. The only married that might be good is "Common Law Marriage" where you are considered married after living with your spouse after so many years. Too many people stay together just because they are too worried of the stigma of being divorce so they stay in an unhappy relationship. I would rather live with someone without that piece of paper (that is all the marriage certificate is anyways) that way there is a better chance that the person I wake up with every morning actually wants to be there and is not just there because of that little piece of paper telling her that is where she belongs... Hmm, a few friends of mine lived common law and when they seperated it was as ugly as a divorce when it came to the courts. Now they won't live common law or marry unless a prenaup is signed. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I stayed married 21 years. I felt like a total failure when we split. Somewhat like Queenies mother I fell apart & drank heavily. Ended up at 40 years becoming an alcoholic & drug addict. Went to a rehab to get straightened out. Something I'm not proud of but don't hide from relationships. What's really hard to explain to men after 3 years is that I'm still married & no plans for a divorce. Even tho we are no longer together my ex's family & religion doesn't believe in divorce. Since I have no plans to ever marry again I see no reason to hurt my ex more by having him blackballed by his family & church. I think back over the years & think maybe things could have worked but we'd both given up on trying. My ex is a good man & deserves someone who'd make him happy. But, I don't see him going against his church & family to find someone & remarry again. If that be the case then I'll eventually divorce. I am sorry to hear that. I would think if a marriage fails; it takes two to tango and I doubt very much that you alone were to blame for the marriage falling apart. I am glad to hear you went to rehab though. Lived with an alcoholic and it was rather unpleasant. You seem to have a healthy attitude about this whole situation and I know many who would not be so generous to their ex. You are a thoughtful person. Cheers. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was young and dumb once, she got pregnant and I thought I had to "do the right thing" so we got married... That was the wrong thing to do but it did give me a little insight to the other side. Now I can at least say that I tried the married life and I know it is not for me. The only married that might be good is "Common Law Marriage" where you are considered married after living with your spouse after so many years. Too many people stay together just because they are too worried of the stigma of being divorce so they stay in an unhappy relationship. I would rather live with someone without that piece of paper (that is all the marriage certificate is anyways) that way there is a better chance that the person I wake up with every morning actually wants to be there and is not just there because of that little piece of paper telling her that is where she belongs... Hmm, a few friends of mine lived common law and when they seperated it was as ugly as a divorce when it came to the courts. Now they won't live common law or marry unless a prenaup is signed. Prenaupt might be a good thing but I figure if a girl puts up with me for 7 years then she has earned that marriage if that is what she wants...lol Yes, I was with a girl for about 3 years living together and it was a worse break up than my 5 year marriage... it all depends on the other person. I had warning signs but I ignored them because I thought it was no big deal at the time. But as the old saying goes, it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was young and dumb once, she got pregnant and I thought I had to "do the right thing" so we got married... That was the wrong thing to do but it did give me a little insight to the other side. Now I can at least say that I tried the married life and I know it is not for me. The only married that might be good is "Common Law Marriage" where you are considered married after living with your spouse after so many years. Too many people stay together just because they are too worried of the stigma of being divorce so they stay in an unhappy relationship. I would rather live with someone without that piece of paper (that is all the marriage certificate is anyways) that way there is a better chance that the person I wake up with every morning actually wants to be there and is not just there because of that little piece of paper telling her that is where she belongs... Hmm, a few friends of mine lived common law and when they seperated it was as ugly as a divorce when it came to the courts. Now they won't live common law or marry unless a prenaup is signed. Prenaupt might be a good thing but I figure if a girl puts up with me for 7 years then she has earned that marriage if that is what she wants...lol Yes, I was with a girl for about 3 years living together and it was a worse break up than my 5 year marriage... it all depends on the other person. I had warning signs but I ignored them because I thought it was no big deal at the time. But as the old saying goes, it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all... well, I think it boils down to that no matter who you meet; there is alwasy the risk you may end up getting hurt. They say you learn from your pain but I personally would rather not learn the hard way. I have discovered over the years though that through being hurt and serving in the military; I am not as emotional as I once was. I don't get my hopes up when I meet someone and I don't let anyone get too close to me very fast. Don't get me wrong I am a friendly gal but when it comes to giving my heart; I am very cautious these days. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Just calling it like it is Baby. Don't regret what you haven't done. Don't second guess yourself now. Every divorced woman would trade places with you. Every divorced man would trade places with me. Just to not have to go through the hell they have been through. Not to say that your life or my life has been easy....cause it hasn't. It would have been just as easy to grasp at straws and hope for the best... Still...at this point....you and I have been the ones to stick to our guns and NOT settle for less than what we are worth. You keep your chin up beautiful. You have done the right thing. So have I. not EVERY divorced woman, krupa ( referencing moi) I think Navygirl is an awesome gal pal too, but from my perspective I am very leery of men who have never been married -for a variety of reasons but I don't think it's anything to be critical about. We make the choices we make. I think NG put her military career first as for me - Ima still workin on being a woman who was married for 17yrs who looks better than some women half my age - love me when Ima theory buster
|
|
|
|
|
