Thanks for your input. Its nice to see that you have moved on with your life and not clinging to the past. I think many of the folks I met last night were newly divorced and they are still trying to deal with it. I'm not an expert but I know when people are hurting and I felt so bad for them.

I was married once and it was the biggest mistake of my life. If there was a way I could go back in time and prevent it from ever happening, I would gladly do so. In fact, I would happily negate every romantic entanglement I've ever been in, if such an option existed.

My mom stayed married to my dad until the day he died. She was beaten and terrifed to leave him. Of course us kids suffered because of this. This is primarily why I never married as I was scared I would end up like my mom. I did meet a man that thought he could get away with abusing me and when he hit me from behind; I had him arrested. I would rather stay single than to live with a man that would abuse me or take me for granted.

Girl..you have no idea how many times I have said "I am not him"

it is so frustrating to be automatically suspect for crap that I haven't done nor would ever do..

But, it is hard..if not impossible for people to see past thier own scars and just assume that we would wound them in the same manner.

I have broken off one relationship cause I got tired of trying to prove that I am not the person who did them dirty. It was just in it's initial stages but, I could quickly tell that I was being held to the measure of some cheating @$$hole....

Screw that! I never...NEVER..have done a woman wrong...and refuse to waste my time trying to walk on eggshells because of what someone else did. I got no problem with turning away from those who can't get over thier past and who just assume that I am gonna be a continuation of thier own failed relationship(s).

So....I will just be me...that will be good enough or it won't. At this point..I have made it through this much of my life solo so I expect my woman to be as independant as me...Got no use for anything less than an equal.

Still...I look forward to each day with the hope for real love...it is awesome when I know that that love is there.

Marriage is for a generation past....it is out moded and out dated...it has run it's course and is dying....loyalty will never go out of style but, marriage is a relic that while, symbolic...serves no actual purpose.

And I understand that any failure is hard to deal with and yes divorce is a failure. My divorce was finalized only 2 weeks ago but when something is over there is no point in living for what was but better to look forward to what can be. Any breakup whether it is marriage or a long term relationship is hurtful but why would anyone want to be with someone who no longer loves them?

I was married once for 11 years all was good except the last two years..... I have now been divorced for 20 years come this Nov.....I have nothing to say bad about marriage it is what it is you learn you grow and you move on after wards.......I have moved on long past my divorce. And if it was to happen again I would welcome it if not then it is not something I must have....It is more important to me to be with someone that we both enjoy being around... But I don't want to be with anyone that refuses to go the extra step if the feelings are there..........

I will say this if I may...

I respect those that have taken the chance and given it thier all.

I don't fault someone for trying for thier dream.

One side of the coin is that: Maybe I just didn't have the guts to risk failure.

The otherside of the coin is : I knew that it was not right.

Dumbasses are the norm Honey...

Smart people are the rarity...

How we ever survived evolution as a species still escapes me.

Not quite sure how to take this!

I was out last night at a singles over 45 meet up. I talked to many people who spent anywheres from 20 to 27 years of marriage before they divorced. These people were truly devasted about the divorce and really felt lost in the dating scene. I really felt for these people as they were so co-dependent on someone for so long and now they are all alone. I can't even imagine how awful and awkward they feel. It made me feel a lot better about never being married. I couldn't imagine giving my heart to someone for 20 years and then having them walk out of my life. I am just wondering how those of you that had been married for a long time are coping.

You are a beautiful and intellectual woman of experience...I am forced to assume your ex was the dumbass.

What is the current divorce rate in America?
It is frequently reported that the divorce rate in America is 50%. This data is not accurately correct, however, it is reasonably close to actual. The Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that "Probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue.", which is actually a projection.

"50% of all marriages in the America end in divorce."
The above statement about the divorce rate in America hides all the details about distribution, however.

Age at marriage for those who divorce in America
Age Women Men ON RIGHT % ladies on left
Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%

The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%

The divorce rate in America for childless couples and couples with children
According to discovery channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.

Sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause of divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States, at least 66 per cent of all divorced couples are childless. ......... my parents were married around for 48 years before my dad past away so depends on who you with too:)

Coping has been a learning experience and I feel I have many women online to thank for it. I married the first lady and it lasted four years. We took the five year break from each other and got married again for 13 years. The first time she divorced me and the second time I divorced her. The third marriage I had was to a different woman and it lasted six and a half years until she died. I felt like I had been born married after all that. Then when I met another lady and it last two months till she died I can remember thinking screw marriage and dating because they will just die on you any ways. But then I remember my mom saying at the last funeral you poor thing how on earth will you survive. Mom let me know that it was possible to survive and even be happy because she had two men die on her. The wonderful thing I have found about being single is that you can be your better half.

I am sorry to hear that. I have heard from many that the biggest problem is that as we age we change so much. From what I hear the person they initially married is no longer that same person they fell in love with. Although I do wonder about folks that have been married for over 40 years and still love each other. I am sure they have changed but yet they stay together. Perhaps they grew together rather than apart. The reasons for divorce are various but it seems most are because the couples have changed over the years of marriage. How does one fix that?

My mom stayed married to my dad until the day he died. She was beaten and terrifed to leave him. Of course us kids suffered because of this. This is primarily why I never married as I was scared I would end up like my mom. I did meet a man that thought he could get away with abusing me and when he hit me from behind; I had him arrested. I would rather stay single than to live with a man that would abuse me or take me for granted.