100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Separated... | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
I guess my real question is why someone would wait years to get a divorce? That just says to me that they don't really want to go through with it for some reason. I waited nearly nine years,,,why? because it took no effort to just leave and would have taken time and money and effort to involve the legal system. Basically, we were done, and both agreed we were done. Neither of us felt the need or desire to spend time and money to have a court document the fact. ITs the same reason many people stay in commmitments but dont 'just get married', they dont feel a need for the legal involvement or the paper to define their relationship. As I said, I was younger than. Now, for religious reasons, I would divorce before dating but I dont look down upon those who choose to do other wise, as long as all involved are being honest. If a guy told me he hadn't gotten divorced because he didn't want to go through the effort to do so, I wouldn't date him. If he can't put in the effort to finish something that is over, I would wonder how that would translate to a new relationship and what other things in life they are unable to put effort into. Oh I hear you Sings, if it doesn't sit well with you by all means make the best decision for you. I am just stating that for me it didn't hinder me at all. I was separated for over 8 years, dated and was even in a relationship in the interim. To those that feel a person must be divorced before you get involved, nothing wrong with it, follow your gut. To those that are separated and for whatever reason/excuse have not filed for divorce, I say the same follow your gut. Get divorced when you want, when you are ready, when you just plain feel like it. *Now please note those that are separated, that it may hinder meeting some great people like Sings and others  so keep that in mind.  I'm all for everyone doing what works best for them. I was just trying to figure out the reasoning behind things a bit. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It is hard to explain the reasons for not filing for divorce right away to someone who has never been through the situation.
It is like trying to explain childbirth to someone who has never had a child. No explanation will ever make total sense to the person who never experienced it. My wish for you is that you may never understand what we are talking about and that when you meet your love, you marry and it lasts forever. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I guess my real question is why someone would wait years to get a divorce? That just says to me that they don't really want to go through with it for some reason. I waited nearly nine years,,,why? because it took no effort to just leave and would have taken time and money and effort to involve the legal system. Basically, we were done, and both agreed we were done. Neither of us felt the need or desire to spend time and money to have a court document the fact. ITs the same reason many people stay in commmitments but dont 'just get married', they dont feel a need for the legal involvement or the paper to define their relationship. As I said, I was younger than. Now, for religious reasons, I would divorce before dating but I dont look down upon those who choose to do other wise, as long as all involved are being honest. If a guy told me he hadn't gotten divorced because he didn't want to go through the effort to do so, I wouldn't date him. If he can't put in the effort to finish something that is over, I would wonder how that would translate to a new relationship and what other things in life they are unable to put effort into. Oh I hear you Sings, if it doesn't sit well with you by all means make the best decision for you. I am just stating that for me it didn't hinder me at all. I was separated for over 8 years, dated and was even in a relationship in the interim. To those that feel a person must be divorced before you get involved, nothing wrong with it, follow your gut. To those that are separated and for whatever reason/excuse have not filed for divorce, I say the same follow your gut. Get divorced when you want, when you are ready, when you just plain feel like it. *Now please note those that are separated, that it may hinder meeting some great people like Sings and others so keep that in mind. I'm all for everyone doing what works best for them. I was just trying to figure out the reasoning behind things a bit. Oh I know Sings, I too am curious as to why things are done or happen. Just wanted to make sure I didn't offend anyone, especially you! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It is hard to explain the reasons for not filing for divorce right away to someone who has never been through the situation. It is like trying to explain childbirth to someone who has never had a child. No explanation will ever make total sense to the person who never experienced it. My wish for you is that you may never understand what we are talking about and that when you meet your love, you marry and it lasts forever. Beautiful sentiment,,,wish I had thought of it,,,thanx |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oh I know Sings, I too am curious as to why things are done or happen. Just wanted to make sure I didn't offend anyone, especially you! No worries, Fran! I wasn't offended at all. I was hoping I didn't offend anyone either! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was married for 10 yrs...got divorced...took 3 months for the whole process. To me, I had to get divorced first before going on with my life...dating and such...just didn't seem right to be married and dating someone else
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was married for 10 yrs...got divorced...took 3 months for the whole process. To me, I had to get divorced first before going on with my life...dating and such...just didn't seem right to be married and dating someone else 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ok, so this is a subject near and dear to my heart. You are separated, either you left or your spouse did. You are lost, lonely, grieving, feeling alone. So you turn to the internet. The contact is impersonal, you can be yourself or not. You can share as much or as little as you chose. Most people are looking for connection. Emotional, physical, both, it really depends on the person and their circumstances.
When you are in pain, you search for anything to stop the pain. To prove you aren't broken, you have worth, value, to someone, even if not to yourself. You may not like my answer and you will note I didn't say the above worked but it is honest and from the heart. C
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ok, so this is a subject near and dear to my heart. You are separated, either you left or your spouse did. You are lost, lonely, grieving, feeling alone. So you turn to the internet. The contact is impersonal, you can be yourself or not. You can share as much or as little as you chose. Most people are looking for connection. Emotional, physical, both, it really depends on the person and their circumstances. When you are in pain, you search for anything to stop the pain. To prove you aren't broken, you have worth, value, to someone, even if not to yourself. You may not like my answer and you will note I didn't say the above worked but it is honest and from the heart. C  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I thought a break while I waited for my divorce to be final would be a good thing...I had no idea it would end up being an 11 year break.
Perhaps I got a bit carried away... 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was seperated from my first wife for about three years (or was it the second? I forget) I just packed my shiit and moved out of town. But I was just as single as if i was divorced. Three years later when I moved back to town she filed Separated is NOT divorced tho!..doesn't matter how long you go with out seeing each other I don't think..You're still married until you go sign papers stating otherwise. so? i figure if one of the parties is separated and tells the other person that, then it's up to the person getting involved as to what they wish to do. it's none of my business what two consenting adults who have nothing to do with me choose to do. if i don't want to date someone who's separated, then i won't write, or i won't reply. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Your either married or divorced...I've heard every excuse in the book about separation...most say they don't have the money for the divorce... I paid $300 for mine...finish what you started...then go play around...I will never get involved with someone that is still married or as they say...separated...unless shes really hot  Guys!!! So predictable! 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was seperated from my first wife for about three years (or was it the second? I forget) I just packed my shiit and moved out of town. But I was just as single as if i was divorced. Three years later when I moved back to town she filed Separated is NOT divorced tho!..doesn't matter how long you go with out seeing each other I don't think..You're still married until you go sign papers stating otherwise. so? i figure if one of the parties is separated and tells the other person that, then it's up to the person getting involved as to what they wish to do. it's none of my business what two consenting adults who have nothing to do with me choose to do. if i don't want to date someone who's separated, then i won't write, or i won't reply. Short, sweet and right to the point If you don't wanna date a person who is separated, don't. Life really is simple and full of choices.  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ok..so maybe someone can explain this to me..I have seen MANY profiles on date sites that state that the person is "Separated and looking for a relationship"..I am having a problem understanding why a person can't finish off one relationship before seeking another?..I mean if you're separated it means you're married just not LIVING with that person right?..Why not get a divorce,be completely over and done with that person THEN move on?..I once ran into this guy whose explaination for not being physically with the woman anymore was "She don't want me"..Which of course got him a one way ticket to Jerksville,where he belongs..lol..Cause he was basically saying to me.."Well I want her and she don't want me right now,BUT if she ever does,you're out in the cold"..Um..huh?..Why do that to someone?..Ok,yeah..I'm done..lol Well, easier said than done. For me personally, my husband began rushing the divorce and I couldn't get the required information fast enough to the paralegal. Then the poo hit the fan and he realized how much child support he would have to be paying and the divorce came to a screaching hault. Not to mention all of the drama surrounding the kids and DCF in my case. It doesn't mean that I don't deserve friends or happiness. I work two jobs to stay afloat and meeting people is tough. I started going on dates with those that wanted to and b/c they didn't go well, I downgraded to just coffee one hour meetings. If we didn't hit it off, no sweat off either of ours backs. I am not in love with my husband anymore and anyone who has gone through a divorce knows what I am talking about and the lonliness you go through. I wouldn't want someone shoving me out in the cold just b/c I am separated and I can't force the divorce to make it happen sooner. The relationship is ended and just because I don't have the official paperwork doesn't mean separated people can't see what's out there and begin working on rebuilding their life and relationships no matter if it's love or friendship. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ok, so this is a subject near and dear to my heart. You are separated, either you left or your spouse did. You are lost, lonely, grieving, feeling alone. So you turn to the internet. The contact is impersonal, you can be yourself or not. You can share as much or as little as you chose. Most people are looking for connection. Emotional, physical, both, it really depends on the person and their circumstances. When you are in pain, you search for anything to stop the pain. To prove you aren't broken, you have worth, value, to someone, even if not to yourself. You may not like my answer and you will note I didn't say the above worked but it is honest and from the heart. C Probably more true than we realize! Good point
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
KeepingTheFaith
on
Thu 12/31/09 08:47 AM
|
|
When children are involved, the court here requires a minimum of six counseling sessions and a years time before the divorce is final. I think that's wise, but didn't waste any time filing either. It took exactly a year, which was time I spent rebuilding my life, helping the kids feel secure again, and learning the lessons my sixteen year marriage ~ and ultimate divorce ~ taught me.
I did not date because, although the relationship was long over, in my mind I was still legally married. That mattered to me, and I think it mattered to my sons as well. Rather than running back out there, for me the time was better spent getting to know ME again, learning to make it on my own, and working to resolve any "issues" I might have acquired during the process. When the divorce was final and I had gotten myself to a better place, I figured I'd be a "whole" person again and better equipped, emotionally, to start dating. For me, that was the best way to go and I'd do the same way again if it came down to it. And the guy that came along and WANTED to date me while I was legally seperated? He waited...which made me resepct him all the more! Now, when I am considering dating someone new I want to know they've worked through their own issues too and can be honest ~ and available ~ should the relationship grow! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Some states take longer to divorce than others. Not always is someone who is seperated not done with that marriage. But it is true, you are either married or divorced. And you are either seperated & divorcing OR just seperated.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was married for 10 yrs...got divorced...took 3 months for the whole process. To me, I had to get divorced first before going on with my life...dating and such...just didn't seem right to be married and dating someone else I was married,and together 26 yrs. Married is Married/Divorced is Divorced.Took me over 1 yr for my divorce,but it was mutual.You know those lawyers..sheesh. I didn't date, until the gable dropped in court, i'm married still. Reason why is out of respect for my x, but more for myself. For me only, I can't live with the idea, someone may class that as cheating, and still married. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Married just means you have one piece of paper. Divorced means you have another piece of paper. It only really hold meaning for the IRS. Otherwise, it's just a piece of paper.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Married just means you have one piece of paper. Divorced means you have another piece of paper. It only really hold meaning for the IRS. Otherwise, it's just a piece of paper. Yes and nO. Ithink it holds meaning for the couple if, and only if, both value it's meaning and respect the institute of marriage and divorce. Mind you I am the product of a married middle class couple who divorced. I was raised by my mom and her companion who have been together for 35+ yrs and find no value in a piece of paper. However, I married and did find value until he betrayed me in his heart. So Again I believe that it holds value only if the couple feels it holds value. |
|
|
|
|
