I separated physically from my husband in June. Yes legally he is still my husband. For seven years we lived in the same house in separate rooms. Yes for financial reasons. I wanted to get my oldest through college and could not have done it if we had separated. Did I ever cheat on him in seven years? No. I would not set that type of example for my sons. When he left he left me with a son about to turn 18, debt and all the house bills. Will he contribute to paying for a divorce? No.

I will file in about a month.

Every situation is different and just because someone is separated but not divorced does not automatically make them scum or out to hurt anyone.

If putting my son's education before my being able to get divorced and date makes me someone who is looking for excuses then so be it. All I know is I now have one son with a Masters Degree and another who will go off to college next year. By the time he goes off to college, I will be divorced and moving on. We all do what we think is best for ourselves and our families.

Exactly!

It's nice that some people are honest about being separated, but for me, that's not the bottom line. The bottom line is that you are still married. If I get involved with someone, I don't want to have to go through the divorce and drama that could go along with it. You can give all the excuses you want for not getting a divorce, but when it comes down to it, those are excuses. Some will be ok with it, but many won't be.

I've apparently separated myself from dating !












seriously though I was separated for 4 years , I dated & didn't have a problem.

Why did you wait that long to get a divorce?

And that's just fine with me. I appreciate and sincerely respect your opinion to which you are obviously entitled. Nobody's trying to make any excuses here. We're hopefully too grown for that. We're just having a healthy discussion and expressing ourselves in an open forum. You and I will just have to agree to disagree on this one.

I guess my real question is why someone would wait years to get a divorce? That just says to me that they don't really want to go through with it for some reason.

I waited years before I filed, just because I didn't see the urgency in getting one before. I have a tendency of doing things at my own pace, when I felt like it I filed (not being sarcastic just brutally honest here).

My friend hasn't talked to his wife for 4 yrs...she won't talk to him...she moved to another state...and hes still covering her medical The only thing I can figure is hes still in love with her...excuses like not having the $300 to file...I told him to cut her off the medical and he'll have the $$$...yup...must be he still loves her

I dated a woman that was seperated for 5 years. Her ex wouldn't sign the divorce agreement because he wanted more custody and pay less child support.

I waited nearly nine years,,,why? because it took no effort to just leave and would have taken time and money and effort to involve the legal system. Basically, we were done, and both agreed we were done. Neither of us felt the need or desire to spend time and money to have a court document the fact. ITs the same reason many people stay in commmitments but dont 'just get married', they dont feel a need for the legal involvement or the paper to define their relationship.

As I said, I was younger than. Now, for religious reasons, I would divorce before dating but I dont look down upon those who choose to do other wise, as long as all involved are being honest.

This could all be fixed if people just used some common sense...DON'T GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wouldnt trade my marriage for anything, it is a wonderful thing to share life with The one u love.

If a guy told me he hadn't gotten divorced because he didn't want to go through the effort to do so, I wouldn't date him. If he can't put in the effort to finish something that is over, I would wonder how that would translate to a new relationship and what other things in life they are unable to put effort into.

I respect that. As I said, it wasnt just about effort, it was about me not seeing the point. For me, it was over when WE decided mutually it was over. I guess it is just a difference in what people need to finish a relationship. THe effort I took was moving out, supporting my own child, supporting myself, paying my bills,, etc,,,,, I just really didnt see the reason for the paper when I had so many responsibilities and other things going on in my life.

I'm trying to figure this out....if there was no point in getting a divorce, then there must not have been any point in getting married

Oh I hear you Sings, if it doesn't sit well with you by all means make the best decision for you. I am just stating that for me it didn't hinder me at all. I was separated for over 8 years, dated and was even in a relationship in the interim.

To those that feel a person must be divorced before you get involved, nothing wrong with it, follow your gut. To those that are separated and for whatever reason/excuse have not filed for divorce, I say the same follow your gut. Get divorced when you want, when you are ready, when you just plain feel like it.

*Now please note those that are separated, that it may hinder meeting some great people like Sings and others so keep that in mind.

I am taking this mans advice......

No, the point in getting married was to join our families and invite God into our relationship. and again, it was something that WE felt we wanted to do (to involve our families in the relationship),we were already in a commitment in which we were monogamous(without the official marriage).

When we split, however, we didnt need to involve anyone else, that was just our choice.