Thats not the same thing at all..lol you do that with jobs to make sure that you are still covered when bills start rollin in..as far as doing it in relationships I think people do it out of just not caring who they hurt or use.

For some people, yeah. You don't think so? Seen it a hundred times. They are already in a new relationship and they just want to give in the 2 week notice for the current girlfriend or boyfriend.

I have seen worse though... Dating 2 guys at once, sleeping with both and neither of them knew what was going on. Finally she settled with one of them and dumped the other. True story.

I have to agree with MsH. The bottom line is, in fact, honesty. It's quite simple, really. If a man and a woman are in a supposedly committed relationship and the guy strays, the average person would say the usual "Leave him. Move on. But it's no big deal since they aren't married."

I take issue with that. I really do, since the general feeling is that it's not the biggest deal because they are not married. However, since I am still legally married I am a dog for going out with a woman even though I haven't been with my wife in 3 years. We don't even live together. That's just plain stupid, if you ask me.

How could you find it okay to cheat on someone to whom you are committed but unmarried; but not okay to start a new relationship although you haven't been with your wife in 3 years and have absolutely no commitment to her and no chance of a reconciliation.

You cannot have it both ways, guys.

There are lots of reasons. Could be for healthcare coverage. Could be because of Social Security Coverage. There is also a difference between being seperated and being legally seperated. The only thing the divorce finalization allows you to do is get re married. Now who there right mind would chose that avenue.......

Well... yeah... but I think that happens regardless of marital status. I think it is all about the type of person... if they are sleezey... it's not going to matter if married, divorced or single... they will be forever looking for the greener grass.

Well the guy that I'm talking about told me that his ex still lived in his home they just do not share a bed(Yeah right!)..He said he did it for the kids but kids are just fine without living in a house with both mama and daddy IF they are truly done..Kids care if they eat and got a place to live..not if mama and daddy are still doing it or not..I broke that off with him and about a year later ran into him again..He had moved into a new home AND the "wife" went with him!..Hes scum I tell you,pure scum!

Speaking from the "Separated" group... Someone that just exited a LTR that was not married is now instantly "single". Someone who is married and is seeking a divorce is still listed as "separated". For the most part I think the LTR and separated person has just as much chance of going back to their former partner. To ecco what someone else mentioned, not everyone on these sites is looking for the next love of their life, which doesn't necessarily mean they're conversely seeking one night stands. I think someone, such as myself, is in the least honest by listing themselves as separated knowing this unfortunately will make them less marketable to the opposite sex. I think this shows a bit of courage and if nothing else HONESTY, which is sorely lacking these days. If someone sees this label as undesireable then don't mess with it, but for the most part I think if we're listing separated we're most likely getting our stuff taken care of, it simply takes time. Enough time that it stinks to have to sit on our hands.

Oh God, this is a sticky situation. I have been through this and learned the hard way. Let me just sum it up by saying, better they go through the divorce first, finalize it, have some closure, time to heal, and then maybe it's safe to re-enter the dating scene. But never get involved in a "plan A and plan B" type scenario.

Well as long as you have your radar up and filter out the scum, that's all it matters. Unfortunately we live in a world which has a lot of scum in it and they won't change no matter what. Karma will get them though...

Ok... I guess there's a bigger world out there than my experience, go figure, I assume when one is separated they reside at different locations, and if seeking to date others, have determined that it is best to move on without the soon to be ex.

Yup I know Karma will get him(She got another one of my exes too..lol)..I just wish that her time table and mine matched up a little better..lol

Some people are liars and others are honest,, no legal designation can predict which one we deal with. We just have to use common sense.

I am pretty sure whether he is divorced yet or not has little to do with him being scum or not. I will admit throwing kids into the equation is a completely different ballgame. That is one where I can not relate to. Point taken.........

Well thats the way I'd say it..I'd suppose any normal person would but he was so hooked on "I gotta make her love me again that he was willing to let her step on him like an old raggedy rug just to SEE if she'd come back to him..Shhe never really came back to HIM..she came back to that big pretty house where all 4 of her children would have their own bedrooms and such.

In my situation... I out right told him... that if he wouldn't have caught my attention by email.. I wouldn't have given him the time of day. But he is honest about the situation... and personally, yes, I a cautious to get to know someone who's divorce isn't yet finalized... but we are both aware of his situation and that we both would like to get to know each other better, but under the context of definately not rushing anything!

He's ex... cheated on him when he was deployed overseas.. and moved in the person she was cheating with... so they have been separated for about a year... and he had to basically wait until coming home to file... which was recently.

So I personally.... am going against my philosophy of finalized or nothing... but I think it's situational.

To me at least in this particular situation, she spelled out clearly why this man is a slime-ball. I'm taking her word for it. Too much baggage here, and not worth the drama.

I see some of you guys beginning to open your eyes a bit more now. It is indeed situational, based on the context and particular circumstance in which one finds him/herself. I see no reason to delay my potential happiness for the sake of a piece of paper.

If you choose to go with someone who is poor, unemployed, obese, a smoker, an ex-con, or whatever you decide, well ... that's on you. I have no quarrel with that at all. That's not my business, and I won't judge you on account of your lifestyle choice.

I just asking for the same courtesy, that's all.

Good topic. Thanks for the chat guys. It's 2:30am here in Florida. Time to head in. Nite all, and happy new year to everyone!!!!!

You want spin control? Talk to a separated person. They perfected the art. Of course, they think it's okay to date. Hey they aren't in the same room with their spouse anymore, so why not? Lots of separated people think they are single. I guess they didn't really get married then? They don't see themselves as married. Watch how they spin it 10,000 ways. Some go on years being "separated" cause "it's complicated"..."think of the children"..."it's expensive"..."they don't understand me"..."person disappeared"

Well, Id take it up with the law,,the original separation concept begun there