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| Topic: So things have changed a little bit for me..... | |
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But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Well...all I know is that if it was my daughter ( who turns 18 next month ) at that point in her life... He'd never make it through the front door. Snap judgment? Ya damn right it is. |
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it's a very heated subject...and we are all vulnerable when it comes to our kids. I want to point out to Kleisto...when you do become a parent, it's at times very difficult to see a 16 year old who is completely dependent on us for everything, and is still in school, as mature enough to decide her romantic future. You are closer to 16 than we are, so it feels that 16 is not so young. Please remember, the parents here are speaking as parents, their job is protect their child at all costs. I'm not a parent and I have no intention of every having children, I just think it's irresponsible to be in a relationship with a kid like that. agreed with you and winx,i think a child whos 16 needs to be with kids her own age i dont care if this older person seems super nice or not.if harm did come to my child then im doing doing the job as a parent.if she does care for you then waiting til shes legal wouldn't not be a big deal..but the other guy is also fun until she grows up and matures and her taste changes |
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My daughter who is now 20 dated a man who was 5 years her senior when she was 16. She's also dated a man who was 27 when she was 18... My son has been with his partner now for 5 years, she is 29, he is 24.... I dated a 21 year old man when I was 15.... did I know everything I know now? hell no! Did my kids? Goodness no! But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Jess, It's not legal for someone 21 and older to be with a 16 year old here. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. |
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Okay, here's my final thought and then I'm out of here, this topic is getting old. Did you follow that story about the child who got caught up in an internet relationship on myspace and it turned out to be a hoax and she committed suicide? She thought it was a boy her age rejecting her and she took it very hard. Have you thought about how this girl is going to take your rejection of her? Have you thought about her mental state, maybe she's "caught up in you" and being told that you prefer to wait for some other girl might devastate her. If you told the average adult woman you're going to wait for someone else, they might be hurt, but they'd get over it. Teenagers aren't like that. Life for them is a one big emergency, one big thrill, one big joy, one big whatever. They aren't mature, no matter how they come off, their brains haven't reached that point yet. I know you think I'm picking on you, but I'm not. I'm not attacking you. I'm thinking of the child. I'd hate for her to have some kind of breakdown or episode because of this "nonsexual relationship." In her head, it might be a lot more than you're giving it credit for. Just think about that. That's all. Good luck.  That girl was from my area. |
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But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Well...all I know is that if it was my daughter ( who turns 18 next month ) at that point in her life... He'd never make it through the front door. Snap judgment? Ya damn right it is. That's totally not fair though, the kid should be based on his own merits, not what the world thinks. |
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My daughter who is now 20 dated a man who was 5 years her senior when she was 16. She's also dated a man who was 27 when she was 18... My son has been with his partner now for 5 years, she is 29, he is 24.... I dated a 21 year old man when I was 15.... did I know everything I know now? hell no! Did my kids? Goodness no! But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Jess, It's not legal for someone 21 and older to be with a 16 year old here. You know to be honest I'm not a fan of these laws that much, and I'm not just saying that because of my situation. If two people are really in love and care for each other, why should age matter that much? I don't believe it really should. |
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My daughter who is now 20 dated a man who was 5 years her senior when she was 16. She's also dated a man who was 27 when she was 18... My son has been with his partner now for 5 years, she is 29, he is 24.... I dated a 21 year old man when I was 15.... did I know everything I know now? hell no! Did my kids? Goodness no! But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Jess, It's not legal for someone 21 and older to be with a 16 year old here. Well hopefully, she will respond to his mail, in a positive way, provide her home phone number, and Kleisto can ask permission of her parents to continue communicating...and respect their wishes if they dont. (and thankyou, for the legal side, yes it's different here) If the parents 'can' this.... then perhaps Kleisto will honour their feelings, and if what the two of them have is real...they can pick this up in 18 months or so... |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I'm glad I'm not your son, cause if you tried to force a decision on me like this not even knowing anything about it, I would resent you big time for it. It's not a personality contest. It's my job. Yeah well in that case I think you'd risk losing your child's trust in that situation, you sure would lose mine. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. At 16 years old, I can make the decision that they don't email with adults. I would be irresponsible to do otherwise. I don't know where you get a 16 year old "should be free to do as they wish". That doesn't even make sense. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. At 16 years old, I can make the decision that they don't email with adults. I would be irresponsible to do otherwise. I don't know where you get a 16 year old "should be free to do as they wish". That doesn't even make sense. Free within reason, you can't keep them under lock and key, especially at that age. They'll just rebel and sneak out if you try and do that. Best thing to me is to be flexible but also firm if you really need to, but firm should only be used once you have a fair understanding of a situation from both sides, not just one. |
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My daughter who is now 20 dated a man who was 5 years her senior when she was 16. She's also dated a man who was 27 when she was 18... My son has been with his partner now for 5 years, she is 29, he is 24.... I dated a 21 year old man when I was 15.... did I know everything I know now? hell no! Did my kids? Goodness no! But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Jess, It's not legal for someone 21 and older to be with a 16 year old here. Well hopefully, she will respond to his mail, in a positive way, provide her home phone number, and Kleisto can ask permission of her parents to continue communicating...and respect their wishes if they dont. (and thankyou, for the legal side, yes it's different here) If the parents 'can' this.... then perhaps Kleisto will honour their feelings, and if what the two of them have is real...they can pick this up in 18 months or so... Jess, If a man has sex with a 16 year old here, he gets arrested and he'll be put on the public sex offender's list for life. |
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Jess, If a man has sex with a 16 year old here, he gets arrested and he'll be put on the public sex offender's list for life. Thanks Winx. I am sure I have read Kleisto say that is not his intention at all, though. That he is interested in developing a friendship, and when she is 18 if they both feel the same way, they will get married... |
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My daughter who is now 20 dated a man who was 5 years her senior when she was 16. She's also dated a man who was 27 when she was 18... My son has been with his partner now for 5 years, she is 29, he is 24.... I dated a 21 year old man when I was 15.... did I know everything I know now? hell no! Did my kids? Goodness no! But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Jess, It's not legal for someone 21 and older to be with a 16 year old here. Well hopefully, she will respond to his mail, in a positive way, provide her home phone number, and Kleisto can ask permission of her parents to continue communicating...and respect their wishes if they dont. (and thankyou, for the legal side, yes it's different here) If the parents 'can' this.... then perhaps Kleisto will honour their feelings, and if what the two of them have is real...they can pick this up in 18 months or so... Jess, If a man has sex with a 16 year old here, he gets arrested and he'll be put on the public sex offender's list for life. I'm not a particular fan of this either, it's one thing if the person forcefully rapes or something, but if it's consenusal I think it's somewhat different or should be. Not to say I would do this anyway, but just saying. |
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16 is legal here in the UK.
Though they never slept with me though when i was young enough to pull one of them! |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. At 16 years old, I can make the decision that they don't email with adults. I would be irresponsible to do otherwise. I don't know where you get a 16 year old "should be free to do as they wish". That doesn't even make sense. Free within reason, you can't keep them under lock and key, especially at that age. They'll just rebel and sneak out if you try and do that. Best thing to me is to be flexible but also firm if you really need to, but firm should only be used once you have a fair understanding of a situation from both sides, not just one. Maybe you would try to sneak out. I had rules and curfews when I was 16. I didn't even think about sneaking out. It's normal to have to have such things. |
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Jess, If a man has sex with a 16 year old here, he gets arrested and he'll be put on the public sex offender's list for life. Thanks Winx. I am sure I have read Kleisto say that is not his intention at all, though. That he is interested in developing a friendship, and when she is 18 if they both feel the same way, they will get married... Yes exactly, thank you. This is what I've been trying to get across, not every case is gonna be what the so called status quo is. |
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Would I be concerned? It depends on how/where she met the person, how long they've known each other and what all was said between them And ANY parent who was naive enough to think that a 16 year old would actually tell them all the things that were said, especially if she knew they wouldn't think it was an appropriate subject, would seriously need to have their parenting skills called into question. That would depend on how the parents raised their kids. When I have my own family, I'm going to make it to where no subject is off limits, I want my kids to be able to be open with me about anything, regardless of topic. Part of the reason kids may react as you describe is because there is a lack of openness in ways like that now. Regardless of that though, even if she did hide things, whatever I didn't know could be found out from talking to the guy himself, probing him as it were on various matters, and seeing how he responds. Dude. You can make it a " no subject is off limits " environment, but you would also be naive to think that you will be told everything every time. As to the second part of your post.... yeah...HE'S gonna be 100% truthful when he meets her parents. Especially if he thinks that the parents don't find what he's doing acceptable in the first place. At this point, you are doing nothing but deluding yourself. You may, or may not, fall into the type of guy that the parents would be worried about. I have no idea and don't really care. They have every right to be worried. They also have EVERY right to tell you to get lost and stop contacting their daughter. being the mature individual that you are..are you going to respect their wishes if they tell you to piss off? About the first part, maybe, but I'd hope at least she'd be honest with me, as I would be with them. As for the guy being truthful with the parents, he may be, or he may not be, that said there are ways to find out intent, through asking certain questions, looking at body language, expressions, etc. There's more then one way to skin a cat man. Lastly, if they told me to go away and I really felt strongly for her, and she did me, I don't know that I would. I would try and prove to them that I mean no harm, regardless of what it took to do that. If they weren't happy about it even then, well to be honest really I'm not sure it would matter, particularly when the girl became of age. At that point it would be our choice to make, whether they like it or don't. You can't make everyone happy all the time. You feel strongly for her. Have you met her? No we have not, but from the talks we've had we do have a lot in common. You have not met this girl? And your in love with her, but yet you cant decide between her and another woman somewhere else. Thats not love, that's just jumping on the first thing that walks by you and flutters her eyes. I'm not jumping on you, just trying to make you see. This girl hasn't even went to her senior prom yet. When you get older and have kids of your own, you will fully understand what I am about to say.. If it was my daughter, this would be over right now. She is 16, she cant run off with you and you cant take her away or you will go to jail for kidnapping, the best bet is to just wait till she turns legal age and then see what happens. Your treading on dangerous grounds, be careful.. and make the right decesion.. The right one, not the one perched on your shoulder. |
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But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Well...all I know is that if it was my daughter ( who turns 18 next month ) at that point in her life... He'd never make it through the front door. Snap judgment? Ya damn right it is. That's totally not fair though, the kid should be based on his own merits, not what the world thinks. Life isn't fair. It isn't our job as parents to be " fair " in all things. We have WORLDS of experience that you don't have. Deal with it or don't. What we do isn't always going to be " fair ", but it will ALWAYS be looking out for your best interests whether you like it or not. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I'm glad I'm not your son, cause if you tried to force a decision on me like this not even knowing anything about it, I would resent you big time for it. It's not a personality contest. It's my job. Yeah well in that case I think you'd risk losing your child's trust in that situation, you sure would lose mine. Being a good parent would cause me to lose my child's trust? I don't think so. |
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