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| Topic: So things have changed a little bit for me..... | |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. At 16 years old, I can make the decision that they don't email with adults. I would be irresponsible to do otherwise. I don't know where you get a 16 year old "should be free to do as they wish". That doesn't even make sense. Free within reason, you can't keep them under lock and key, especially at that age. They'll just rebel and sneak out if you try and do that. Best thing to me is to be flexible but also firm if you really need to, but firm should only be used once you have a fair understanding of a situation from both sides, not just one. Maybe you would try to sneak out. I had rules and curfews when I was 16. I didn't even think about sneaking out. It's normal to have to have such things. Rules and such I can somewhat understand, but when you start to infringe on their freedom to do certain things, because of your own self imposed feelings on it as opposed to looking at it objectively, it becomes different at least in my mind. |
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My daughter who is now 20 dated a man who was 5 years her senior when she was 16. She's also dated a man who was 27 when she was 18... My son has been with his partner now for 5 years, she is 29, he is 24.... I dated a 21 year old man when I was 15.... did I know everything I know now? hell no! Did my kids? Goodness no! But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Jess, It's not legal for someone 21 and older to be with a 16 year old here. Well hopefully, she will respond to his mail, in a positive way, provide her home phone number, and Kleisto can ask permission of her parents to continue communicating...and respect their wishes if they dont. (and thankyou, for the legal side, yes it's different here) If the parents 'can' this.... then perhaps Kleisto will honour their feelings, and if what the two of them have is real...they can pick this up in 18 months or so... Jess, If a man has sex with a 16 year old here, he gets arrested and he'll be put on the public sex offender's list for life. and im not here to be there friend i am their protector and i will guide them.my concern is why is an adult male interested in a under age child?once her innocence is gone she cant ever get is back i still think if shes really cares for you youll wait until she an adult |
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Got to go....my children need their dinner...
  Without being blase...the fickle winds of youth will blow...and 16 year olds are known to change their minds, as often as their hairstyles...
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Edited by
Kleisto
on
Fri 07/31/09 12:53 AM
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I'm glad I'm not your son, cause if you tried to force a decision on me like this not even knowing anything about it, I would resent you big time for it. It's not a personality contest. It's my job. Yeah well in that case I think you'd risk losing your child's trust in that situation, you sure would lose mine. Being a good parent would cause me to lose my child's trust? I don't think so. I wouldn't see it as good parenting so much as being overbearing. I'll tell you from my own experiences with my family, I don't talk to them about hardly anything about my personal life now, because they always are critical of it, saying I can't do this or that. So I speak from experience on this, cause I certainly don't trust my family on things much anymore I can tell you that right now. |
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Jess, If a man has sex with a 16 year old here, he gets arrested and he'll be put on the public sex offender's list for life. Thanks Winx. I am sure I have read Kleisto say that is not his intention at all, though. That he is interested in developing a friendship, and when she is 18 if they both feel the same way, they will get married... Yes, he stated that was his intention. I was just explaining our laws to you. I don't trust hormones, btw. lol |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. They are 16 years old, they don't make their own decision, their parents do.. |
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Edited by
Winx
on
Fri 07/31/09 12:54 AM
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My daughter who is now 20 dated a man who was 5 years her senior when she was 16. She's also dated a man who was 27 when she was 18... My son has been with his partner now for 5 years, she is 29, he is 24.... I dated a 21 year old man when I was 15.... did I know everything I know now? hell no! Did my kids? Goodness no! But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Jess, It's not legal for someone 21 and older to be with a 16 year old here. Well hopefully, she will respond to his mail, in a positive way, provide her home phone number, and Kleisto can ask permission of her parents to continue communicating...and respect their wishes if they dont. (and thankyou, for the legal side, yes it's different here) If the parents 'can' this.... then perhaps Kleisto will honour their feelings, and if what the two of them have is real...they can pick this up in 18 months or so... Jess, If a man has sex with a 16 year old here, he gets arrested and he'll be put on the public sex offender's list for life. I'm not a particular fan of this either, it's one thing if the person forcefully rapes or something, but if it's consenusal I think it's somewhat different or should be. Not to say I would do this anyway, but just saying. The law is to protect the children from older people taking advantage of them and manipulating them. They are not capable of making good adult decisions. Their frontal lobe isn't developed yet. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. They are 16 years old, they don't make their own decision, their parents do.. And that bothers me, certain decisions I can see, but not all of them, the least of which this one. |
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Edited by
Kleisto
on
Fri 07/31/09 12:55 AM
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My daughter who is now 20 dated a man who was 5 years her senior when she was 16. She's also dated a man who was 27 when she was 18... My son has been with his partner now for 5 years, she is 29, he is 24.... I dated a 21 year old man when I was 15.... did I know everything I know now? hell no! Did my kids? Goodness no! But I am not prepared to condemn a 21 year old on the internet for having the guts to be honest either. Jess, It's not legal for someone 21 and older to be with a 16 year old here. Well hopefully, she will respond to his mail, in a positive way, provide her home phone number, and Kleisto can ask permission of her parents to continue communicating...and respect their wishes if they dont. (and thankyou, for the legal side, yes it's different here) If the parents 'can' this.... then perhaps Kleisto will honour their feelings, and if what the two of them have is real...they can pick this up in 18 months or so... Jess, If a man has sex with a 16 year old here, he gets arrested and he'll be put on the public sex offender's list for life. and im not here to be there friend i am their protector and i will guide them.my concern is why is an adult male interested in a under age child?once her innocence is gone she cant ever get is back i still think if shes really cares for you youll wait until she an adult Why am I interested? Cause we met and chatted and connected, not every situation is going to be the same. |
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Would I be concerned? It depends on how/where she met the person, how long they've known each other and what all was said between them And ANY parent who was naive enough to think that a 16 year old would actually tell them all the things that were said, especially if she knew they wouldn't think it was an appropriate subject, would seriously need to have their parenting skills called into question. That would depend on how the parents raised their kids. When I have my own family, I'm going to make it to where no subject is off limits, I want my kids to be able to be open with me about anything, regardless of topic. Part of the reason kids may react as you describe is because there is a lack of openness in ways like that now. Regardless of that though, even if she did hide things, whatever I didn't know could be found out from talking to the guy himself, probing him as it were on various matters, and seeing how he responds. Dude. You can make it a " no subject is off limits " environment, but you would also be naive to think that you will be told everything every time. As to the second part of your post.... yeah...HE'S gonna be 100% truthful when he meets her parents. Especially if he thinks that the parents don't find what he's doing acceptable in the first place. At this point, you are doing nothing but deluding yourself. You may, or may not, fall into the type of guy that the parents would be worried about. I have no idea and don't really care. They have every right to be worried. They also have EVERY right to tell you to get lost and stop contacting their daughter. being the mature individual that you are..are you going to respect their wishes if they tell you to piss off? About the first part, maybe, but I'd hope at least she'd be honest with me, as I would be with them. As for the guy being truthful with the parents, he may be, or he may not be, that said there are ways to find out intent, through asking certain questions, looking at body language, expressions, etc. There's more then one way to skin a cat man. Lastly, if they told me to go away and I really felt strongly for her, and she did me, I don't know that I would. I would try and prove to them that I mean no harm, regardless of what it took to do that. If they weren't happy about it even then, well to be honest really I'm not sure it would matter, particularly when the girl became of age. At that point it would be our choice to make, whether they like it or don't. You can't make everyone happy all the time. You feel strongly for her. Have you met her? No we have not, but from the talks we've had we do have a lot in common. You have not met this girl? And your in love with her, but yet you cant decide between her and another woman somewhere else. Thats not love, that's just jumping on the first thing that walks by you and flutters her eyes. I never said I love her, interested perhaps, but love I don't know yet, we haven't talked a whole lot. She's been there as a possibility, but hadn't thought much of it cause of how often she isn't online, hence how I got into the situation involving her and the other girl. |
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Edited by
Winx
on
Fri 07/31/09 12:59 AM
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. At 16 years old, I can make the decision that they don't email with adults. I would be irresponsible to do otherwise. I don't know where you get a 16 year old "should be free to do as they wish". That doesn't even make sense. Free within reason, you can't keep them under lock and key, especially at that age. They'll just rebel and sneak out if you try and do that. Best thing to me is to be flexible but also firm if you really need to, but firm should only be used once you have a fair understanding of a situation from both sides, not just one. Maybe you would try to sneak out. I had rules and curfews when I was 16. I didn't even think about sneaking out. It's normal to have to have such things. Rules and such I can somewhat understand, but when you start to infringe on their freedom to do certain things, because of your own self imposed feelings on it as opposed to looking at it objectively, it becomes different at least in my mind. Infringe on what freedom? A 16 year old doesn't have that kind of freedom. Their job is school and friends their age. It's my job to protect and guide my child. |
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there is reason laws are put in place to protect minors they cant even sign any legal and binding documents and its keep them safe from other men that may be trying to do harm to them
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. They are 16 years old, they don't make their own decision, their parents do.. That's very true. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. At 16 years old, I can make the decision that they don't email with adults. I would be irresponsible to do otherwise. I don't know where you get a 16 year old "should be free to do as they wish". That doesn't even make sense. Free within reason, you can't keep them under lock and key, especially at that age. They'll just rebel and sneak out if you try and do that. Best thing to me is to be flexible but also firm if you really need to, but firm should only be used once you have a fair understanding of a situation from both sides, not just one. Maybe you would try to sneak out. I had rules and curfews when I was 16. I didn't even think about sneaking out. It's normal to have to have such things. Rules and such I can somewhat understand, but when you start to infringe on their freedom to do certain things, because of your own self imposed feelings on it as opposed to looking at it objectively, it becomes different at least in my mind. Infringe on what freedom? A 16 year old doesn't have that kind of freedom. Their job is school and friends their age. It's my job to protect and guide my child. Freedom to make certain decisions on her own, without having to worry that her parents are gonna immediately put the kibosh on it without having any idea what they are putting the kibosh on. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. They are 16 years old, they don't make their own decision, their parents do.. And that bothers me, certain decisions I can see, but not all of them, the least of which this one. As far as who they can and cant have romantic relations with, You better believe it. My 15, 16, 17 and maybe even 18 year old if she is going to college on my dime, if she does what she wants, it will be because I said she could, not because she made that decision on her own, don't talk about whats fair and whats not until you have your own and finally get it. When I grew up and had my first child, I looke dat my mother and hugged her tight and told her how sorry I was with the way I acted as a kid, I looked at her and said, "Mom I get it now," Maybe one day you will too. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. At 16 years old, I can make the decision that they don't email with adults. I would be irresponsible to do otherwise. I don't know where you get a 16 year old "should be free to do as they wish". That doesn't even make sense. Free within reason, you can't keep them under lock and key, especially at that age. They'll just rebel and sneak out if you try and do that. Best thing to me is to be flexible but also firm if you really need to, but firm should only be used once you have a fair understanding of a situation from both sides, not just one. Maybe you would try to sneak out. I had rules and curfews when I was 16. I didn't even think about sneaking out. It's normal to have to have such things. Rules and such I can somewhat understand, but when you start to infringe on their freedom to do certain things, because of your own self imposed feelings on it as opposed to looking at it objectively, it becomes different at least in my mind. Infringe on what freedom? A 16 year old doesn't have that kind of freedom. Their job is school and friends their age. It's my job to protect and guide my child. Freedom to make certain decisions on her own, without having to worry that her parents are gonna immediately put the kibosh on it without having any idea what they are putting the kibosh on. A 16 year old is learning to make decisions on their own. The parent makes the rest of them. No idea they are putting the kibosh on? Oh, yeah, they have the idea when it comes to a man 21 or older approaching their child. I think her parents will be very upset to learn that a man is emailing their child. I even wonder if they know that she's on the chat line. Have you noticed that nobody under 18 can be on here? |
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teens are able to comprehended the outcome of their actions they change their minds and beliefs all the time there is a reason why laws are there to protect them.you may disagree until you possibly land in jail in care her parents dont approve
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. At 16 years old, I can make the decision that they don't email with adults. I would be irresponsible to do otherwise. I don't know where you get a 16 year old "should be free to do as they wish". That doesn't even make sense. Free within reason, you can't keep them under lock and key, especially at that age. They'll just rebel and sneak out if you try and do that. Best thing to me is to be flexible but also firm if you really need to, but firm should only be used once you have a fair understanding of a situation from both sides, not just one. Maybe you would try to sneak out. I had rules and curfews when I was 16. I didn't even think about sneaking out. It's normal to have to have such things. Rules and such I can somewhat understand, but when you start to infringe on their freedom to do certain things, because of your own self imposed feelings on it as opposed to looking at it objectively, it becomes different at least in my mind. Infringe on what freedom? A 16 year old doesn't have that kind of freedom. Their job is school and friends their age. It's my job to protect and guide my child. Freedom to make certain decisions on her own, without having to worry that her parents are gonna immediately put the kibosh on it without having any idea what they are putting the kibosh on. A 16 year old is learning to make decisions on their own. The parent makes the rest of them. No idea they are putting the kibosh on? Oh, yeah, they have the idea when it comes to a man 21 or older approaching their child. I think her parents will be very upset to learn that a man is emailing their child. I even wonder if they know that she's on the chat line. Have you noticed that nobody under 18 can be on here? Again that's a snap judgment though, not every single 21 year old guy is gonna be a pervert. You cannot simply cannot paint everyone with the same brush. As for her parents, we'll see what happens, maybe she's already told them we've talked who really knows. I'm not gonna let them stop me from pursuing her though if I really want to, even if I have to wait a year. As for the under 18 thing, I didn't meet her here, met here elsewhere and we exchanged facebooks from that. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. At 16 years old, I can make the decision that they don't email with adults. I would be irresponsible to do otherwise. I don't know where you get a 16 year old "should be free to do as they wish". That doesn't even make sense. Free within reason, you can't keep them under lock and key, especially at that age. They'll just rebel and sneak out if you try and do that. Best thing to me is to be flexible but also firm if you really need to, but firm should only be used once you have a fair understanding of a situation from both sides, not just one. Maybe you would try to sneak out. I had rules and curfews when I was 16. I didn't even think about sneaking out. It's normal to have to have such things. Rules and such I can somewhat understand, but when you start to infringe on their freedom to do certain things, because of your own self imposed feelings on it as opposed to looking at it objectively, it becomes different at least in my mind. Infringe on what freedom? A 16 year old doesn't have that kind of freedom. Their job is school and friends their age. It's my job to protect and guide my child. Freedom to make certain decisions on her own, without having to worry that her parents are gonna immediately put the kibosh on it without having any idea what they are putting the kibosh on. The bottom line is, the parents have the right to stop it, the law is on their side and there is nothing that can be done if they don't like it. And even if the parent s give consent and you and her get emotionally high and one things leads to another and you have sex. Your guilty and you go to jail, even if she said it was OK, your going to jail, even if the parents say that they gave you permission and let you use their house, you are guilty. Thats the law. Thats the way it works and if you are willing to take that risk, then go for it. I could have sworn you posted in another thread just like this one regarding the exact same issue, and you where on our side with the whole thing. Maybe I am wrong, i will have to go back and look. Just be careful, its not worth ruining your life. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. That doesn't make me an authoritarian parent. A 16 year old should be hanging out with kids their own age and not people 21 and older. I don't care how good how bad or good they care. I agree. I would consider myself a bad parent if I did otherwise. I understand you care for your kids and all, but you can't make every decision for them, they should be free to do as they wish, within reason provided you have knowledge of what is happening, why and who, etc. At 16 years old, I can make the decision that they don't email with adults. I would be irresponsible to do otherwise. I don't know where you get a 16 year old "should be free to do as they wish". That doesn't even make sense. Free within reason, you can't keep them under lock and key, especially at that age. They'll just rebel and sneak out if you try and do that. Best thing to me is to be flexible but also firm if you really need to, but firm should only be used once you have a fair understanding of a situation from both sides, not just one. Maybe you would try to sneak out. I had rules and curfews when I was 16. I didn't even think about sneaking out. It's normal to have to have such things. Rules and such I can somewhat understand, but when you start to infringe on their freedom to do certain things, because of your own self imposed feelings on it as opposed to looking at it objectively, it becomes different at least in my mind. Infringe on what freedom? A 16 year old doesn't have that kind of freedom. Their job is school and friends their age. It's my job to protect and guide my child. Freedom to make certain decisions on her own, without having to worry that her parents are gonna immediately put the kibosh on it without having any idea what they are putting the kibosh on. The bottom line is, the parents have the right to stop it, the law is on their side and there is nothing that can be done if they don't like it. And even if the parent s give consent and you and her get emotionally high and one things leads to another and you have sex. Your guilty and you go to jail, even if she said it was OK, your going to jail, even if the parents say that they gave you permission and let you use their house, you are guilty. Thats the law. Thats the way it works and if you are willing to take that risk, then go for it. I could have sworn you posted in another thread just like this one regarding the exact same issue, and you where on our side with the whole thing. Maybe I am wrong, i will have to go back and look. Just be careful, its not worth ruining your life. "I'm not gonna let them stop me from pursuing her though if I really want to, even if I have to wait a year." that kinda worries me hes soo persistent if if her parents say no. when i was 16 my mom didnt stand over me on the computer but she did keep an eye on me and asked me who i was talking to.now im 24 and im thankful my mom was involved with who i talked to online and off cuz now as an adult i make good decisions has she not kept and an eye on my me with me 16 and with crazy hormones there is not telling what could have happend to me. why does he have a death grip on this issue even if her parents say no? |
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