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| Topic: So things have changed a little bit for me..... | |
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She's 16.  Yeah I know I'm not all that worried about it though. I don't understand why. if that were my child talking to a man over the age of 18 id block all contact with him and id be worried hes a weirdo or something And then you'd effectively be trying to run her life. I understand the concerns, but in a case like this, it would be better to actually get to know the person yourself instead of making snap judgments that may or not be true, not to mention forcing your daughter to do something she doesn't want to, which would likely make her rebel and do it anyway. Um, age is just a number? Really? So you've never heard of statutory rape? It's when you're sexually involved with someone under the age of consent. And it doesn't matter if you're 1 year older or 5 years older or 40 years older. It's not even legal when the male is still in his teens, if she's under the age of consent. The law considers it rape regardless. Therefore, age is more than a number, when you start going after children. You're 21 years old, she's a child, 16 is a child, I don't care how "mature" she is or how "responsible" she is, she's a child, and as an adult, you should have more concern for her. I have no idea why you even agreed to talk to her; when I went in chat rooms, if a child messaged me I sent them away and blocked them. It never got far enough for me to think they're mature and responsible. I was the mature one. I agree with the person who said what all she'd do if it were her child, however, if she were my child, I'd take it a bit further and have you prosecuted. We have laws to protect children for a reason. You're a grown man, try to act more responsibly.  You know NOTHING about me or my motives here, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't judge them as you have no clue. First off, by the time I meet her she very well might be 18 or at least close to it. Second and more importantly, both of us, I repeat BOTH OF US, are planning to wait for marriage for sex anyway, so even if she is underage, there is not going to be anything sexual occuring before she actually became legal. As for the rest, as I said you have no idea who I am or what I'm about, so you can keep your opinions to yourself thank you. I'm more responsible then you may think. |
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Edited by
Kleisto
on
Fri 07/31/09 12:08 AM
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy Remind me not to talk to your daughter, cause obviously to you anyone over 20 is a perv in your eyes. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy Remind me not to talk to your daughter, cause obviously to you anyone over 20 is a perv in your eyes. Not anyone over 20. Just the ones that think it's ok to have contact with 16 year old girls, methinks. |
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You know NOTHING about me or my motives here, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't judge them as you have no clue. First off, by the time I meet her she very well might be 18 or at least close to it. Second and more importantly, both of us, I repeat BOTH OF US, are planning to wait for marriage for sex anyway, so even if she is underage, there is not going to be anything sexual occuring before she actually became legal. As for the rest, as I said you have no idea who I am or what I'm about, so you can keep your opinions to yourself thank you. I'm more responsible then you may think. I suspect many 'parents' are reacting to the fear I mentioned. It feels very personal what is being said to you, and I am asking, to stop for a moment, have a look at the other side of the coin..... if you were the parent of a 16 year old girl, who was professing feelings for a 21 year old man over the internet... would you be a little concerned? Unsure? Wondering if she was safe? Please try to understand, that although you are being reamed over this, it is fear talking.... and this may well be what it is going to be like, with her parents. 
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy Remind me not to talk to your daughter, cause obviously to you anyone over 20 is a perv in your eyes. Not anyone over 20. Just the ones that think it's ok to have contact with 16 year old girls, methinks. Either way it's a snap judgment that isn't always true, but she doesn't even want to take the time to actually find that out for herself evidently. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy Remind me not to talk to your daughter, cause obviously to you anyone over 20 is a perv in your eyes. Not anyone over 20. Just the ones that think it's ok to have contact with 16 year old girls, methinks. yes just a guy yes,,it seems to me that me maybe have the reg flags of a pedophile,and hes trying so hard to rationalize.i think girls can have older friends but not with the behvior and mindset and maturity hes showing |
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You know NOTHING about me or my motives here, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't judge them as you have no clue. First off, by the time I meet her she very well might be 18 or at least close to it. Second and more importantly, both of us, I repeat BOTH OF US, are planning to wait for marriage for sex anyway, so even if she is underage, there is not going to be anything sexual occuring before she actually became legal. As for the rest, as I said you have no idea who I am or what I'm about, so you can keep your opinions to yourself thank you. I'm more responsible then you may think. I suspect many 'parents' are reacting to the fear I mentioned. It feels very personal what is being said to you, and I am asking, to stop for a moment, have a look at the other side of the coin..... if you were the parent of a 16 year old girl, who was professing feelings for a 21 year old man over the internet... would you be a little concerned? Unsure? Wondering if she was safe? Would I be concerned? It depends on how/where she met the person, how long they've known each other and what all was said between them. I certainly wouldn't tell her she couldn't talk to him though, least not right away, though as I've said before I'd want to talk to him myself too to get to know him and see what his deal is. After that, depending on how that went we would see what would come of it. I understand the parents having fears, but I think there's such a thing as a healthy fear, and an unhealthy fear to where you let said fear effect everything you do, and everyone you encounter, and you tend to paint everyone with the same brush regardless of who they are. I think this type of fear would fall into that category. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy Remind me not to talk to your daughter, cause obviously to you anyone over 20 is a perv in your eyes. Not anyone over 20. Just the ones that think it's ok to have contact with 16 year old girls, methinks. yes just a guy yes,,it seems to me that me maybe have the reg flags of a pedophile,and hes trying so hard to rationalize.i think girls can have older friends but not with the behvior and mindset and maturity hes showing Again you do NOT know me! I'm not a pedophile, honestly I'm not and I'd appreciate it if you didn't label me as such. Just cause there are a lot of bad people out there who may willingly take advantage of a girl at this age, does not mean that everyone, namely me is. Judge me on my own merits would you, not just what everyone else does. |
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By the way, when you make a post that doesn't fall into what the mainstream considers acceptable, you run the risk of being judged. I have a few deviant thoughts of my own, but I don't post them on a public forum and then ask for opinions. Just thought I'd share that with you for next time.
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Would I be concerned? It depends on how/where she met the person, how long they've known each other and what all was said between them And ANY parent who was naive enough to think that a 16 year old would actually tell them all the things that were said, especially if she knew they wouldn't think it was an appropriate subject, would seriously need to have their parenting skills called into question. |
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By the way, when you make a post that doesn't fall into what the mainstream considers acceptable, you run the risk of being judged. I have a few deviant thoughts of my own, but I don't post them on a public forum and then ask for opinions. Just thought I'd share that with you for next time. Yeah and see that's the thing, just cause something isn't "acceptable", doesn't mean it's totally wrong neccessarily in all cases you know? It's not fair to put everyone who may be like me as bad people, when not everyone is going to be. And I don't see it as a deviant thought in this case either. |
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It's a rocky road you have chosen....
I recall mention of an australian girl...may I ask how old she is? Your email seems to be more about 'hedging your bets'...not sure which girl you may choose... that will hurt the 16 year old, or create a competitive behaviour... it's also a form of manipulation, although I don't believe it was your intention... Please have a read again of your email...it says 'I am interested in you, and another girl, in australia, and depending on what she does, will depend on you and I'....in essence, perhaps not so many words. That's kind of a bit cruel, when you say here, you are comfortable marrying this girl, after she is 18.... |
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Edited by
Winx
on
Fri 07/31/09 12:22 AM
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. |
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She's 16. Yeah I know I'm not all that worried about it though. I don't understand why. if that were my child talking to a man over the age of 18 id block all contact with him and id be worried hes a weirdo or something And then you'd effectively be trying to run her life. I understand the concerns, but in a case like this, it would be better to actually get to know the person yourself instead of making snap judgments that may or not be true, not to mention forcing your daughter to do something she doesn't want to, which would likely make her rebel and do it anyway. Um, age is just a number? Really? So you've never heard of statutory rape? It's when you're sexually involved with someone under the age of consent. And it doesn't matter if you're 1 year older or 5 years older or 40 years older. It's not even legal when the male is still in his teens, if she's under the age of consent. The law considers it rape regardless. Therefore, age is more than a number, when you start going after children. You're 21 years old, she's a child, 16 is a child, I don't care how "mature" she is or how "responsible" she is, she's a child, and as an adult, you should have more concern for her. I have no idea why you even agreed to talk to her; when I went in chat rooms, if a child messaged me I sent them away and blocked them. It never got far enough for me to think they're mature and responsible. I was the mature one. I agree with the person who said what all she'd do if it were her child, however, if she were my child, I'd take it a bit further and have you prosecuted. We have laws to protect children for a reason. You're a grown man, try to act more responsibly. You know NOTHING about me or my motives here, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't judge them as you have no clue. First off, by the time I meet her she very well might be 18 or at least close to it. Second and more importantly, both of us, I repeat BOTH OF US, are planning to wait for marriage for sex anyway, so even if she is underage, there is not going to be anything sexual occuring before she actually became legal. As for the rest, as I said you have no idea who I am or what I'm about, so you can keep your opinions to yourself thank you. I'm more responsible then you may think. You asked for my opinion when you made this post. 
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Would I be concerned? It depends on how/where she met the person, how long they've known each other and what all was said between them And ANY parent who was naive enough to think that a 16 year old would actually tell them all the things that were said, especially if she knew they wouldn't think it was an appropriate subject, would seriously need to have their parenting skills called into question. That would depend on how the parents raised their kids. When I have my own family, I'm going to make it to where no subject is off limits, I want my kids to be able to be open with me about anything, regardless of topic. Part of the reason kids may react as you describe is because there is a lack of openness in ways like that now. Regardless of that though, even if she did hide things, whatever I didn't know could be found out from talking to the guy himself, probing him as it were on various matters, and seeing how he responds. |
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Would I be concerned? It depends on how/where she met the person, how long they've known each other and what all was said between them And ANY parent who was naive enough to think that a 16 year old would actually tell them all the things that were said, especially if she knew they wouldn't think it was an appropriate subject, would seriously need to have their parenting skills called into question. My 16 year olds have had a 'need to know basis' way of communicating with me...and chances are I wouldn't have known... Having said that, I would be open to learning more of someone they were communicating with, especially if they have feelings for that person. |
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It's a rocky road you have chosen.... I recall mention of an australian girl...may I ask how old she is? Your email seems to be more about 'hedging your bets'...not sure which girl you may choose... that will hurt the 16 year old, or create a competitive behaviour... it's also a form of manipulation, although I don't believe it was your intention... Please have a read again of your email...it says 'I am interested in you, and another girl, in australia, and depending on what she does, will depend on you and I'....in essence, perhaps not so many words. That's kind of a bit cruel, when you say here, you are comfortable marrying this girl, after she is 18.... I didn't put it quite that way, if it went that way I meant I'd be marrying her after she was 18, but that's not definite. As for the rest, the Australian girl is 19, so few years older. Yeah I know what you mean, it's a confusing time for me right now really, and am unsure of what the future is going to bring. |
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even teen rebels but its a parents job to keep their child safe for anything or anybody they deem unsafe.and i dont think a 16 year old needs o be around someone 5 years older then her.id be keeping the cops on speed dial and a bat and gun very handy There would be no more internet at my house and more. It is my job to protect my child. I do understand that, but at the same time I wouldn't want to rule in a totalitrian manner, particularly in an issue like this. I would at the least try and hear her side of it, before making any assumptions as to if the person is good or bad, it's only fair IMO. |
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Kleisto....can I just say, that you are showing your maturity, positively, in how you are responding to the posters here... and it would be a point in your favour if you were chatting to my 16 year old...
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Would I be concerned? It depends on how/where she met the person, how long they've known each other and what all was said between them And ANY parent who was naive enough to think that a 16 year old would actually tell them all the things that were said, especially if she knew they wouldn't think it was an appropriate subject, would seriously need to have their parenting skills called into question. That would depend on how the parents raised their kids. When I have my own family, I'm going to make it to where no subject is off limits, I want my kids to be able to be open with me about anything, regardless of topic. Part of the reason kids may react as you describe is because there is a lack of openness in ways like that now. Regardless of that though, even if she did hide things, whatever I didn't know could be found out from talking to the guy himself, probing him as it were on various matters, and seeing how he responds. Dude. You can make it a " no subject is off limits " environment, but you would also be naive to think that you will be told everything every time. As to the second part of your post.... yeah...HE'S gonna be 100% truthful when he meets her parents. Especially if he thinks that the parents don't find what he's doing acceptable in the first place. At this point, you are doing nothing but deluding yourself. You may, or may not, fall into the type of guy that the parents would be worried about. I have no idea and don't really care. They have every right to be worried. They also have EVERY right to tell you to get lost and stop contacting their daughter. being the mature individual that you are..are you going to respect their wishes if they tell you to piss off? |
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