one of these days, lee...we need to get our kiddies together.

and as i'm now feeling said age...i'm headed to bed. (i have to be at work in six hours; i'm not just being the now-middle-aged person that i am, lol).

psychological abuse: Good one! I am extremely Proud that the words are being so thought through!

Please understand, I watch kids every day 24hrs a day just about 7 days a week.... from 2weeks old to 13teen yrs old so i get a change in every state of mind.

1st I want to give a few examples of what this word means just in case we know it! but we DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT IT MEANS..

1. Sheri, 7 yrs old: could you go make your bed for me, I have to get to the store soon before 3pm or i will not have enough time to take you to your dance classes.

Sheri, finishes watching TV until 2:45? Parent or Child?

Mother: Sheri I told you to get your bed made, now that you have chosen not to make it, I will be late to the store and taking you to the dance classes.

Sheri, as she whinnying throwing a tantrum, telling her mother she hates her? Hmm Parent or Child?

Mother: Sheri since you chose not to make your bed you will not be going to dance classes tonight? well try next week if the bed is made.

This is a broken ended statement....

For the Parent from 1:30 to 2:45 kept telling Sheri to make the bed and Threading her every 5 min. that she is going to be late and Sheri will not be able to attend, is only 'TEACHING SHERI TO ARGUE".. leaving the child in frustration, anger and resentment in the end.

This is psychological abuse:

NO joking..... It was the Parent who did not check on the child 10min after telling the child to do the work, that was the Parents part. A 7 yr old has no time frame, she still has to be reminded that when mother asks her child to, get a simple thing as a bed made, That with a statement, If the bed is not made you do not go to dance classes.. The expectations for this is knowing if it is not done, then the child will lose out!

If a Parent goes to work all week, they get a paycheck at the end of the week? No questions so the Parent knows the expectations needed to do their job!

but the child keeps getting being told every 15teen min to do the job, A boss dose not have to tell his employee to make that bed or your FIRED!

SAME thinking... do the job you get rewarded....

but what rewards are good for behavior! Please note if a parent would stick to the same reward system for one year the child would never be confused and the child would know what to expect if they did the work as the girl had dances classes for the year. a two year old gets mother and father to read a book.

If your child is 1yrs old and you want them to pick up the toys... he gets rewarded with you singing a song helping him....

2yrs old, he gets to read a book with you,

3yrs old, they get to play hide and seek or a simple game

4yrs old, a coloring book

5yrs old, ice cream at the end of the night to help them sleep tight

6yrs old, help with homework, a 30min TV show with parents

7yrs old, they get a model airplane for the month, or a science kit, they get the time to spend the night at a friends house once a month.

We work for a reward system in life! if it is are birthday we work all year playing and growing learning to grow and at the end of the year we get rewarded with a huge birthday cake and gifts for making great decisions for doing the right things.

not only this, we get Easter, Valentines day, Halloween and christmas... these are rewards to children for behaving..

Christmas: if your Naughty or nice?
Halloween: be Naughty and we will reward you with candy????
Valentines: with hearts and candy we love you for just you
Easter: God loves all children here is a egg and candy with pretty dresses! with a suit and tie! be good now!

And for the man and women! The man and women goes to work, he brings home a paycheck, for the payment of the house, cars, and bills.

but together, they wash the dishes, they do the laundry, they help each. maintain the house and cars, and children sports, activity's.

and at the end of the day they express there feelings and emotions together... this is a man's and women rewards...

as a family they work hard to buy the boat to go camping or the RV ect...

So when we use psychological abuse on are Husbands or wife's threading them to work harder, or to get a better job, to paint the house or do the laundry.. it is no different then how we treat are children..

We are humans..... Respect is needed. SO BE NICE!

Yes, thank you.

I'm PRO spanking children. So what if it'll hurt them a little bit, it'll show them who's boss and teach them respect.

I was spanked as a child and I'm not abusive or psycho or overtly sexual in any way. I'm living proof that spanking works, and I'm sticking to my story.

Hitting some one smaller than you teaches respect?

hummmmmm, interesting perspective.

ahhhh yep.

after a sressfull day at work theres nothing better than spanking a child, i often go next door and beat their kids, its a real workout if you do it right.

I have thought about this subject often over the years. What makes it difficult is there are so many versions of what people consider spanking. And as wide a spectrum of ages for which it is applied.

For me spanking is a simple form of relatively mild consequence to be applied soley to the buttocks as an open hand slap.

I don't think a weapon should be used because it is just to easy to harm a child by accident. One of my biggest opossitions to corporal punishments being allowed in public schools. I often felt my spankings hurt my hand more than my kid's behinds. Not that it was something they found pleasant but was swift and just.

When it is not over used. or used just to satisfy the frusteration or anger of the person giving the spanking it is effective. It should not terrorize, injure, or humiliate the person being spanked. I also do not agree that it teaches children to hit or be out of control because at least when I spanked it was often done after taking them to a segregated area.

I do believe that many times it is the parents that need to be spanked for poor parenting. An over tired, sick, stressed, hungry, sunburned child in a dirty diaper that is encouraged to show off or perform beyond their skill level can hardly be faulted for poor behavior. Especially when they are mimicing bad behavior of their parents, older siblings, coaches, teachers and behavior that they seen constantly on TV. Chilren learn what they live.

I often found catching my kids being good and praise worked much better than disciplene. While my kids could pretty clearly tell you what they would get spanked for I was never a big proponent of useing guilt's or or lectures that younger children really don't understand. It is my belief if you get a child on the right path as a preschooler elementary age child spankings should not be needed much past then.

Why on earth would I want to hurt my child?

My child knows that I'm the boss without ever having been spanked. My child respects me and others without it. I raised my child to be respectful and mannerly.

Mannerly MAN'NERLY, a. Decent in external deportment; civil; respectful; complaisant; not rude or vulgar.
What thou think'st meet and is most mannerly.
MAN'NERLY, adv. With civility; respectfully; without rudeness.
mannerly adj 1: socially correct in behavior [syn: mannerly, well- mannered}]

1 : a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation <remarks having respect to an earlier plan>
2 : an act of giving particular attention : consideration
3 a : high or special regard : esteem b : the quality or state of being esteemed c plural : expressions of respect or deference <paid our respects

-----------------------------
What age do you think a child should be tough manners? or Respect?

If a 1yr old child is in a store and he sees a candy bar, The parent is checking out the food and trying to take care of her child who is screaming his head off... the women has no idea why.. for a 1 yrs old can not tell why the child is screaming... she only knows she has to finish the check book and pay the cashier!

the child just about falls out of the cart trying to get to the candy!

is it the mother or the child....?????

A mother is talking on the phone and the child 2 yrs old comes up to her, I'm thirsty, the child is ignored, the child says again, I am thirsty.. the mother gets mad and tells the child.. I am on the phone be quite! wait a min... but the child is still screaming I'm thirsty..

is it the mother or child.?????

The father walks in at this time he puts away his stuff the mother is still on the phone, get your child a drink I am on the phone, the father gets the child the drink?

what did the child learn????? is it the mother or the child or the father that won!

the most simplest things are the most complicated, things we as adults have forgotten as children..

if the child could have gotten the drink for herself she would not have bothers.. BOTHERED.... the mother....so next time stop and think..... could the mother have just said.. ???

excuse me a min i have to get my child a drink....??????
and then sat the child down at the table with a few crackers... and then finished her phone call...

because instead for the last 20 mints the child was throwing tantrums.....???? until his Father came home to save the day.. so now the child KNOWS... he can NEVER COUNT ON MOM.... only dad will save the day....

as simple as this might be... she just tough the child... to next time she asks the child to clean up the toys... the child will IGNORE..........

lesson learned lesson to teach....by the child..

These words i write are only a few that parents tell me that they have so much problems on.. and I am just a childcare giver, I am not god... I can not be at there ever whim.... they call me at all hours of the night even 2 or 4 am... to ask me questions...

What should i do my child is?????

I am not really sure where it all went wrong when women stop being women and men stopped being men.. but I can tell you that children are suffering.. there is no respect left.. or even manners.

Thank God my 3yr old teaches these kids who are 4 and 5 manners.. or i would have a tough time... LOL.. Good night!

Respect is not taught through spanking, smacking, hitting,belting, yelling or whipping.

All of the above teaches FEAR.

Respect is not fear.

Respect is taught, by being respectful.

Respectful of the individual.

Any form of domination from an adult to a child is ABUSE.

It sounds like you are more concerned with the lifetimne success as opposed to their feeelings getting hurt. I applaud you. Very few people look at the overall picture. Often we are so afraid to let our children get their feelings hurt we have sisified them. You know what being hurt has taught me more then anything else. I have learned more from the failures in my life then i could have ever imagined. Had my road been padded for me i would never have learned the valuable life lessons that i have.

also i disagree with lectures of kids. I think it is in the way we talk to them. When we lecture them in a way they can relate to they understand it better and it raises their respect for us. then in the future they will remember the lessons we have taught them and be able to apply them to other situations.

You said it sista

how about when said child is beating the parent?

my sister used to hit my mother all the time, then I stepped in and gave her a warning..

I told her if i catch her hitting my mother again i would call the police and have her arrested for assault and battery on a handicapped person. The only problem is my mother won't press charges.

My boys would never dare to hit me..and open a can of whoop azz on any one who ever did. Ya hear of this sort of thing happening alot. Your Mom needs to follow through and your sis is going to have to face some consequences..
sorry to hear that..

I remember the time my dad gave me a pocketknife for my birthday. He said "every man should carry a pocketknife"

until he caught me using it to carve my name in the paint on his pickup

I wish there had been a such a thing as "time out" on that day

You was such a naughty little **** Robin!

When given this gift of a pocket knife...did your father accept the responsibility to respectfully teach you the responsibility of a pocket knife?

I suspect not...perhaps he earnt your name carved in his pickup truck.

Oh boy.

When I was a kid, I was beaten and verbally abused. Never sexually, thank goodness, but the rest was plenty.

This may not be a popular opinion, but there definitely IS a line between discipline and abuse.

I see a lot of people in here saying that they have never had to spank their child and that it's just so wrong.

Well bully for you. I'm happy for you.

What you all don't bother to take into account, though, is that just like adults...kids are people.

What works for one child, may not work for others.

Some children respond to " time out " ( even though I would have considered it a joke since I was able to amuse myself no matter what when I was a kid ), some kids will not respond to it at all because there is no real " consequence " for their actions.

My daughter got spanked a grand total of four times in her time with me. Twice it was due to her doing something I had told her not to do twice before that, and twice it was due to her doing something that had her mother so irritated/angry that I figured it would be a better idea if I were to be the one to hand out the discipline.

Having went through what I did as a kid, I vowed to never spank my child. But then I realized that, sometimes it's necessary. Not to the extent that I got it, but necessary all the same.

99.99999% of the time, all I had to do was give my daughter a certain look, and she would know that she screwed up and not to do whatever it was again.

So you can take all your " I have never spanked my child because I don't believe in it " and do whatever you want with it.

If it worked for you, then bravo.

Just don't try to apply YOUR personal preference to every parent and child. Sometimes, things just don't work out the way you think they should.

What worked for you and your child/children, may cause another child to look at their parents as an ineffectual joke.

And in saying so, JustAGuy....what works for you...works for you...

I would love to hear your daughter's version...


(and I mean no disrespect...this is not a point scoring exercise...it's hearing both sides of the coin).


I was also beaten, abused, verbally, sexually and physically as a child, by those charged with the responsibility of my care....

Is that why I see any form of intimidation as abuse towards an innocent who sees the parent as their sole means of survival? Survival mentally, physically and spiritually?

No...it's because I see these four children that chose to come through me as the most precious gifts I have ever received...I am so honoured to be their mother that I could not ever dream of minimising them in any form.

Do they run riot? No

Are they disrespectful? No...they know it is earnt...never demanded.

Have they ever pushed me to the limits of my patience? Often! But it is ME that is pushed to my limits....and how I choose to react to any situiation is MY responsibility.

My kids have empathy, compassion and respect, for themselves, other people and property.

And not once have I ever even had to mention what a smack may be...let alone for them to experience it.

This society is violent enough...