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| Topic: Spanking Children PRO/ Cons... | |
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I see the saying 'Spare the Rod or spoil the child' differently. When something is spoilt, in it's correct term, especially of the era it was created...spoilt meant ruined, unusable, destroyed. I see it as those that use the Rod, as in beating, smacking, whatever....ruin the child. it was a warning....to NOT use the Rod, or risk ruining a child. is it "spare the rod OR spoil the child" or "spare the rod AND spoil the child" ? |
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I see the saying 'Spare the Rod or spoil the child' differently. When something is spoilt, in it's correct term, especially of the era it was created...spoilt meant ruined, unusable, destroyed. I see it as those that use the Rod, as in beating, smacking, whatever....ruin the child. it was a warning....to NOT use the Rod, or risk ruining a child. Aye that also. Amazing that it could have your understanding and mine... yet both mean the same thing. Use it not to punish... but to up lift. Authority is a learned behavior. so is spanking. Which ability would you think your child can actually use in its future? Raise by example. |
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depending on which translation you are using Provers 13:24 means the same
The message- 24 A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them. NIV 24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. New Living translation 24 Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. Todays NIV 24 Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are careful to discipline them. Arabic Life Application bible 24 مَنْ كَفَّ عَنْ تَأْدِيبِ ابْنِهِ يَمْقُتُهُ، وَمَنْ يُحِبُّ ابْنَهُ يَسْعَى إِلَى تَأْدِيبِهِ. As you can see the main theme of this verse, no matter which version you read, is that to not do any discipline is to not show any love. As far as what works for your child will work for your child. This thread keeps going on and on with the same thing. If you truly believe your side to be right make an argument for the other side. Are there any real benefits. what do studies show. It might amaze you what is found out. Did you know long term effects vary depending on race? Take a look. the studies are there. Just to give you a hint. Physical punishment affects whites more than it affects minorities. If you want the studies i will see if i can find them otherwise just do an advance search in google "long term effects of spanking" only search *.org sites (reputable sites for studies end in .org or .edu) |
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Is there a proper non-spanking punishment for a child that cannot and will not sit in a chair for a time out? Nor does this child stay in his/her room when told they are being punished. Nor does this child care that you've taken away all their toys. Nor does this child care they can't watch TV. ETC.... I don't think anyone here in this post has ever dealt with a real defiant child that will challenge everything you ask them to do. Except for Quietman's parents of course... lol
I'm serious, I've seen it over and over again. These kids make fools out of their parents. Running them ragid to try and keep up with what the kid will do next, cuz that kid KNOWS nothing REALLY bad is going to happen for what they're doing! They're just going to be told to sit, which they already know they won't be doing so no skin off their butt for it. A time out will only work, if you're dealing with a child that already listens to you. If a child will not listen to you, they will not follow through with their punishments either. Then what??? Go to your room becomes, Oh yeah? I'll jump out the window. All these posters of parents in here against spanking are usually female for one, that's a natural given... no offence... But they are forgeting entirely that they are talking only of their OWN experience with their OWN children over and over again. Hey, news flash, you've got super genius kids that never needed spanking??? GREAT for you! YOUR kids are not the norm, you didn't have eoungh kids to have a well rounded opinion of this world full of defiant kids. So get over yourself and stop being selfrightous, realize your story may not always be the best example to go off of. Ever think you may have gotten lucky with how it all went with your kids? If not, I encourage you to read the first line above again. |
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Is there a proper non-spanking punishment for a child that cannot and will not sit in a chair for a time out? Nor does this child stay in his/her room when told they are being punished. Nor does this child care that you've taken away all their toys. Nor does this child care they can't watch TV. ETC.... I don't think anyone here in this post has ever dealt with a real defiant child that will challenge everything you ask them to do. Except for Quietman's parents of course... lol I'm serious, I've seen it over and over again. These kids make fools out of their parents. Running them ragid to try and keep up with what the kid will do next, cuz that kid KNOWS nothing REALLY bad is going to happen for what they're doing! They're just going to be told to sit, which they already know they won't be doing so no skin off their butt for it. A time out will only work, if you're dealing with a child that already listens to you. If a child will not listen to you, they will not follow through with their punishments either. Then what??? Go to your room becomes, Oh yeah? I'll jump out the window. All these posters of parents in here against spanking are usually female for one, that's a natural given... no offence... But they are forgeting entirely that they are talking only of their OWN experience with their OWN children over and over again. Hey, news flash, you've got super genius kids that never needed spanking??? GREAT for you! YOUR kids are not the norm, you didn't have eoungh kids to have a well rounded opinion of this world full of defiant kids. So get over yourself and stop being selfrightous, realize your story may not always be the best example to go off of. Ever think you may have gotten lucky with how it all went with your kids? If not, I encourage you to read the first line above again. depends on the age of the child what can be done. for some ideas try dr lemans book have a new kid by friday. there are a few suggestions that might help. quick read you can get through it in a few hours or a week reading a couple chapters a day. not knowing all the things you have tried it would be hard to tell what to advise. one thing he does advise for situations like this is wait for teachable moments. these are moments when you have the child's attention usually because of what they did earlier. here is an example. here is a link that explains another one of his books how to make children mind without loosing yours. http://video.yahoo.com/watch/3140968/8912267 as far as being anti-spanking dr. lehman is not. what he is for is spanking in a controlled environment. 1) never when angry 2) explanation of why it is occurring. 3) always open handed 4) not more then one or two slaps on the bottom. also dr. lehman is a parent himself he has gone through the frustration of raising children |
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Is there a proper non-spanking punishment for a child that cannot and will not sit in a chair for a time out? Nor does this child stay in his/her room when told they are being punished. Nor does this child care that you've taken away all their toys. Nor does this child care they can't watch TV. ETC.... I don't think anyone here in this post has ever dealt with a real defiant child that will challenge everything you ask them to do. Except for Quietman's parents of course... lol I'm serious, I've seen it over and over again. These kids make fools out of their parents. Running them ragid to try and keep up with what the kid will do next, cuz that kid KNOWS nothing REALLY bad is going to happen for what they're doing! They're just going to be told to sit, which they already know they won't be doing so no skin off their butt for it. A time out will only work, if you're dealing with a child that already listens to you. If a child will not listen to you, they will not follow through with their punishments either. Then what??? Go to your room becomes, Oh yeah? I'll jump out the window. All these posters of parents in here against spanking are usually female for one, that's a natural given... no offence... But they are forgeting entirely that they are talking only of their OWN experience with their OWN children over and over again. Hey, news flash, you've got super genius kids that never needed spanking??? GREAT for you! YOUR kids are not the norm, you didn't have eoungh kids to have a well rounded opinion of this world full of defiant kids. So get over yourself and stop being selfrightous, realize your story may not always be the best example to go off of. Ever think you may have gotten lucky with how it all went with your kids? If not, I encourage you to read the first line above again. I didn't say that my child never needed discipline. I choose to not spank. There are other alternatives. |
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my mom only used spanking when all other alternatives failed. Which wasn't very often. Just the facxt that I knew she wasn't afraid to spank me was enough. No, I never feared my mother, I feared the spanking that I might get. I learned alot through her life experiences, without having to be spanked.
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Spanking?????
I prefer a back hand with a hairbrush up side the head |
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my mom would still spank me
if she could catch me |
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I rarely spank my kids, but I do spank them, not nearly as much as us kids got spanked,lol.
I try to give my children a choice and they know the consequences of their actions up front, the only time I have spanked them without question is when they endanger themselves and/or others, but, they wont ride thier bikes in the street anymore,haha! In a way, I want my kids to suffer the consequences of thier actions, I do not feel like it is my place to protect them all the time (to an extent), they need to learn to succeed, to fail, to learn from their mistakes. they also are not allowed to watch tv, eat junk food, and/or drink soda,lol....they are the only kids that I know of that will choose cucumbers over ice cream for dessert,lol. I must say I have great kids, but I am biased, I do think there is a time and place for spankings, just like a time and place for a child to make thier own decisions and to learn for themselves what is right and what is wrong. |
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Some kids think they can do everything they want because they are loved . Nowadays crimes are more than in the past per capita and many parents are struggling with their children's behaviour .
I wish I can enter a kid's brain and know how he or she sees this world as some of them have crazy behaviour .The question is : if a kid is bad every day are you really going to spank him or her every day ?. |
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Some kids think they can do everything they want because they are loved . Nowadays crimes are more than in the past per capita and many parents are struggling with their children's behaviour . I wish I can enter a kid's brain and know how he or she sees this world as some of them have crazy behaviour .The question is : if a kid is bad every day are you really going to spank him or her every day ?. depends on the age. either way you need to find a way to reach the child before something does happen. And a child doing anything they want because they are loved well there is some truth to that. but if they are loved boundaries are put in place to keep them from what they are not ready or able to handle. |
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Edited by
Jon85213
on
Sat 08/15/09 02:53 PM
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figured since we were on this topic i might as well pose this question. What would you do if you knew children you had cared for were being abused(This could be a niece or nephew or another family member). No borderline definition of abuse but clearly abused according to CPS website. but by reporting it you risk the chance of loosing all contact with the children. would you still report it? or would you do something else? If so what else would you do?
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There is a huge difference between spanking and abuse . Any kind of abuse should be dealt with according to the laws .Kids have their own world where no one can really understand as they see things differently from adults .
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Is there a proper non-spanking punishment for a child that cannot and will not sit in a chair for a time out? Nor does this child stay in his/her room when told they are being punished. Nor does this child care that you've taken away all their toys. Nor does this child care they can't watch TV. ETC.... I don't think anyone here in this post has ever dealt with a real defiant child that will challenge everything you ask them to do. Except for Quietman's parents of course... lol I'm serious, I've seen it over and over again. These kids make fools out of their parents. Running them ragid to try and keep up with what the kid will do next, cuz that kid KNOWS nothing REALLY bad is going to happen for what they're doing! They're just going to be told to sit, which they already know they won't be doing so no skin off their butt for it. A time out will only work, if you're dealing with a child that already listens to you. If a child will not listen to you, they will not follow through with their punishments either. Then what??? Go to your room becomes, Oh yeah? I'll jump out the window. All these posters of parents in here against spanking are usually female for one, that's a natural given... no offence... But they are forgeting entirely that they are talking only of their OWN experience with their OWN children over and over again. Hey, news flash, you've got super genius kids that never needed spanking??? GREAT for you! YOUR kids are not the norm, you didn't have eoungh kids to have a well rounded opinion of this world full of defiant kids. So get over yourself and stop being selfrightous, realize your story may not always be the best example to go off of. Ever think you may have gotten lucky with how it all went with your kids? If not, I encourage you to read the first line above again. Is that a bug up your butt, or are you just pleased to see me??? I have worked with handicapped kids, troubled kids, homeless kids, had four of my own, raised 6 so far, and am a foster parent. Wanna retry the self righteous part of YOUR post? 
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Edited by
Jon85213
on
Sun 08/16/09 08:58 PM
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so how do you handle a kid who is adhd and ODD? what is the best way to discipline them? Basically they fly around the house from one project to the next and if you try and punish them they zone out real quick or if they do pay attention they blow you off because you are trying to discipline them? just to top it all off he is almost 13 and has not had any discipline for most of his life. parents actually tell him he does not need to listen to other adults yet they do nothing to correct his behavior. any suggestions? seriously this is a real life situation. therapy has only scratched the surface. medication is not an option unless you are going to force it down his throat and keep him from vomiting it back up.
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so how do you handle a kid who is adhd and ODD? what is the best way to discipline them? Basically they fly around the house from one project to the next and if you try and punish them they zone out real quick or if they do pay attention they blow you off because you are trying to discipline them? just to top it all off he is almost 13 and has not had any discipline for most of his life. parents actually tell him he does not need to listen to other adults yet they do nothing to correct his behavior. any suggestions? seriously this is a real life situation. therapy has only scratched the surface. medication is not an option unless you are going to force it down his throat and keep him from vomiting it back up. Are you making this stuff up to bait people? ADHD and ODD children are special situations. Spanking won't make it better. So then you add no discipline and 13 years old and parents like that? If that is the case, I feel sorry for the child. |
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so how do you handle a kid who is adhd and ODD? what is the best way to discipline them? Basically they fly around the house from one project to the next and if you try and punish them they zone out real quick or if they do pay attention they blow you off because you are trying to discipline them? just to top it all off he is almost 13 and has not had any discipline for most of his life. parents actually tell him he does not need to listen to other adults yet they do nothing to correct his behavior. any suggestions? seriously this is a real life situation. therapy has only scratched the surface. medication is not an option unless you are going to force it down his throat and keep him from vomiting it back up. Are you making this stuff up to bait people? ADHD and ODD children are special situations. Spanking won't make it better. So then you add no discipline and 13 years old and parents like that? If that is the case, I feel sorry for the child. wish i was making it up. but it is a true story. the hard part is for every step forward parents undo it. so i end running in circles. i have just about given up because when the parents are working against you there is little you can do. should i also add the fact of an unstable environment. lots of moving around and such. sometimes two to three times a year. and issues of the parents. its a Jerry springer episode waiting to happen, lol. on a side note this does actually happen a lot. one parent will be on board with doing things different. and the other parent will sabotage everything to prove that it doesn't work. usually see this in blended families and marriages that happened as a result of a pregnancy. i think parenting should be one of the most important talks before any wedding plans. |
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No one feels sorry for the parents these days ....
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Edited by
tohyup
on
Mon 08/17/09 06:56 AM
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Double post......Ooops.
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