I beleive a good swat on the butt does no harm, dosnt promote viloence and all that crap!!! What I have found to work for me is If I am gonna spank my child I tell Her what she did wrong, WHY she is goona get spanked and the send her to her room and make her wait atleast ten minutes to carry it out. It gives me time to cool off and her time to realize what she did and why I am punishing her. Usually the wait is worst than the spanking could ever do. I spanked my daughter and she has grown up to be a fine woman and loves her dad!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're right. My child being placed in a gifted class doesn't mean all of that. But...I had just opened the letter and was very tickled to read about it.

But still...my child has accepted the boundaries appropriate for their age. My child is respectful and well behaved.

pro's = makes the little b@astards do as they are told!!

But that's my whole point, Jess.

What works for one parent isn't going to work for all.

I'm not saying every parent should spank their child.

All I am saying is that if the other disciplines, such as time out, taking stuff away from them or whatever, aren't working, then continually pursuing them is silly.

After all, the definition of insanity is " repeating the same action repeatedly and expecting a different outcome ".

" Ok mister. You are getting a time out. "

When time out is over, the kid goes back to doing what he/she was doing, but maybe a little more carefully so as not to get caught.

" I told you not to do that. You are getting another time out. "

Does that seems sensible to you???

My daughter, from the reports I have gotten from some folks, is a very well adjusted, polite, intelligent child.

From what I have been told, the only thing that may have messed her up is that her mom left the state with her a long time ago and denied her access to me.

My daughter was, and still is, the absolute highlight of my life. I cherish her more than my life. She truly was a gift to me. I would do anything, ANYTHING to get back the time with her that was taken from me.

As far as hearing my daughter's version...I would be relatively sure that she wouldn't be able to remember me swatting her on the butt.

But who knows. Maybe I ' scarred her for life '.

I'll ask her when/if I ever get to see her again.

for those of you who say that kids who do not get spanked turn out great did you not read the first post that started this thread? It has fallen off now. but it was startd by a member who was complaining that she wished her parents had spanked her more often because then she would not be as messed up now. they did all the non-violent discipline ways. yet to her this was not love.

Each child is different in the way they see love and discipline. Some children honestly see love in spanking. As odd as this may seam the act of physical touch whether it is in discipline or in hugging can impact some children more than anything else. Now others they may be more impacted from a timeout because time with you they value so much more. Pay attention to your kids and see how they respond to love.

For you who are not aware of this each of us speaks love in a different way. A good way to find out how your child speaks love is a book called "the 5 love languages" by gary chapman. he has a version for children and teens. By knowing how your child communicates love you can often discipline in a more effective manor. Think about it if your child shows loves by gifts then by taking away rewards and gifts you have given them they respond dramitically. Whereas that same child may not be affected by a time out or spanking at all.

What it all comes down to is pay attention to your children only then will you discover what works best for them and can properly discipline and guide them. Then you can help them avoid all the stupid miakes that you have made. after all is this not your primary job as a parent?

I just got goosebumps reading that...you delightfully naughty man!!!!!!

I feel so sad for you JustAGuy....


I agree doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result is pure madness.


Resorting to striking a child...(and a smack is that, no matter which way we want to dilute it)...is the parent being unable to come up with understanding the child....it's an act of frustration.....or worse, a threat.


Removing the offending article, or child from the offending act, is always first port of call for me.

Then asking why is it you wish to continue doing that?

I talk with my child...as an infant and a tiny little person, a preteen, an older teen..obviously age appropriate conversation..

Time outs? yes...in another part of the same room, or in an open room, where they can see you...for little people this can be effective.

I am always cautious of not instilling a sense of abondonment...and never resort to threats.

Jess. You are making it sound like I did that on a completely random basis. Or that I did it constantly as the only form of discipline. I didn't and it wasn't. Please read back to my first post on this subject ( which I should have known better than to get involved in ) and note that my daughter was spanked a grand total of 4 times. That was during the ten years that I was with her. What her mother did with her after that, I have no idea.

I can guarantee you that my daughter got a whole hell of a lot more hugs than she did spankings.

I never, ever spanked her out of anger or frustration. Having went through what I did as a child, I KNEW beyond a doubt that doing so was pointless. Also keep in mind that I said I did it AFTER having told her that I didn't want her doing what she was doing. I also told her WHY I didn't want her doing whatever it was.

Perhaps the " threat " of getting spanked, because it was SO infrequent, led my daughter to behave herself when considering doing something she knew, or at least thought might be, wrong.

Whoa!!!

Not at all JustAGuy...please remove that thought from your mind...I have NO INTENTION of creating the appearance that you are some child beater!


Please...

my post you refer to was only how I view this subject...and NEVER a judgement call on you!!!!


Apologies if it felt that way.

No worries, Jess.

I misunderstood.

My apologies.

time outs are nice..if they work. they never worked on me as i would never sit still long enough. no i did not have adhd or anything like that, I just didn't do time outs. Usually if i got a time out it was in the room with her where she could watch me and make sure i sat there...unfortunately I never learned anything from it other than I had to be bored out of my mind.

she did, she did, {{{{,fight,fight,fight}}}

You'd like that, wouldn't you??? lol

All I know is in my experience with many many people struggleing to make it in the world the ones that seem to have the hardest are the soft shades of gray folks that somehow got the idea that they are the exception to rules and boundries.

The ones that think their parents, or novice social workers, will excuse abominable behavior and get them out of the mess they have gotten themselves into with public service, or paying a fine, or attending counseling. And if not that just turning on the charm and pretending to be remorseful. Or being smart enough to not get caught by overly permissive parents that are so confident that their little darlings are golden just because they are smart long enough that they are up to their eyeballs in trouble. Or they volunteer somewhere. That doesn't necessarily show empathy. That is part of upper class strutting and many of the kids know it.

Now days you can't cry your way out of jail or just promise to be good when you get caught. Even if you get off easy you get a record. Young people better be prepared to stay with in the lines on some things. If you can stake your child's future that soft talk will prepare them for a hard world their your kid. I am pretty sure I will be seeing them weather I have any resources, or another job, or another landlord that will rent to them when they are bankrupted, and a little past young and promiseing. Then changeing their understanding of the world is pretty much like spitting into the wind.

Spankings are a result of misunderstand.

'Spare the Rod...'

Rod means authority... Not hit.

If you use authority properly in raising a child...

spanking is not necessary in most cases...

For you will have used the Rod with wisdom.

so just a question would a taser be considered a non-violent punishment, jk but you know there is at least one person thought that it should be.

my mom has already told me she wished they had tasers when I was a kid

Boy am I glad they didn't.

The people I dealt with would have been buying batteries by the CASE.

I have raised my kids to know what respect means from a very young age. I have never spanked my kids and rarely even raise my voice. It is punishment enough to all of them to know their actions have disappointed me. My three are very close in age but have NEVER had an issue with serious misbehavior. they all know they are loved very much that i will disapprove of their actions but it will never change my love! They can be kids and experience lifes ups and downs and know they will always have a safe place to fall!

I see the saying 'Spare the Rod or spoil the child' differently.


When something is spoilt, in it's correct term, especially of the era it was created...spoilt meant ruined, unusable, destroyed.


I see it as those that use the Rod, as in beating, smacking, whatever....ruin the child.

it was a warning....to NOT use the Rod, or risk ruining a child.