Community > General Discussion

Topic: Being Upfront
Gumbyvs Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 2417	Mon 06/15/09 10:58 AM
You know what I'd like to see more of? Men being upfront and honest about things. Now, I'm not saying all men are like this, but from what I've seen and what other women have told me, many men avoid confrontation like the plague. It isn't that difficult to just be upfront about what you're thinking. If something isn't working out, let us know. It can't be that hard. I do it, it is not all that easy either. Seems the majority of women I've dated don't like the honesty. That's been my experience, too. The bottom line is that I'm supposed to want what THEY want. And sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Well, all the time, really. the sad part....it impacts those that respect honesty whether we like it or not. Undoubtedly -- but it's hard to know who's who until it becomes clear that "Tell me what's on your mind" actually means "Tell me what I want to hear." Which goes to the, "Does this dress make me look fat?" question. Anytime I hear that question, I tend to run.

gayfifer Joined Sat 04/04/09 Posts: 6655	Mon 06/15/09 10:59 AM
well if u want my opinion (which u don't) so far in my experience all men are ba$tards!

Gumbyvs Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 2417	Mon 06/15/09 11:00 AM Edited by Gumbyvs on Mon 06/15/09 11:00 AM
well if u want my opinion (which u don't) so far in my experience all men are ba$tards! Lying bastards at that, right?

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Mon 06/15/09 11:00 AM Edited by Unknow on Mon 06/15/09 11:01 AM
And here is the fundamental difference between most men and women. Men think women talk too much and women are forever trying to get men to communicate more. I'm thinking it will not be settled by this thread, but I'm being entertained all the same. Pardon the interruption let the battle of the sexes resume.

gayfifer Joined Sat 04/04/09 Posts: 6655	Mon 06/15/09 11:00 AM
well if u want my opinion (which u don't) so far in my experience all men are ba$tards! Lying bastards at that, right? yup! u know them?

adj4u Joined Sun 04/08/07 Posts: 21254	Mon 06/15/09 11:01 AM
maybe that is why they do not comunicate cause it is doesn't make sense it really is not that complicated explain why it does not make sense You started off by saying it was the woman who causes the confrontation. Why do you think that's always the case? no you are taking it out of context maybe another reason for lack of communication i said if most men are avoiding confrontation it is obvious then that most confrontation must come from the female My point was that some men avoid talking about anything all together. So, how would the confrontation come from the woman? if the men are not talking where would the confrontation come from the guy not talking i think not I think you're missing the point. Talking would be a good thing. no you are missing the point i never said talking would be a bad thing i am speaking of the confrontation between the two and i can see how not hearing what you what to hear would make no sense there was a post that said they knew what i meant so obviously it is not me be well i can see why one would not want to talk it out if you make it this complicated

Jill298 Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 16316	Mon 06/15/09 11:02 AM
And here is the fundamental difference between most men and women. Men think women talk too much and women are forever trying to get men to communicate more. I'm thinking it will not be settled by this thread, but I'm being entertained all the same. Pardon the interruption let the battle of the sexes resume. It's not the whole trying to get him to communicate more... it's when I get outright IGNORED that pisses me off to no end. It's mean and hurtful.

PATSFAN Joined Mon 12/10/07 Posts: 42782	Mon 06/15/09 11:03 AM
Who knew this would become a pissing contest

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Mon 06/15/09 11:05 AM
You know what I'd like to see more of? Men being upfront and honest about things. Now, I'm not saying all men are like this, but from what I've seen and what other women have told me, many men avoid confrontation like the plague. It isn't that difficult to just be upfront about what you're thinking. If something isn't working out, let us know. It can't be that hard. I do it, it is not all that easy either. Seems the majority of women I've dated don't like the honesty. That's been my experience, too. The bottom line is that I'm supposed to want what THEY want. And sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Well, all the time, really. the sad part....it impacts those that respect honesty whether we like it or not. Undoubtedly -- but it's hard to know who's who until it becomes clear that "Tell me what's on your mind" actually means "Tell me what I want to hear." Which goes to the, "Does this dress make me look fat?" question. Anytime I hear that question, I tend to run. yes...there are many drama queens out there and make the normal ones look bad too. same goes with men....there are those that first thing they want to do is fight and make the good ones look bad. if someone can't communicate with me...i wouldn't want to stay because i like to communicate and even debate (in an adult way). that is my type of person. i'd rather hear the truth even if i don't like it. i can deal with the truth but can't deal with a lie. but not everyone is like that. some want drama and fights

mscherbear Joined Fri 03/07/08 Posts: 15104	Mon 06/15/09 11:05 AM
I tend to agree with those that feel that honesty is the best policy. I may be hurt, but I would rather at least KNOW than to be left wondering what happened, what did I do, etc. I'm a big girl--I'll get over it. And as for the "does this dress make me fat question"--I know this is a tough one because not all women feel as I do, but if I ASK the question, it means I want an honest answer because maybe I'm feeling unsure about whether it looks well enough at that moment in time to go out in public dressed like that. JMO

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Mon 06/15/09 11:06 AM
Who knew this would become a pissing contest i coulda told ya that

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Mon 06/15/09 11:07 AM
And here is the fundamental difference between most men and women. Men think women talk too much and women are forever trying to get men to communicate more. I'm thinking it will not be settled by this thread, but I'm being entertained all the same. Pardon the interruption let the battle of the sexes resume. It's not the whole trying to get him to communicate more... it's when I get outright IGNORED that pisses me off to no end. It's mean and hurtful. Depends on the scenario. I understand if it something important that has not been discussed. That is usually mean and hurtful. There are those, both men and women, that tend to beat a dead horse. Ladies and gentleman, I give you my ex-wife.... There are times I ignored her rather than scream, "would you just shut the f*ck up!!!" I didn't want to wake the kids you see...

Gumbyvs Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 2417	Mon 06/15/09 11:08 AM
It comes down to these options. Man tells woman how he feels, woman objects, gets hurt and/or mad. Man tells woman how he feels, woman agrees, gets hurt and/or sad. Man tells woman what she wants to hear, woman is all happy and smiles. Man tells woman what she wants to hear, but this time she knows it, woman is happy until he leaves the room, then gets angry and/or sad.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 06/15/09 11:08 AM
no you are missing the point i never said talking would be a bad thing i am speaking of the confrontation between the two and i can see how not hearing what you what to hear would make no sense there was a post that said they knew what i meant so obviously it is not me be well i can see why one would not want to talk it out if you make it this complicated I'm not sure exactly what you think I've made complicated.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 06/15/09 11:09 AM
I tend to agree with those that feel that honesty is the best policy. I may be hurt, but I would rather at least KNOW than to be left wondering what happened, what did I do, etc. I'm a big girl--I'll get over it. Yes, exactly.

Jill298 Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 16316	Mon 06/15/09 11:10 AM
Depends on the scenario. I understand if it something important that has not been discussed. That is usually mean and hurtful. There are those, both men and women, that tend to beat a dead horse. Ladies and gentleman, I give you my ex-wife.... There are times I ignored her rather than scream, "would you just shut the f*ck up!!!" I didn't want to wake the kids you see... This is not a scenario I would be referring to... Sometimes people need cooling off periods and that's fine. But I'm talking about getting out right ignored because he doesn't want to discuss something or deal with an issue.

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Mon 06/15/09 11:10 AM
many men avoid confrontation like the plague. It isn't that difficult to just be upfront about what you're thinking. If something isn't working out, let us know. It can't be that hard. IMO...this is the source of the confusion. sometimes it is hard to be upfront and honest. because they don't want to hurt someone or the person will go over board with the whys. if they felt they could communicate without confrontations, they probably would.

lilith401 Joined Wed 10/31/07 Posts: 19593	Mon 06/15/09 11:12 AM
It comes down to these options. Man tells woman how he feels, woman objects, gets hurt and/or mad. Man tells woman how he feels, woman agrees, gets hurt and/or sad. Man tells woman what she wants to hear, woman is all happy and smiles. Man tells woman what she wants to hear, but this time she knows it, woman is happy until he leaves the room, then gets angry and/or sad. No! Scenario: Couple has conversation. They say things that need to be said. These things are discussed. Period. If the woman beats a dead horse over it.... that's another conversation! The point is when people avoid rather than discuss. It's hurtful. We aren't dumb... we know you are avoiding us.

Jill298 Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 16316	Mon 06/15/09 11:12 AM
It comes down to these options. Man tells woman how he feels, woman objects, gets hurt and/or mad. Man tells woman how he feels, woman agrees, gets hurt and/or sad. Man tells woman what she wants to hear, woman is all happy and smiles. Man tells woman what she wants to hear, but this time she knows it, woman is happy until he leaves the room, then gets angry and/or sad. No! Scenario: Couple has conversation. They say things that need to be said. These things are discussed. Period. If the woman beats a dead horse over it.... that's another conversation! The point is when people avoid rather than discuss. It's hurtful. We aren't dumb... we know you are avoiding us. exactly.

Gumbyvs Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 2417	Mon 06/15/09 11:12 AM
It comes down to these options. Man tells woman how he feels, woman objects, gets hurt and/or mad. Man tells woman how he feels, woman agrees, gets hurt and/or sad. Man tells woman what she wants to hear, woman is all happy and smiles. Man tells woman what she wants to hear, but this time she knows it, woman is happy until he leaves the room, then gets angry and/or sad. No! Scenario: Couple has conversation. They say things that need to be said. These things are discussed. Period. If the woman beats a dead horse over it.... that's another conversation! The point is when people avoid rather than discuss. It's hurtful. We aren't dumb... we know you are avoiding us. I know, but those options amused me! And you're a strong woman and you'd beat the truth outta the guy, so you can't talk!