The outrages I have suffered today will not be soon forgotten!

Butler (cuts eggs): Your eggs are cut sir.
Stewie: Cut my milk!
Butler: I can't sir, it's liquid.
Stewie: Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it, and if you question me again
I'll put you on diaper detail and I promise I won't make it easy for
you.

Do these huggies make my ass look big?

[while eating a pancake]
Stewie Griffin: Oh. Mmm, yes. Oh, God, this is better than *sex*.

Stewie: I want pancakes!! You people understand every language except
English! Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez-moi pancakes!
Click-click-bloody-click pancakes!!!

Peter: I don't say this often enough, but, uh, I'm gonna die.
Lois: Oh my God.
Stewie: High five! Anyone? Anyone?

[Peter is trying to potty-train Stewie]
Peter Griffin: You know, I oughta just give you some beer. Goes straight
through you.
Stewie Griffin: [sarcastic] Wonderful. And while we're at it, we can
light up a doobie and watch porn.
Peter Griffin: Eh... yeah?

Yea and God said to Abraham, "You will kill your son Isaac." And Abraham
said, "I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." And
God said, "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry,
pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."

Stewie (in car with Brian, says to police officer): We met on the
Internet. He lured me into the car with promises of candy and funny
stories.

Stewie: Did you forge my name? How dare you! Is this backwards "S"
supposed to be cute? I'm going to crap double for you tonight!

LOL Beth


Dear Stupid Dog, I've gone to live with the children on Jolly Farm.
Good-bye forever, Stewie. P.S.- I never got a chance to return that
sweater Lois gave me for Christmas, I left the receipt on top of my
bureau. I'm probably over the 30-day return limit, but I'm sure if you
make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. It's
actually not a horrible sweater, it's just I can't imagine when I would
ever wear it, you know? Oh and I also left a button on the bureau, um
I'm not sure what it goes to but um I, I can never bring myself to throw
a button away, I know as soon as I do, I'll find the garment it goes to
and then it'll, wait a minute actually could it have been from the
sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm. Well I should wrap this up
before I start to ramble. Again good-bye forever. PPS- You know what, it
might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the
sweater.

(Peter is trying to potty train Stewie)
Peter: C'mon Stewie, don't you want to pee in the toilet like a big boy?
Stewie: Well, perhaps I could give it the old college try. Would you put
your hands there on the toilet seat, it'll help me relax.
Peter: OK. (Slams toilet seat down on Peter's fingers.) AAAHHHHHH!!!!
Stewie: Listen you, I'll use these facilities when I'm DAMN WELL
READY!!!! Until then you shall continue to sanitize my crevice and be
DAMN GRATFEUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY!!! Starting right . . .hmmp. . .
hmmmp. . . . .hmmmmmp well then, not now, BUT SOON! (Walks off.)

You guys are sad

Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total *****.

rotflmao

5 pgs of madness

LMAO

Oh, forgive me for not being one of those anorexic babies from the
diaper commercials.

Oh yeah Shadow? Well our son says;(what Styx said) and,

Stewie: I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull.

omg BETH




Meg Griffin: Wow, Chris, did you lose weight?
Chris Griffin: Well, I've been working out all week.
Meg Griffin: You look wicked skinny. I'm like, jealous.
Chris Griffin: Thanks, Meg. I'm jealous of your mustache.
Meg Griffin: [freaked] I don't have a mustache... do I?

LMFAO @ SONG