Woo-hoo!

Dude.....I KNOW you have other, more lofty goals...

Not really.

What can I say?? I have no life....lmao

you sell yourself short. darnit if i were twice my age and lived within 100 miles of where you are i'd marry you meself all i require is candy and i'm urs for life

Hmmm..I still have that whole tin of Jolly Ranchers....

Selling myself short is what I do. I don't try to inflate my own ego. That way, no one can come along and bust a hole in it.

I know that I am a great guy. At the very least a damn good one.

Maybe I'll find the woman that will look beyond the fact that I'm not what one would consider a " hottie " and figure out that I have things to offer that no " hottie " even thinks about because they are too busy getting by on their looks.

Then again...maybe I won't. What happens, happens.

: shrugs :

gaa

you always know just the perfect thing to say to make a girl feel special.

OK... My friend as we talked last weekend.. I am going to post the question since. This is verbatim of what I was told today while I was getting coffee..


Hey L... You are so much fun I would love to go out with you but you are so damn far out of my league...What The bloody Hell does that mean...

I am starting to wonder where this is coming from..
You told me that if I posted this you would explain this to me. Since I have no clue what league I joined.

Ok. I will do my best to explain it here for others the same way I did for you on the phone.

It's like this.

The vast majority of guys don't consider themselves anything more than your everyday run of the mill shlubs.

When one of us shlubs says that a woman is " out of our league ", it only means that we know that beautiful women normally get attention. Mostly in the form of the really good looking guys who are confident and full of themselves who don't normally get rejected.

The funny thing is, there are an awful lot more of us shlubs than there are of the other type of guy.

So while there are a whole bunch of guys sitting around saying that someone is out of their league...there are women ( such as yourself ) sitting there wondering why they don't get approached much.

You, from having spoken to you, would seem to be one of those that follows through on the idea of looking beyond physical appearance to see a man's worth.

Unfortunately, you, and a few others I know, would be the exception to the rule. So it also comes down to a guy getting tired of being rejected. Perhaps he has approached women he considered beautiful before...maybe paid them a sincere compliment...and got, not only shot down, but insulted and humiliated in front of his friends for his effort. After a few of those, the majority of guys are going to shy away and say to themselves " Why bother? She's out of my league anyway. "

You, yourself, didn't voluntarily join any league. The league has been set up by men. It's populated by the women that guys think are beautiful, but feel they would never be able to get the time of day from. Or if they did get the time of day, it would be strictly in the friends zone because she wouldn't want to be tied down in the event that someone better comes along.

That may not be exactly the way I explained it to you, but keep in mind that it was late and I forgot a lot of what I said....lol

You did a pretty good job here and this is my attitude with this type of men...


Pffft... beauty is only skin deep and realistically is someone was only attracted to me for my body he would be so let down since we all age and someday he would be out looking to trade me in. Somebody that shallow wouldn't get even to a first meet and greet off the internet and in person well.. I told you what I said to him...

I really get frustrated that people can't just see people as they are and what is inside since the outer is so subjective.. I may be pretty to some and others Iam going to be butt ugly..

I agree. But the thing is, guys are only willing to get shot down a certain amount of times before they decide that they'll just stick with what they are more sure they can get. It doesn't have much to do with what's inside initially.

Attraction is what gets someone's interest in the first place. Only then can they look inside.

* edit * You said something in an email to me about guys needing to realize that most women want the ' normal ' guy.

You actually challenged me to post my response here in this thread....so I will.

The thing is, we know you may want the ' normal ' man...but you also would much prefer to have the rest of the ' package ' to go along with the normal.

There is a certain combination of things that every woman or man looks for in a partner. At the very top of that list of things is that there absolutely, positively MUST be something attractive about the other person.

It doesn't matter that it may be attractive only to you. It only matters that there is something that attracts you to them in the first place.

Ok running the risk of sounding like a petulant child here. I see this as a cop out for anyone to think anyone is out of their league. Come on nothing ventured nothing gained.

Most women don't really want that eye candy since 7 out of 10 times there is nothing there. Kind of like the Ken to go with Barbie.
I think most of us want a man that has substance, sure attraction has to be there. I think for most of us need to have out minds stimulated way before we let a man stimulate our body.

But the thing is....the guys I am referring to have taken the venture, and gained nothing. Except a few blows to their ego. There are only a certain amount of times a guy can withstand getting looked at like he's some kind of weird stalker because he paid a woman a compliment. There are only so many times a guy can withstand getting looked at like he has some kind of disease because he walked up and said hello.



But even if a guy stimulates your mind to levels never before imagined, if he's physically repulsive, he'll never get the chance to stimulate your body. Even if he's not repulsive, if there is nothing that you can find physically attractive about him, he will never be anything more than a mentally stimulating friend.

And even if they don't " really " want the eye candy...it's not going to stop them from putting someone who isn't eye candy on the back burner because the eye candy that actually has substance may come along.

After all...isn't that the fairy tale?? The handsome, intelligent Prince Charming type comes along and sweeps the woman off her feet because she is everything she ever wanted?

Oh I so disagree with this analogy.. We all have been shot down time and time again that is part of life. When we were born the doctor didn't slap us on our butts and promise a rose garden without thorns. Life has incredible highs if we take the chance and it has some intense depths of pain if we dare to live.





I guess this could be true for some women. sorry been there and done that. A really hot guy come at me I am going to make him work harder than the regular Joe...

Probably so. But the hot guy will certainly get your attention. Which will then add one more thing to the list of why a normal Joe would think you are out of his ' league '.

JAG & Sitka...
It's just reality that this works both ways. Women have been shot down...men have been shot down. It's a wonder any of us ever hook up at all! JMO

Okay, JAG...what attracts a person to another online?

Depends on if there are pictures or not.

Most of the time, it's a picture, or something visible about the person, that initially attracts someone. If a guy doesn't have a picture up, it's assumed by most that he is hiding something. Even if some female were to decide to talk to him without benefit of a picture, it wouldn't take very long at all fer her to ask him for one.

After that, the attraction can be heightened or lessened by verbal interaction with them.

Having been a DJ and having seen the interactions between the sexes in a bar/club environment...

I have to say that using the internet as a means to meet someone is probably a good bit easier than doing it in the real world.

Think about it....a guy goes up to a woman in a bar and says something witty or even just says hello. This woman doesn't find the guy attractive at all, but is probably not ( unless she's just plain rude ) going to want to really hurt the guys feelings while letting him know she isn't interested.

In an environment like the one found online, there is little to no fear of really hurting someones feelings. If she doesn't find a guy attractive, she simply doesn't respond the his email or message.

So do you think real relationships can be built in this environment? I'm just feeling curious about what makes people tick... probably should just go to bed and leave you alone, but am enjoying a glass of wine and some music and don't wanna

IMO, they cannot. This can only be used as a medium for a first encounter. If you don't follow it up with real life (and rather promptly) you will run the risk of building them up into someone they really are not. And that's where the disappointment comes in. Unless they were a game player, it's really not their fault. I really think the written word can only go so far.

I'm rambling, but I used to believe that you should email/IM with someone for a fairly long time before you meet them in person. I no longer believe that. I recently decided as long as it's safe, it's best to get that real life "date" out of the way first and decide then if it's something you both want to continue. It's just way to easy to get into fantasy land with an internet relationship.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!