Let me tell you a little story.

Last December, I discovered JSH. I thought it looked interesting, and
it was free, so I thought I’d give it a try.

A few days after I signed up, I got an e-mail from a JSH member who
lived in a nearby town. The e-mail contained too much of her personal
information for a first contact, in my opinion; red flags went up.

I posted a message on the JSH forums asking about it, because I really
wasn’t sure if this was something I should be concerned about or not.
Maybe things were different on JSH – I didn’t know, and I wanted to get
some input from the members, see what they could tell me.

One of the first replies I got was from a longtime regular, who wrote:
“I think you’re a phony, eat a d**k.” I was a little surprised by this;
it seemed more like something you would find on MySpace forums, etc.
Then, this same poster made a similar remark to another member on
another thread.

I reported this; there were repercussions.



Flash ahead several months.

JSH received an influx of new members, most of whom had come over from
another website.

There was grumbling among some of the old-timers, accusations of:
“They’re going to try to take over the site.”

They didn’t try to take over the site.

95% of them fit in quickly.

Yesterday, I read some complaints from a couple of old-timers, to the
effect, “I miss my friends who have left, the site isn’t what it used to
be, too many new people, I just want it to go back to the way it was,”
etc.

Question: When you signed up, was it part of the agreement that JSH
existed solely for the benefit of any one person, or any one group of
people? Was there a clause that guaranteed JSH would never change, that
JSH would always be exactly the way YOU wanted it to be?

Let’s be clear on this – it doesn’t matter who you are or how long
you’ve been here. The members don’t run the site. Vanchau and Mike run
the site, and, as such, they have every right to do so as they see fit.

When I see people complaining that they don’t like the site as much
anymore, simply because it isn’t the same as it was, x number of months
ago, all I see is selfishness. Me, me, me. It’s no good now because
it’s not what I want. I, I, I. Get over yourselves. There’s more to
JSH than a handful of old-timers who can’t accept change.



The truth is: I like most of the new people. There are a few I don’t
particularly care for. They are the ones who have refused to
assimilate, the ones who still only deal with the people they knew from
the other site. They are the ones who ask for advice, and, when you
reply, they totally ignore you unless you are one of the people they
knew from the other site.

I just don’t respond to their threads anymore. Why waste my time?

But I’m not going to sit here and complain about how much better JSH was
before they showed up. Because it wasn’t. Better to have a few CS
snobs and a few dozen great newcomers, than to not have the newcomers at
all. Because the good ones far outweigh the bad.



As to the old-timers who are complaining: there was a list made the
other day, on one of the posts – a list of people who “belong” to the
“old group,” a list referred to as “friends” of the poster. Among that
list was the guy who told me, as a newbie, to “eat a d**k.”

If this is the kind of person you want to have as a friend, well, good
luck with that.

If your idea of a “friend” is someone who makes a concerted effort to
drive away new people by being rude and vulgar and abusive, then I think
that says just as much about you as it says about him.

I almost abandoned JSH after my first post, figuring “if this is how
they treat new people, why should I even bother with this site?” How
many did this guy, and others like him, drive away before I joined? How
many have they driven away since?

And you “friends” of this vulgar, abusive overblown third-grade bully,
are the same ones who talk about how “friendly” JSH has been, how
everyone is welcome here, how this site is so much better than all the
others – while condoning the antics of your “friend.”

Hypocrites.

And I’ve heard the argument, “Yes, he’s an ass, but he’s OUR OWN ass,”
as if this somehow excuses this kind of behavior – and then you wonder
why there have been so many remarks about the “clique” here. Rules are
rules, except when it’s one of your own. Then the rules get tossed out
the window.

Talk to me about it when you see me tell a newbie to “eat a d**k.”

And then you have the nerve to belittle the newcomers, the majority of
whom only want to belong to a site that treats them with decency and
respect.

Or are you old-timers the only ones who DESERVE decency and respect –
simply because you’ve been here longer?

Hypocrites.



A website like JSH is a kind of living organism, its “cells” are the
members who join, who stay, who leave, who function here for their
allotted times. Change is part of the process. Change must occur if
the website, the organism, is to grow. The goal of any such site is to
grow, to expand, to serve its membership better – and one way to do this
is by a constant influx of new faces. Maybe the person you really want
to meet isn’t here today. Maybe they will be here next week, or next
month.

Everyone has a right to be here – at least until they mess it up for
themselves badly enough that they get banned permanently – and it
doesn’t matter whether you like it or not, whether I like it or not.

Everyone has a right to be treated fairly and equally – regardless of
whether they joined on Day One or just yesterday.

You complain about the “drama” and the insecurity threads – let me
remind you that we had more than our share of those well BEFORE the
latest batch of new arrivals showed up.

These new people did not originate the “Rate My Picture” and “Would You
_________ ?” threads.

And I will be the first to admit that I have not read every single
thread or post involving the new people, but I CAN say I have never once
seen any of them stoop to the level of rudeness and vulgarity that your
“friend” perpetrated on a regular basis.

What’s the biblical phrase having to do with being concerned over a
speck in your brother’s eye while there’s a plank in your own?



If I have offended anyone here – it’s probably because you see yourself
in the words I have written.

thank you lex.. well said as always...

well put, lex--

I've seen CS referred to before. Just to bring me up to speed, what is
that?
You're points are well taken.

ok good point so lets stop all these posts


if everyone is happy then stop it!


this is what the tenth post now???

At my own peril.....whoooo hoooooo! Tell it like it is.

Its a site like all other sites just like this one with peace harmony
and some flames thrown sometimes


no different.......!

standing ovation

bravo bravo

very good

bravo

awesome lex, you are truely a valuable commodity to this JSH brand. keep
up the good work.

Thank you lex

once again, very good Lex.

I might add that, for every time that I was offended for a snide remark
that somebody had made during the time I've been here, I would have left
long ago. But I chose to over look that and keep on, keepin on. JSH is
really a great site, with some really good people.

Haven't been around in a few days. Must've missed something.
I can't say that I haven't seen what Lex is talking about and as always,
My friend has stated the obvious most eloquently.

A cold one for LexFonteyne

I would love to get to know you better

what in heck is bringing these's posts up anyways?
what did I miss out on here?

This post needs to die like all the rest that just popped up enough
already! Everyone get off the platform for gods sake......

Well if the truth hurts...........

the truth is we are all one with different perspectives and
ideas........

Tulip: "the truth is we are all one with different perspectives and
ideas........"

Then let me express mine. I note that you are the only one who is
expressing any objection to my words thus far.