Oops, I forgot. I owe Penny's $300 now from Christmas shopping.

Thats what pre-nups are for.

I don't think my financial situation is anyone's business but my own. Keeping my private affairs private is not "lying". Things happen, people struggle. I would not want to date someone who feels the right to judge people for that. There are more important things than money and your credit rating.

Wow, another debt topic.

There are shades of gray. HellKitten sounds like a responsible person taking care of her debt, but there are people out there who are irresponsible and want a quick fix. I was in debt when I met my wife, and I lived a spartan life style to a stick budget to pay that debt off myself. I remember my wife asking if I wanted to know how much money she had and I told her I didn't care.

I do have high standards though. While dating, debt isn't such a problem, but if a relationship were starting to form, that's when full disclosure comes into play.

Exactly!

I've never been with anyone that had any fortune whatsoever to speak of. They could barely keep a job 3 days out of a week to 9 months out of the year. And, what they earned, they selfishly spent on themselves or their addictions, whether chemical or not.

Thank you, but I take care of when I can. I just don't expect anyone else to since I am the one that made the debt. : ) Money is the root of all evil and ruins so many relationships. I could live in a yugo with the man I love. Simple. I have standards, but they can be replaced, just cause.

Im not sure anyone on this thread argued that point in the INITIAL stages of a burgeoning relationship. I was referring to later, if the commitment becomes much more substantial and living together or marriage is a real consideration, then yes, I need to know what is going on with a person's finances and at least where they stand. I would also do them the same courtesy. I have nothing to hide.

I've never been with anyone that had any fortune whatsoever to speak of. They could barely keep a job 3 days out of a week to 9 months out of the year. And, what they earned, they selfishly spent on themselves or their addictions, whether chemical or not.



FYI -There are some very nice tests for codependency that you can take online.

You've got to be kidding. Do you think this might be your own fault?

ding ding ding. I viewed my won financial problems as my failure and I expected no one to help me out.

No need to. The self awareness is there and doing the work on recovering.

I choose to think your answer was helpful, rather than spiteful....but then, you might have emailed me privately instead of trying to publicly humiliate me like you did.

Shaming behaviors are what caused my problems in the first place.

Thanks a lot, dear.

No problem, hon!

Sorry for the confusion. I was quoting another post and somehow lost the quote thingy.

We've got a REAL winner here.

Oh yes, indeed, I agree with you 100%

I would have thought that if the topic was so shameful for you, you might not have posted such details in a public forum. I apologize for my lapse in judgement.

You've got to be kidding. Do you think this might be your own fault? I mean you overlooked perfectly good men, so that these assholes could have fun with you?

Not to say I've never done anything wrong. But you beat me.

You think?

I think the key words are involved in a relationship.

Someone I am dateing hasn't earned the right to know my financial matters or me their's.

When a relationship starts to develope I think honesty is essential. Starting with the basics and a few of the whys but there is no need to justify every thing you did or didn't do or give them access to your private records. It should be a process. With all the cards on the table before you commit yourself to anything.

I personally do not expect a potential spouse to pay my debts prior to the relationship or benifit from efforts they have no part in unless I offer them as a gift. I like shareing and things are not nearly as important as people so I can not imagine wanting to give all that I have to someone I commit to love. That doesn't have to be how anyone else does it but I don't see how it could work any other way.