I am constantly arguing with my ex-wife concerning money and such with our children. She takes home over 1600 a month, and yet is only required to pay a total of 88 dollars a month for child support. She knows that my income constists of ssd payments for the children and food stamps due to health issues with a son.
Last year she generously gave us 1000 dollars in novemeber to help out with rent, cover neccessities for the boys and help me get soem toys for them for christmas.

Don't get me wrong, I was extremely thankful and to show this, I relaxed a bit on visitation rules and such, to show her that I am willing to give a little when she does, so to speak. What the relaxation was, is I started allowing her to visit at home instead of in public, and for longer periods of time, even staying the night, weekend or even week so she could see them more often. I mean she started showing some responsibility and trying tohelp out more, I am willing to give what I can in return, ya know?

Anyways, that was the last time she did anythign like that (and no I dont expect her to give a thousand dollars every so often or even once a year lol), insofar as trying to help with the kids and such. This past september she went so far as to call the courts and tell them she paid me 1000 dollars last september towards future child support, so that the courts would stop taking the 88 dollars per month for a year.

She swore to me she did nto intend for that to happen that she just wanted to make sure they knew that she had given the kids money (brownie points basically). yeah right we all know how much B.S. that really is. So far she has doen nothing to rectify the situation. Now, I asked her a month and a hlaf ago to try and send me a simple 100 dollars (not even going into the fact that I should be receiving 88 fro her as it is) so that I could get a few gifts for the boys. She refuses to do so, claiminig she hasnt got enough money to do so. She has the money but she spends it on her boyfriend and giving him a place to stay and everything instead of her children.

Anyway, to leave the argument aside, I told her tonight that if she did not start contributing to our childrens upbringing more, and helping out more (and I specifically told her that all that means is getting the child support fixed, and helping out occasionally with a few dollars if needed), then I was no longer going to be relaxed on the visitation again. That it would go right down the center line which means no physical visitation during the week cause of school (during school obviously) and their early bedtimes and homework and all; no more visiting at the house; a couple hours per visit on the weekend (she has to be supervised by court order for safety reasons), and NOT every weekend. And also, she would no longer be welcome to stay with us when she visits which means she would have to get a motel room.

I do nt want to go ths route, but I am sick and tired of her shirking her responsibilities, and the boys suffering (and em as a result of that) because of it.

Am I wrong in choosing to stop bending over backwards to assist her, when she will not assist the boys?

, if she gets that much a month I think she can fork over some child support.

Sad to say but if she gave you the thousand bucks last year, her monthly obligations (as she reported it child support) should be coming back into effect. Granted $88 is not a lot of money a month for kids, but it was a court ordered amount, correct?

Are you wrong, absolutely not, can it be misinterpreted yes.

I just want to meet the insane judge that thinks you can raise a child on $88 a month.

You need to get that changed!

I am going through a similar situation as you are and no you are not out of line in asking for help from her when she is already supposed to be doing so. The sad part about it is eventually the kids are going to see how much little effort she has applyed on her part and that will make for a rough conversation. All i can say is do what you feel is right, you are the sole provider and even though it might make you feel bad at times its your responsibilty to do what needs to be done. Good luck with everything

hello, I just read your post & I am sorry to tell you, but all money received is to be reported & it would count as support. This is the law & I think that you know it is. As far as the visits are concerned, the only victims here would be your children & the example that you are sending them, by using the issue as a means of getting back at your ex. You need to think of your children first & not your issues with the ex. If you believe that she is not paying enough support, then take her back to court & ask for more money. Also, let the judge know just how you have handled the situation & you will get an ear full from the judge. In family court, the judge will look at what is best for the kids.

I agree you need to get that changed FAST. My lil girls dad is supposed to pay 250 a month on the basis he reported he made 300 a week/ 1200 a month. Don't let her walk all over you or the kids.

Wow, that is really low for child support. I'm amazed. I think that arraingement needs to be reviewed.

Modify child support (both report all income) - but heed wins advice you violated the visitation rules - may bite ya in the hiney.

Good luck to you and your boys

I totally disagree the kids are not the ones suffering. They see who cares enough to bend over backwards for them and NOT ALL the money is reported as child support. Unless it goes through the AG it's a gift I know been there doing that

In Michigan, which is where the case was handled and everything, no not all money is concidered support. I have that in writing form the courts. There was one time when she bought the youngest sona pair of shoes (first thing she had done in five months for the kids) and so I called the court and reported it, so she could have it deducted from her monthly support. The courts told us both verbally and in writing that that was not support, and anything she did outside of the 88 a month, wether it be cash or items or whatever was extra and a gift, not support, and nto even needing to be reported. Again this is Michigan, Bay County's laws.

As far as visitation goes, I am not denying them the visitation, however Iam not going to help her with it anymore either as I can not afford to if she is not going to go the extra mile to do her part. And yes, letting ehr live under my roof for two or three weeks (as it was last time) does cost me; it raises my utilities, it raises the cost of our groceries, costs me gas in the car to drive her around, picking her up and dropping her back off. I eat all those expenses so as to let her stay here and visit longer. But if she is no longer going to help out with the raising of our children, then I can no longer help out with teh cost of her visiting the children.

No I did not violate the visitation rules. I have been giving MORE visitation than the court requires, and basically paying the costs for her to visit, not taking away from the minimal visits the court decreed.

AG?

Daniel on a positive side I found the following article for you - stating monies given to you:

Special Note: This particular Child Support Information is for the obligor which is the person paying child support. Pay close attention to the last term above which is voluntary payments. It’s very easy to get caught up in this situation. Whether a payer has an open case or not, all money given to the custodial parent outside of child support is only considered a Gift.

Many people do this, but it can really hurt you in the long run. When the relationship is going well everything is fine, but eventually things can end up going BAD. If it does go bad your case will go into court. You will then plead your case by telling the Judge that you gave cash money to the other parent to support your child. Unfortunately you are going to be very disappointed when you hear that all the cash you forked over was only a gift. This means that it did not count.

Always make payments through the child support system no matter how good the relationship is. This very thing happened to one of our male team members here at CSA. He mailed cash payments over a long period of time to the other party. It didn’t count and it put him in the arrears. It was a tough price to pay, so take it from him and make all payments through the system. Trust us… this section of our Child Support Information page is priceless.

http://www.child-support-america.com/child-support-information.html

Is that true? Because for years my sister was paying for half of her kids medical bills and half of everything for school every year and was informed that paying for half the expenses didn't count towards child support. (her ex had custody because he could afford the lawyer and she couldn't)

I had to whip out my calculator. your ex paid for 11 months for her child support, she reported it on purpose.

See, she played the rules against you. You where suckered. Sorry, but it's the truth.

You have allowed her to see her children outside of a court order. (Supervised visitation, limited interaction...ect,.)

You have now set a presedence..a pattern or action consistant....

I am not sure if you can get a courts help now, but I would advise you to contact a lawyer or a entity that can help you to review the Parenting Plan to reflect that her monies are needed for your children's benefit and circumstances have changed.

Hope that helps.....

Oh I already know all that, but thanks for finding it and posting it, it will help others too I hope. That is what I was getting at over the 1000 dollars from last november. And thankfully it is SHE that pays support not me. In the end, it is going tobite her in the ass soto speak, as like you posted she will be in arrears when all is straightened out. and as faras child support itself goes, once I have back money paid to me fromt eh army, that is owed, I am going to be filing to get everything straightened out and her payments raised (by this I mean get an attorney and file etc). So far, I have not received support from her since september of this year, so she is now three months in arears, and it is only building.

Daniel, did you acknowledge receiving the money to the court?

As far as the visitation outside the court order, the only thing I have done is allow more time. I still require su[perviion etc. What I meant when I said minimal time earlier, is the amount of time the court decreed was reasonable.

And how do you figure she paid 11 months of her support? michigan law, she is required to have her income garnished, which it is, for support. Anything she gives outside of that is a legal gift, key word being gift, and not support.

I'm sure you can tell I get peeved when it comes to kids suffering in any way. TX law states If the child support is behind then they don't get visitation. I'm like you I fork over the cost for my lil girls dad to see her. I made it known he wasn't paying his child support I not letting him visit. I moved and I let the AG know I moved and asked if I had to notify him and was told I didn't have to unless he started paying.