Community > Parenting Talk

Topic: Am I being unreasonable?
bzmom01 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 788	Fri 12/12/08 06:23 PM
hello, I just read your post & I am sorry to tell you, but all money received is to be reported & it would count as support. This is the law & I think that you know it is. As far as the visits are concerned, the only victims here would be your children & the example that you are sending them, by using the issue as a means of getting back at your ex. You need to think of your children first & not your issues with the ex. If you believe that she is not paying enough support, then take her back to court & ask for more money. Also, let the judge know just how you have handled the situation & you will get an ear full from the judge. In family court, the judge will look at what is best for the kids. I totally disagree the kids are not the ones suffering. They see who cares enough to bend over backwards for them and NOT ALL the money is reported as child support. Unless it goes through the AG it's a gift I know been there doing that AG? Attorney General

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Fri 12/12/08 06:25 PM
I had to whip out my calculator. your ex paid for 11 months for her child support, she reported it on purpose. See, she played the rules against you. You where suckered. Sorry, but it's the truth. You have allowed her to see her children outside of a court order. (Supervised visitation, limited interaction...ect,.) You have now set a presedence..a pattern or action consistant.... I am not sure if you can get a courts help now, but I would advise you to contact a lawyer or a entity that can help you to review the Parenting Plan to reflect that her monies are needed for your children's benefit and circumstances have changed. Hope that helps..... Daniel, did you acknowledge receiving the money to the court? No I did not, as I am not required to do so by state law. Which is what I was informed of in court by the court when I DID inofrm of her buying the shoes and such to offset her support for that month (she wasnt receiving 1600 at that time, only about 700)

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Fri 12/12/08 06:27 PM
I'm sure you can tell I get peeved when it comes to kids suffering in any way. TX law states If the child support is behind then they don't get visitation. I'm like you I fork over the cost for my lil girls dad to see her. I made it known he wasn't paying his child support I not letting him visit. I moved and I let the AG know I moved and asked if I had to notify him and was told I didn't have to unless he started paying. Thankfully I have a notarized letter of permission from my ex to live anywhere in the usa, as michigans laws I can not move without her permission or the courts.

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Fri 12/12/08 06:27 PM
Daniel, I ask because it doesn't make sense (to me), any parent can all up Child Support Enforcement and say they gave the custodial parent $X amt of money, they don't just take their word for it. do they?

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Fri 12/12/08 06:28 PM
hello, I just read your post & I am sorry to tell you, but all money received is to be reported & it would count as support. This is the law & I think that you know it is. As far as the visits are concerned, the only victims here would be your children & the example that you are sending them, by using the issue as a means of getting back at your ex. You need to think of your children first & not your issues with the ex. If you believe that she is not paying enough support, then take her back to court & ask for more money. Also, let the judge know just how you have handled the situation & you will get an ear full from the judge. In family court, the judge will look at what is best for the kids. I totally disagree the kids are not the ones suffering. They see who cares enough to bend over backwards for them and NOT ALL the money is reported as child support. Unless it goes through the AG it's a gift I know been there doing that AG? Attorney General ahhh ok that makes sense, lol. In michigan, its the "F.O.C. or Friend of the Court)

Tazz42 Joined Fri 02/29/08 Posts: 9660	Fri 12/12/08 06:29 PM
I had to whip out my calculator. your ex paid for 11 months for her child support, she reported it on purpose. See, she played the rules against you. You where suckered. Sorry, but it's the truth. You have allowed her to see her children outside of a court order. (Supervised visitation, limited interaction...ect,.) You have now set a presedence..a pattern or action consistant.... I am not sure if you can get a courts help now, but I would advise you to contact a lawyer or a entity that can help you to review the Parenting Plan to reflect that her monies are needed for your children's benefit and circumstances have changed. Hope that helps..... As far as the visitation outside the court order, the only thing I have done is allow more time. I still require su[perviion etc. What I meant when I said minimal time earlier, is the amount of time the court decreed was reasonable. And how do you figure she paid 11 months of her support? michigan law, she is required to have her income garnished, which it is, for support. Anything she gives outside of that is a legal gift, key word being gift, and not support. 1000 divided by 88 is 11.36...that's about 11 months, yes? She reported it and did it on purpose hoping that it would go towards what she is and has to pay. I don't mean to be disrespectful and was just trying to give you a heads up......did you report it to the courts as income she gave to you? Even if it was a gift to you...she reported it as income. I have been through this before and thought I was in the right and found out I wasn't.

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Fri 12/12/08 06:30 PM
Daniel, I ask because it doesn't make sense (to me), any parent can all up Child Support Enforcement and say they gave the custodial parent $X amt of money, they don't just take their word for it. do they? In this case, they did, although I am sure it was a case of her having run across the cashier check stub after a year, and deciding to do this. I refused to carry that much money on me in person as cash, so she gave it to me as a cashiers check.

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Fri 12/12/08 06:34 PM
ahh she had proof - hence reported income, hence the modification of support. However, you mentioned wages being garnished - so I truly must be missing something... sorry tried to help

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Fri 12/12/08 06:34 PM
I had to whip out my calculator. your ex paid for 11 months for her child support, she reported it on purpose. See, she played the rules against you. You where suckered. Sorry, but it's the truth. You have allowed her to see her children outside of a court order. (Supervised visitation, limited interaction...ect,.) You have now set a presedence..a pattern or action consistant.... I am not sure if you can get a courts help now, but I would advise you to contact a lawyer or a entity that can help you to review the Parenting Plan to reflect that her monies are needed for your children's benefit and circumstances have changed. Hope that helps..... As far as the visitation outside the court order, the only thing I have done is allow more time. I still require su[perviion etc. What I meant when I said minimal time earlier, is the amount of time the court decreed was reasonable. And how do you figure she paid 11 months of her support? michigan law, she is required to have her income garnished, which it is, for support. Anything she gives outside of that is a legal gift, key word being gift, and not support. 1000 divided by 88 is 11.36...that's about 11 months, yes? She reported it and did it on purpose hoping that it would go towards what she is and has to pay. I don't mean to be disrespectful and was just trying to give you a heads up......did you report it to the courts as income she gave to you? Even if it was a gift to you...she reported it as income. I have been through this before and thought I was in the right and found out I wasn't. Lol, I understood the math thanks (thankfully my math isnt THAT bad, though close to it lol). No I was wondering how you figured that she paid SUPPORT all at once, cause michigans laws, as I stated above, dictate that anything received outside of garnishment is a gift and can not be concidered as support in any way. And again, I have been told this fromt he courts when I DID report her buying shoes for one of our childrenand such, and also that I was not required to report gifts. Now I am going to have to challange it as far as her having declared it as a payment, etc, yes.

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Fri 12/12/08 06:37 PM
ahh she had proof - hence reported income, hence the modification of support. However, you mentioned wages being garnished - so I truly must be missing something... sorry tried to help lol, whatever yourmissing hun, I am missing also so if you find it first let me know? And I appreciate the help. I know what I am going to have to do, do not WANT to do it, and amgoing to end up doing so anyway once I have the money, which is getthat attorney and sue. And by that time, I am probably going to be going for complete broke, and having not only the support raised, but her visitation canceled at least until she is caught up, if not permenantly. The permenant part is goig to be dictated by how much she tries to see the boys prior to me gettig the atotrney.

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Fri 12/12/08 06:43 PM
wish you luck - it's truly not cool when one parents disregards their financial obligations and their parental obligations. Guess the State of Florida is a lot easier to deal with - here you can file online for support, modifications, etc. A lot of self help centers, volunteers (yes the elderly, who were in that field and are very knowledgeable) and general assistance. Start with a phone call - get it on record, since she has that receipt it can be considered support not a gift, all dependent on judge. She's not in arrears as her wages are garnished, but a modification may help you. Good luck to ya

bzmom01 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 788	Fri 12/12/08 06:46 PM
I have a question about places other than TX. Does the non custodial parent who is ordered to pay child support have to pay for or at least a portion of the childs insurance? In TX they have to pay a portion of the insurance if not all of it. In other words both my kids daddys have to pay a portion of their Medicaid. Now if they get insurance that is through their jobs they have to pay it all if I want them to. Since I already have them on Medicaid why take them off.

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Fri 12/12/08 06:51 PM
I have a question about places other than TX. Does the non custodial parent who is ordered to pay child support have to pay for or at least a portion of the childs insurance? In TX they have to pay a portion of the insurance if not all of it. In other words both my kids daddys have to pay a portion of their Medicaid. Now if they get insurance that is through their jobs they have to pay it all if I want them to. Since I already have them on Medicaid why take them off. information re: Florida Medical Support Orders: We also pursue medical support for the child. This may involve a parent providing health insurance coverage, if reasonably available through an employer, or paying a specific dollar amount toward health insurance for the child. The Child Support Guidelines may include these costs. Court Orders for Child Support and Health Insurance: When the court orders child support and health insurance, we use all available remedies to enforce the order. If the noncustodial parent is ordered to provide timely proof of insurance and does not comply with the order, we may contact the employer to enroll the child.

bzmom01 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 788	Fri 12/12/08 06:55 PM
I have a question about places other than TX. Does the non custodial parent who is ordered to pay child support have to pay for or at least a portion of the childs insurance? In TX they have to pay a portion of the insurance if not all of it. In other words both my kids daddys have to pay a portion of their Medicaid. Now if they get insurance that is through their jobs they have to pay it all if I want them to. Since I already have them on Medicaid why take them off. information re: Florida Medical Support Orders: We also pursue medical support for the child. This may involve a parent providing health insurance coverage, if reasonably available through an employer, or paying a specific dollar amount toward health insurance for the child. The Child Support Guidelines may include these costs. Court Orders for Child Support and Health Insurance: When the court orders child support and health insurance, we use all available remedies to enforce the order. If the noncustodial parent is ordered to provide timely proof of insurance and does not comply with the order, we may contact the employer to enroll the child. In other words the non-custodial parent has a certain period of time to get insurance if the custodial parent doesn't already have it.

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Fri 12/12/08 06:56 PM
I have a question about places other than TX. Does the non custodial parent who is ordered to pay child support have to pay for or at least a portion of the childs insurance? In TX they have to pay a portion of the insurance if not all of it. In other words both my kids daddys have to pay a portion of their Medicaid. Now if they get insurance that is through their jobs they have to pay it all if I want them to. Since I already have them on Medicaid why take them off. yes, I should have clarified that. of that 88 dollars only 67 of it is actual support, the balance is for medical expenses

bzmom01 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 788	Fri 12/12/08 06:59 PM
I have a question about places other than TX. Does the non custodial parent who is ordered to pay child support have to pay for or at least a portion of the childs insurance? In TX they have to pay a portion of the insurance if not all of it. In other words both my kids daddys have to pay a portion of their Medicaid. Now if they get insurance that is through their jobs they have to pay it all if I want them to. Since I already have them on Medicaid why take them off. yes, I should have clarified that. of that 88 dollars only 67 of it is actual support, the balance is for medical expenses So she is paying for a portion of the medical insurance

Tazz42 Joined Fri 02/29/08 Posts: 9660	Fri 12/12/08 07:06 PM
How did she get away with only paying $88.00???? I thought and actually, in Oregon were I am at, and mind you, my children are grown, but back when I was getting support, it was ordered to be about 30% of wages earned. There is also a revised statuted that says you have the right to have the case reviewed every two years....it is the same in your state? How many children do you have with her? This makes no sense.......

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Fri 12/12/08 07:06 PM
I have a question about places other than TX. Does the non custodial parent who is ordered to pay child support have to pay for or at least a portion of the childs insurance? In TX they have to pay a portion of the insurance if not all of it. In other words both my kids daddys have to pay a portion of their Medicaid. Now if they get insurance that is through their jobs they have to pay it all if I want them to. Since I already have them on Medicaid why take them off. yes, I should have clarified that. of that 88 dollars only 67 of it is actual support, the balance is for medical expenses So she is paying for a portion of the medical insurance Yes, and like omeone else mentioned, if she were to ever work and get offered insurance at a reasonable rate through her job (which she wont cause she is incapable of working) she would have to get iinsurance for them same goes for myself if I ever have a job with reasonable insurqnce

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Fri 12/12/08 07:10 PM Edited by daniel48706 on Fri 12/12/08 07:11 PM
How did she get away with only paying $88.00???? I thought and actually, in Oregon were I am at, and mind you, my children are grown, but back when I was getting support, it was ordered to be about 30% of wages earned. There is also a revised statuted that says you have the right to have the case reviewed every two years....it is the same in your state? How many children do you have with her? This makes no sense....... when it was first decreed, she was not making any money at all, thus it was determined from as if she was making minimum wage at fourty hours a week. When she started receiving 1600 a month, I filed to have it changed and basically got the shaft cause I did nto have an attorney. It worked out to between 10 and 11 percent (minimum wage was 5.15 at the time). Even after the minimum wage increased to 8.15 they refused to change it. So as I said, I need to get an attorney once I can afford one. ::Edit:: and thats figuring off the 88 as support instead of the 67

Seakolony Joined Fri 11/07/08 Posts: 11968	Fri 12/12/08 07:21 PM
I am constantly arguing with my ex-wife concerning money and such with our children. She takes home over 1600 a month, and yet is only required to pay a total of 88 dollars a month for child support. She knows that my income constists of ssd payments for the children and food stamps due to health issues with a son. Last year she generously gave us 1000 dollars in novemeber to help out with rent, cover neccessities for the boys and help me get soem toys for them for christmas. Don't get me wrong, I was extremely thankful and to show this, I relaxed a bit on visitation rules and such, to show her that I am willing to give a little when she does, so to speak. What the relaxation was, is I started allowing her to visit at home instead of in public, and for longer periods of time, even staying the night, weekend or even week so she could see them more often. I mean she started showing some responsibility and trying tohelp out more, I am willing to give what I can in return, ya know? Anyways, that was the last time she did anythign like that (and no I dont expect her to give a thousand dollars every so often or even once a year lol), insofar as trying to help with the kids and such. This past september she went so far as to call the courts and tell them she paid me 1000 dollars last september towards future child support, so that the courts would stop taking the 88 dollars per month for a year. She swore to me she did nto intend for that to happen that she just wanted to make sure they knew that she had given the kids money (brownie points basically). yeah right we all know how much B.S. that really is. So far she has doen nothing to rectify the situation. Now, I asked her a month and a hlaf ago to try and send me a simple 100 dollars (not even going into the fact that I should be receiving 88 fro her as it is) so that I could get a few gifts for the boys. She refuses to do so, claiminig she hasnt got enough money to do so. She has the money but she spends it on her boyfriend and giving him a place to stay and everything instead of her children. Anyway, to leave the argument aside, I told her tonight that if she did not start contributing to our childrens upbringing more, and helping out more (and I specifically told her that all that means is getting the child support fixed, and helping out occasionally with a few dollars if needed), then I was no longer going to be relaxed on the visitation again. That it would go right down the center line which means no physical visitation during the week cause of school (during school obviously) and their early bedtimes and homework and all; no more visiting at the house; a couple hours per visit on the weekend (she has to be supervised by court order for safety reasons), and NOT every weekend. And also, she would no longer be welcome to stay with us when she visits which means she would have to get a motel room. I do nt want to go ths route, but I am sick and tired of her shirking her responsibilities, and the boys suffering (and em as a result of that) because of it. Am I wrong in choosing to stop bending over backwards to assist her, when she will not assist the boys? If it hurts the kids, yes. Circular triangulation, one trying to out do the other, or even let negative language slip within the children ear range is hurtful to the children. I am a child of divorced parents and feeling like a yo-yo is no fun. If she isn't good for the children then no, but she is their mother, and as long as she is a good role model for them they need her. If she isn't responsible with the children than supervised visitation is necessary.