Community > Parenting Talk

Topic: Am I being unreasonable?
bzmom01 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 788	Fri 12/12/08 07:24 PM
How did she get away with only paying $88.00???? I thought and actually, in Oregon were I am at, and mind you, my children are grown, but back when I was getting support, it was ordered to be about 30% of wages earned. There is also a revised statuted that says you have the right to have the case reviewed every two years....it is the same in your state? How many children do you have with her? This makes no sense....... when it was first decreed, she was not making any money at all, thus it was determined from as if she was making minimum wage at fourty hours a week. When she started receiving 1600 a month, I filed to have it changed and basically got the shaft cause I did nto have an attorney. It worked out to between 10 and 11 percent (minimum wage was 5.15 at the time). Even after the minimum wage increased to 8.15 they refused to change it. So as I said, I need to get an attorney once I can afford one. ::Edit:: and thats figuring off the 88 as support instead of the 67 That don't sound right. The COF or in TX case AG won't help you because you don't have a lawyer. That is screwed up. I know in TX if there's a change in income on the non custodial parents part they adjust the support automatically.

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Fri 12/12/08 07:53 PM
How did she get away with only paying $88.00???? I thought and actually, in Oregon were I am at, and mind you, my children are grown, but back when I was getting support, it was ordered to be about 30% of wages earned. There is also a revised statuted that says you have the right to have the case reviewed every two years....it is the same in your state? How many children do you have with her? This makes no sense....... when it was first decreed, she was not making any money at all, thus it was determined from as if she was making minimum wage at fourty hours a week. When she started receiving 1600 a month, I filed to have it changed and basically got the shaft cause I did nto have an attorney. It worked out to between 10 and 11 percent (minimum wage was 5.15 at the time). Even after the minimum wage increased to 8.15 they refused to change it. So as I said, I need to get an attorney once I can afford one. ::Edit:: and thats figuring off the 88 as support instead of the 67 That don't sound right. The COF or in TX case AG won't help you because you don't have a lawyer. That is screwed up. I know in TX if there's a change in income on the non custodial parents part they adjust the support automatically. yeah tell me about it. I tried to file an emergency hearing with the judge this past summer, due to a legal issue that involved her and her boyfriend almost running over a child and the county supervisor outside my home, and the court refused to let me file it, claiming I had to have a lwayer do so for me. I was moving to new york the next week, so I just let it go, due to the fact distance was going to help seperate some of this, and she knows she can not talk her way out of having her boyfriend with her in new york, as he has no family here (that is a prior issue to is her bringing him to my house during visitation)

hopefulhoffman Joined Tue 03/27/07 Posts: 123	Sat 12/13/08 08:32 AM
i agree on all counts with the other parent paying for the help of raising the child they helped bring into this world.however.i do not believe its right or fair to let an organisation like the goverment to determine what they should pay.or how they should pay it.to many parents are in jail now or cant drive becuase.we the people let the goverment take control.and the child suffers.its not about the money.it is and should always be about a child being abble to understand who they are.and what makes them them.if they dont get exposed to both sides of there heritage.then they grow not understanding why they react to things the way they do.and our saying your just like your(mom or dad)doesnt help.when they dont know there (mo or dad)personally.leaving confussion in there minds and frustration.so as far as money is concerned we have taught or children to value it over family.and when the chips are down for us,as they get older.we the parents become useless to them and get left behind.it has and is continueing to happen every day.just look atthe last ten years of life and youll see.children are growing away from family.think about it.on there level noty just your own is all i sujest.

hopefulhoffman Joined Tue 03/27/07 Posts: 123	Sat 12/13/08 08:36 AM
i am a farther of two beautiful children i love and adore.and would lay my life down for anytime.how ever in the state i live in i have not been abble to adapt to the way people live or think here.so i must move to a place where i can be productive.it means i give up a lot of rights.but in the past my son has shown much anger towards his mom after being with me.so it makes sence that if his niot being around me helps him at home and school.that i should be the bigger parent and stay out of the picture till hes old enough to understand.that i will always be different then his mom.and the love he gets from me will be different.still thinking about his life and education is more important then my want mor need to see him just an example of whatwe as parents should be thinking about.not ourselve

Seakolony Joined Fri 11/07/08 Posts: 11968	Sat 12/13/08 03:27 PM
i am a farther of two beautiful children i love and adore.and would lay my life down for anytime.how ever in the state i live in i have not been abble to adapt to the way people live or think here.so i must move to a place where i can be productive.it means i give up a lot of rights.but in the past my son has shown much anger towards his mom after being with me.so it makes sence that if his niot being around me helps him at home and school.that i should be the bigger parent and stay out of the picture till hes old enough to understand.that i will always be different then his mom.and the love he gets from me will be different.still thinking about his life and education is more important then my want mor need to see him just an example of whatwe as parents should be thinking about.not ourselve Or maybe he is angry because he wants to be with you and he wants you to step up and take responsibility for helping him with his education and other issues. Get out of the picture sounds more like running away instead of backing up the mother.

bzmom01 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 788	Sat 12/13/08 04:26 PM
i am a farther of two beautiful children i love and adore.and would lay my life down for anytime.how ever in the state i live in i have not been abble to adapt to the way people live or think here.so i must move to a place where i can be productive.it means i give up a lot of rights.but in the past my son has shown much anger towards his mom after being with me.so it makes sence that if his niot being around me helps him at home and school.that i should be the bigger parent and stay out of the picture till hes old enough to understand.that i will always be different then his mom.and the love he gets from me will be different.still thinking about his life and education is more important then my want mor need to see him just an example of whatwe as parents should be thinking about.not ourselve I think thats where the kids get hurt is when one parent steps outta the picture cause they feel like it's their fault and you don't love them anymore. Now if the noncustodial parent is not around from the get go they're the ones losing out. Granted the kids may still unloved by the parent whose not there, but they know who is there and that they are loved by that parent. In my daughters case her dad hasn't seen here since April(she's 2) and I will let her know it is nothing she has done or will ever do that keeps him away. It's his choice to not see her.

ddrgkd Joined Fri 05/02/08 Posts: 287	Tue 12/16/08 04:17 PM
The best advice I can give is for you and your kids to find a Christ loving church and attend regularly. It has worked for me and my daughter.

bzmom01 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 788	Tue 12/16/08 07:53 PM
The best advice I can give is for you and your kids to find a Christ loving church and attend regularly. It has worked for me and my daughter. Advice for who? I have a great church family as well as my own family is wonderful.

iceprincess Joined Tue 11/07/06 Posts: 5938	Wed 12/17/08 09:09 AM
i am a farther of two beautiful children i love and adore.and would lay my life down for anytime.how ever in the state i live in i have not been abble to adapt to the way people live or think here.so i must move to a place where i can be productive.it means i give up a lot of rights.but in the past my son has shown much anger towards his mom after being with me.so it makes sence that if his niot being around me helps him at home and school.that i should be the bigger parent and stay out of the picture till hes old enough to understand.that i will always be different then his mom.and the love he gets from me will be different.still thinking about his life and education is more important then my want mor need to see him just an example of whatwe as parents should be thinking about.not ourselve That sounds like a load of BS and self justification for not wanting to do your part. As for him being old enough to understand your actions? He'll never understand them he may be able to get past them and accept them for what they are (a father who didn't care enough to try) but understand them No nobody ever understands being abdandened you just learn to deal with it.

bzmom01 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 788	Wed 12/17/08 09:45 AM
i am a farther of two beautiful children i love and adore.and would lay my life down for anytime.how ever in the state i live in i have not been abble to adapt to the way people live or think here.so i must move to a place where i can be productive.it means i give up a lot of rights.but in the past my son has shown much anger towards his mom after being with me.so it makes sence that if his niot being around me helps him at home and school.that i should be the bigger parent and stay out of the picture till hes old enough to understand.that i will always be different then his mom.and the love he gets from me will be different.still thinking about his life and education is more important then my want mor need to see him just an example of whatwe as parents should be thinking about.not ourselve That sounds like a load of BS and self justification for not wanting to do your part. As for him being old enough to understand your actions? He'll never understand them he may be able to get past them and accept them for what they are (a father who didn't care enough to try) but understand them No nobody ever understands being abdandened you just learn to deal with it. THANK YOU

keepthehope Joined Sun 09/02/07 Posts: 4263	Thu 12/18/08 10:52 PM
You have to worry about your children, not her. She is an adult, and will just have to get over it.

bzmom01 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 788	Mon 12/22/08 01:24 PM
You have to worry about your children, not her. She is an adult, and will just have to get over it. EXACTLY Hello goofy :()

michiganman3 Joined Mon 10/29/07 Posts: 14521	Mon 12/22/08 04:51 PM
Contact Friend of Court, have it ordered that she pay child support through the FOC. I will delay the first payment to you, maybe a week or so. I pay mine that way if there is a problem its not mine. It comes right out of my check. You should have a case worker with FOC, start with that person. I costs me less than $5 a month to pay my child support this way, but that way its never late, always been the correct amount. No arguing when to pay it, how to pay it, blah blah blah. My understanding is that you can have child support adjusted when their is a significant change in income, in fact its her responsibilty to report this. Good Luck.

cutelildevilsmom Joined Sat 04/07/07 Posts: 8862	Mon 12/22/08 05:37 PM Edited by cutelildevilsmom on Mon 12/22/08 05:38 PM
i am a farther of two beautiful children i love and adore.and would lay my life down for anytime.how ever in the state i live in i have not been abble to adapt to the way people live or think here.so i must move to a place where i can be productive.it means i give up a lot of rights.but in the past my son has shown much anger towards his mom after being with me.so it makes sence that if his niot being around me helps him at home and school.that i should be the bigger parent and stay out of the picture till hes old enough to understand.that i will always be different then his mom.and the love he gets from me will be different.still thinking about his life and education is more important then my want mor need to see him just an example of whatwe as parents should be thinking about.not ourselve what a load of crap.keep living the dream buddy while your ex actually raises the kid.my ex pays child suport but hasn't seen his kid in 2 years.My son blames himself and has much anger towards his Dad also.so stop running and start being a FATHER.

onceuponatijm Joined Mon 12/22/08 Posts: 93	Mon 12/22/08 10:58 PM
that's asking alot!!! when did the species evolve??? did i miss something!!! where!??? when!!

special_guy Joined Tue 09/30/08 Posts: 6513	Mon 12/22/08 11:00 PM
that's being totally unreasonable...

bzmom01 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 788	Wed 02/04/09 07:12 PM
that's being totally unreasonable... Maybe I missed something. Whats unreasonable?

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Thu 02/05/09 10:25 PM
Just for the sake of being the devils advocate so to speak maybe this story has another side like... The OP needs to figure out what he really wants. Is it to chronically complain about the spouse he picked and divorced (but has not abandon her right to see and know how her kids are even though he openly admidts he makes it difficult until he couldn't get it done around the holidays. Or get his act together and not only be an honest custodial Dad; but a role model for his kids by getting off public assistance and having excuses. If the non-custodial mother is as bad as he professes just because she went to New York as a good parent he would have pursued the charges and quite likely terminated her minimal rights but he didn't. There is no way he had to have the boyfriend or the Ex wife stay in his home or provide their needs. If they were there at meal time he could have cooked his child's meal serve it to them and let the "visitors" wait in the other room. When the kids went to bed he could have told them to step to the curb. That he is behind the eightball chronically doesn't sound like her fault. He was the one to insist that he was to be paid by check rather than a cash gift. Probably so he could make a point (perhaps that it was not legitimate money) but he can not cry now that it's on the books. Spite usually blows up in the face of those who spread it. Do I think this parent is paying her fair share? We don't have her side of the story. If each of their children are collecting disability social security benifits from her, the ex-wife's, military service, Plus $69 and insurance benifits and she prepaid the kids her support so they could have a generous Christmas I am having less sympathy for him. That he convienently excludes reporting the children recieve a substantial amount and say she is only gives the additional support hurts his credibility. Just because some don't consider it money from her his stubbornness doesn't change the facts. I am sure he would feel it was a different story if it was he who had earned the benifit from his employment. It sounds like jealousy and that is not a disability. He decided to be Mr. Mom. Sorry just because he is a man he doesn't get paid for it any more than any woman does to be Mom. I am haveing a hard time wondering why he can't make ends meet on two salaries? Why he is still having a hard time makeing ends meet and why he isn't working? Maybe he is but last he said he was a stay at home single Dad which seems like a luxery for a Dad who decided to Father four children. Most custodial single parents work. I know I did with a profoundly disabled child and useing crutches and a wheelchair most of my children's pre and teen years. That his ex now collects disability check or earn the income he reported is none of his business if he continues to whine about not having enough to support his family but make excuses as to why he does not go to court for a modification. Seems like someone likes being a victim. And he does not have to have and attorney to go to Family court. His CHILDREN have to have and attorney to protect THEIR best interest. I don't know as a custodial parent he would have to pay all of it or not but if he is the one wanting to go back to court I don't see him putting it on the back of the taxpayers. Evidently he has enough for the court not to consider him and indigent. He could get his information, file his petition, and plead his case for his children. However he would have to know if his ex can prove she is now rehabilitated enough to be a stay at home Mom and wants to collect her own benifits to support the children he could end up paying her. That he doesn't seem to be very good at making things work and finding a way to have Christmas on his own without borrowing against the chilren's future childsupport doesn't say a lot for his problem solving skills. That usually doesn't impress most judges.

Bushidobillyclub Joined Fri 05/11/07 Posts: 5689	Wed 02/11/09 04:26 PM
Just for the sake of being the devils advocate so to speak maybe this story has another side like... The OP needs to figure out what he really wants. Is it to chronically complain about the spouse he picked and divorced (but has not abandon her right to see and know how her kids are even though he openly admidts he makes it difficult until he couldn't get it done around the holidays. Or get his act together and not only be an honest custodial Dad; but a role model for his kids by getting off public assistance and having excuses. If the non-custodial mother is as bad as he professes just because she went to New York as a good parent he would have pursued the charges and quite likely terminated her minimal rights but he didn't. There is no way he had to have the boyfriend or the Ex wife stay in his home or provide their needs. If they were there at meal time he could have cooked his child's meal serve it to them and let the "visitors" wait in the other room. When the kids went to bed he could have told them to step to the curb. That he is behind the eightball chronically doesn't sound like her fault. He was the one to insist that he was to be paid by check rather than a cash gift. Probably so he could make a point (perhaps that it was not legitimate money) but he can not cry now that it's on the books. Spite usually blows up in the face of those who spread it. Do I think this parent is paying her fair share? We don't have her side of the story. If each of their children are collecting disability social security benifits from her, the ex-wife's, military service, Plus $69 and insurance benifits and she prepaid the kids her support so they could have a generous Christmas I am having less sympathy for him. That he convienently excludes reporting the children recieve a substantial amount and say she is only gives the additional support hurts his credibility. Just because some don't consider it money from her his stubbornness doesn't change the facts. I am sure he would feel it was a different story if it was he who had earned the benifit from his employment. It sounds like jealousy and that is not a disability. He decided to be Mr. Mom. Sorry just because he is a man he doesn't get paid for it any more than any woman does to be Mom. I am haveing a hard time wondering why he can't make ends meet on two salaries? Why he is still having a hard time makeing ends meet and why he isn't working? Maybe he is but last he said he was a stay at home single Dad which seems like a luxery for a Dad who decided to Father four children. Most custodial single parents work. I know I did with a profoundly disabled child and useing crutches and a wheelchair most of my children's pre and teen years. That his ex now collects disability check or earn the income he reported is none of his business if he continues to whine about not having enough to support his family but make excuses as to why he does not go to court for a modification. Seems like someone likes being a victim. And he does not have to have and attorney to go to Family court. His CHILDREN have to have and attorney to protect THEIR best interest. I don't know as a custodial parent he would have to pay all of it or not but if he is the one wanting to go back to court I don't see him putting it on the back of the taxpayers. Evidently he has enough for the court not to consider him and indigent. He could get his information, file his petition, and plead his case for his children. However he would have to know if his ex can prove she is now rehabilitated enough to be a stay at home Mom and wants to collect her own benifits to support the children he could end up paying her. That he doesn't seem to be very good at making things work and finding a way to have Christmas on his own without borrowing against the chilren's future childsupport doesn't say a lot for his problem solving skills. That usually doesn't impress most judges. Sounds like some creative satanic avocation. Feel good?