Boys wear a bunch of crusty crap in their hair, shell necklaces, ultra baggy pants, dirty white shoes, long ponytails, dreadlocks, goatees, eyebrow rings, grillz, shaved bodies, long finger nails, Abercrombie attire, button up shirts with too many buttons undone, those huge things that stretch out the holes in your ears, womens underwear, t-shirts that say annoying things, i.e. "FBI Female Body/Boobie/Booty Inspector", FLIP FLOPS, Jesus sandals, or sandals in general. I don't like to look at my own feet, why would I want to see yours?

Back to who not to date. The workaholic who insists they will make time for you, but can never seem to drag himself away from the office.

"But I think you are the type of woman who expects a guy to be in a suit and act serious at all times. :("

Yeah, that's definitely the persona you portray on here....!

Exactly.... if you read my profile closely, it gives a pretty accurate representation of me... just more subtle than in posts.

After all, my posts make it clear I expect a guy to be smart and scantily clad..., right?

Since the last two were just excerpts from my full list of yeah yeahs and no nos, I'll just go ahead and paste it all...

1.) I DO NOT like a lot of huge muscles, orange tans, or dudes who post shirtless photos of themselves online.

2.) I DO NOT want to date a dude who takes longer to get ready, or wears more make-up than I do.

3.) I DO NOT like when boys wear a bunch of crusty crap in their hair, shell necklaces, ultra baggy pants, dirty white shoes, long ponytails, dreadlocks, goatees, eyebrow rings, grillz, shaved bodies, long finger nails, Abercrombie attire, button up shirts with too many buttons undone, those huge things that stretch out the holes in your ears, women's underwear, t-shirts that say annoying things, i.e. "FBI Female Body/Boobie/Booty Inspector", FLIP FLOPS, Jesus sandals, or sandals in general. I don't like to look at my own feet, why would I want to see yours?

4.) I DO NOT like to talk on the phone for hours, and I really stink at internet chatting. Especially if I have more than one friend on at a time talking to me while I am also trying to watch YouTube or look at poo-decorating websites.

5.) The person I date must never say or type the following things: "LOL" (or any other internet acronym for that matter. Ever.), "Alls" (Alls you gotta do is...), "Anyways" (There is really no need for that "s"), "I could care less", "Holla" (Puke), "Huzzah!", "Hella" There are a million more, but if you're not stressing out about how to form a sentence without any of these, then you should be fine. Also, I like punctuation and capital letters. You should too.

6.) I like to read. A lot. I like to talk to the person who I spend time with about the books that I read.

7.) I like music. A lot. I also like to talk about music...but that is with pretty much anyone. However, I refuse to talk about bands such as Creed, Nickleback, Boy bands, or new country, unless it is about how much they suck.

8.) I like taller men. At least a few inches taller than me. I'm 5'8".

9.) I like skinny boys.

10.) I like to write. I like to hang out with other people who do creative things.

11.) I don't like television except for M*A*S*H and Northern Exposure reruns, but I love movies. I've also recently grown fond of watching mix martial arts fights (live or televised.) When it comes to other sports, I watch the finals IF my home teams are in them. (This does not include football. I hate football.)

12.) All of my friends are also hilarious. I would date a boy who could keep up with our off-beatness, and absurdity.

13.) I like to make up my own words.

14.) I like children, and they like me, but I'm almost positive that I never want to make them.

15.) I don't care what kind of money you make, as long as I'm not buying all of your drinks and meals every time we're out.

16.) I rarely dance, and when I do, I probably look silly.

17.) If I had a peener, vintage furniture would give me a boner.

18.) I like people who have good stories, but Braggy McBraggerson need not apply.

I love the guy who says his kid comes first but meet them and it is clear the only person who comes first is anyone but. The kid is with babysitters constantly or being raised by his Mom or sister or the Ex's kids and the only comfort or attention the poor kid gets is being told to bring him a beer and a TV dinner or come kiss him goodnight. He can't tell you anything about his kid, doesn't know how to tell you to get to his school or the kid has a probation and parole officer.

This one hits a note with me. When I read a profile that says "my kids come first" it's a negative reaction for me. For some reason I see it as them taking a defensive posture even before we've met. This combined with "If you're looking for such and such, just keep walking.....", whether I am or am not looking for it, I get this negative vibe that moves me right along.

This one hits a note with me. When I read a profile that says "my kids come first" it's a negative reaction for me. For some reason I see it as them taking a defensive posture even before we've met. This combined with "If you're looking for such and such, just keep walking.....", whether I am or am not looking for it, I get this negative vibe that moves me right along.

What about ones who are sweet and wonderful, but that warn you about how much of a jerk they are, just so they can say "I told you before, that I was an ass." when they do something wrong? Kind of like a way out of even apologizing.