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| Topic: Someone please help me... | |
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At this age you are going to have to show him that you are NOT his friend but you are his parent. Sure you are going through a tough time and trust me, he will take advantage of it!! I truly believe that children use the whole "spanking" thing against their parents. I do spank my children when I need to..I was spanked as a child and my whole generation was. Look how respectful we are compared to the kids of today!!
I believe if you don't make your kids mind and if you can't control them...YOU are the problem! YOU have to show them who the boss is. You don't have to have them fear you, BUT you just have to let them know that you DEMAND respect and they have to respect others!!!! |
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Edited by
Krimsa
on
Mon 09/08/08 06:15 AM
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At this age you are going to have to show him that you are NOT his friend but you are his parent. Sure you are going through a tough time and trust me, he will take advantage of it!! I truly believe that children use the whole "spanking" thing against their parents. I do spank my children when I need to..I was spanked as a child and my whole generation was. Look how respectful we are compared to the kids of today!! I believe if you don't make your kids mind and if you can't control them...YOU are the problem! YOU have to show them who the boss is. You don't have to have them fear you, BUT you just have to let them know that you DEMAND respect and they have to respect others!!!! Bravo! Well said. If you are very concerned about spanking on the behind then another technique is a slap on the back of the wrist. It tends to "snap" them to attention and they realize they are misbehaving. It's not anything you must feel you NEED to do however. The time out can be just as effective, however it will require patience and consistency on your part. No letting them get up! You need to start the timer over again every time they move. |
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if you spank or hit him you are only teaching him that hitting is an acceptable behavior and that is where the orginal problem is. I am sorry but this makes no sense to me...The act of him hitting another is a aggressive act..the act of defending oneself is quite different..A boy of this age needs to know how it feels to be hit..If he hits another they will hit back and if has no value to the word pain he will go hitting others till someone hurts him bad... My momma had a saying something like this...if you think it is bad here ,wait till you get in the real world... I would suggest to the woman asking for advice to listen to the men here as we know what the real world is like from a male prospective and that is what this child lacks..Good strong male idealism....He must first learn to respect his mother and himself..Good boys watch out for their mom and protect her ,not abuse her..Make sure he understands that and he will be well on his way to becoming a man. |
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Edited by
quiet_2008
on
Mon 09/08/08 02:31 PM
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that is because modern (American) parents are raising kids in a world where there is no punishment or reward.
no more spanking no more tag no more Valedictorians no more Honor Roll if a kid in Little Leage is too good we ban him to make the other kids feel better and we are raising a generation of obese self-entitled pissies who couldnt rise to a challenge |
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Edited by
Krimsa
on
Mon 09/08/08 02:29 PM
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that is because modern (American) parents are raising kids in a world where there is no punishment or reward. no more spanking no more tag no more Valedictorians no more Honor Roll if a kid in Little Leage is too good we ban him to make the other kids feel better and we are raising a generation of obese entitled pissies who couldnt rise to a challenge I would agree with this. I wont go so far as to presume to tell parents how they should discipline their own children but I was spanked and slapped on the wrist when I was younger and I didn't grow into a serial killer. I simply learned that actions have consequences. Good or bad results depending on how I reacted to various situations. So if you allow a child to be violent and attack adults or other children, basically all you are doing is reinforcing that behavior. Trust me, you can reinforce it all the way into prison because they wont grow out of that and it will intensify in their day to day engagement with other people. |
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What do I do with a very sassy 7 year old boy...he woke up very crabby and is simply being mean to me calling me nasty names and hitting me...I don't know what to do... 
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My daughter is spoiled since my divorce too, but there are things that are not and will never be allowed in my home. Name calling, hitting and spitting are among them. My daughter is three so I don't have much name calling right now, but, when she is bad I don't put her in her room. I put her in a chair in a corner with no toys, no tv and no entertainment at all. I also don't spare the rod if plan A doesn't work. Sorry, but as a single mom I don't need her running over me. I always make sure she also knows why she is in trouble to give her the opportunity to not do it again. It seems to be working, but you have to start early or it is an uphill battle to get them back on track.
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What do I do with a very sassy 7 year old boy...he woke up very crabby and is simply being mean to me calling me nasty names and hitting me...I don't know what to do... My bet if he is waking up nasty and mean spirited then you are not puttin him to bed early enough the night before. Or you are being inconsiderate about being quiet during his rest hours which should be at least 9 to 10 hours a night. Good possibility this kid has allergies to all the junk food and over abundance of stuff he probably has in his room or bed. Cover his mattress and replace his pillow at least twice a year ditch the fuzzy stuff. Keep the pets out of the sleeping areas. If he is hitting you You have taught him to do it or that you tolerate it from others. Cease to allow anyone to lay hands on you. When he lays hands on you immediately respond by restraining him face down on the floor with his hands pinned to his side until his tantrum has taken it's course. Lay across him and expect that he will buck his head and bring his feet back in an attempt to kick you. It nore it he will exhaust himself eventually. At seven it could take a while but better to check it at seven than seventeen when a cop is going to get involved with a tazer. Last but not least don't tell him what he missed because you don't like his behavior because he will only see that as talk and more broken promises. Further more I personally don't believe in taking a childs possessions as all this does is make him learn to steal or not think of his things as his except on a temporary basis. If you eventully give them back or replace them then it was not a real punishment anyway. Most kids have enough you could take half or more of what they have and they are not deprived. It is better to restrict his freedom or reduce your attention. Better yet catch him being good and reward him with praise and attention when he is demonstrateing the behavior you like and ignore him or segregate him out of activities when he is demanding, bullying, or aggressive. There is not enough money in the world to make right the pain a child feels over the divorce of his parents so give up on the idea of buying your way out of that one and move on. Get things for your child because he needs them or you want to show your love not your guilt. |
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The last poster makes good points.
Consistency and respect pay off. You give it you get it. Feed the kid right, get the kid outside, turn the tv off at least an hour before bedtime and maintain a schedule. Your kid will fight your efforts. It's the way of the world. Don't give in, don't be a bully and don't do what is easiest for you. |
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What do I do with a very sassy 7 year old boy...he woke up very crabby and is simply being mean to me calling me nasty names and hitting me...I don't know what to do... My bet if he is waking up nasty and mean spirited then you are not puttin him to bed early enough the night before. Or you are being inconsiderate about being quiet during his rest hours which should be at least 9 to 10 hours a night. Good possibility this kid has allergies to all the junk food and over abundance of stuff he probably has in his room or bed. Cover his mattress and replace his pillow at least twice a year ditch the fuzzy stuff. Keep the pets out of the sleeping areas. If he is hitting you You have taught him to do it or that you tolerate it from others. Cease to allow anyone to lay hands on you. When he lays hands on you immediately respond by restraining him face down on the floor with his hands pinned to his side until his tantrum has taken it's course. Lay across him and expect that he will buck his head and bring his feet back in an attempt to kick you. It nore it he will exhaust himself eventually. At seven it could take a while but better to check it at seven than seventeen when a cop is going to get involved with a tazer. Last but not least don't tell him what he missed because you don't like his behavior because he will only see that as talk and more broken promises. Further more I personally don't believe in taking a childs possessions as all this does is make him learn to steal or not think of his things as his except on a temporary basis. If you eventully give them back or replace them then it was not a real punishment anyway. Most kids have enough you could take half or more of what they have and they are not deprived. It is better to restrict his freedom or reduce your attention. Better yet catch him being good and reward him with praise and attention when he is demonstrateing the behavior you like and ignore him or segregate him out of activities when he is demanding, bullying, or aggressive. There is not enough money in the world to make right the pain a child feels over the divorce of his parents so give up on the idea of buying your way out of that one and move on. Get things for your child because he needs them or you want to show your love not your guilt. Hmmmmmm....your making a lot of assumptions about MY behavior.... |
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What do I do with a very sassy 7 year old boy...he woke up very crabby and is simply being mean to me calling me nasty names and hitting me...I don't know what to do... My bet if he is waking up nasty and mean spirited then you are not puttin him to bed early enough the night before. Or you are being inconsiderate about being quiet during his rest hours which should be at least 9 to 10 hours a night. Good possibility this kid has allergies to all the junk food and over abundance of stuff he probably has in his room or bed. Cover his mattress and replace his pillow at least twice a year ditch the fuzzy stuff. Keep the pets out of the sleeping areas. If he is hitting you You have taught him to do it or that you tolerate it from others. Cease to allow anyone to lay hands on you. When he lays hands on you immediately respond by restraining him face down on the floor with his hands pinned to his side until his tantrum has taken it's course. Lay across him and expect that he will buck his head and bring his feet back in an attempt to kick you. It nore it he will exhaust himself eventually. At seven it could take a while but better to check it at seven than seventeen when a cop is going to get involved with a tazer. Last but not least don't tell him what he missed because you don't like his behavior because he will only see that as talk and more broken promises. Further more I personally don't believe in taking a childs possessions as all this does is make him learn to steal or not think of his things as his except on a temporary basis. If you eventully give them back or replace them then it was not a real punishment anyway. Most kids have enough you could take half or more of what they have and they are not deprived. It is better to restrict his freedom or reduce your attention. Better yet catch him being good and reward him with praise and attention when he is demonstrateing the behavior you like and ignore him or segregate him out of activities when he is demanding, bullying, or aggressive. There is not enough money in the world to make right the pain a child feels over the divorce of his parents so give up on the idea of buying your way out of that one and move on. Get things for your child because he needs them or you want to show your love not your guilt. Hmmmmmm....your making a lot of assumptions about MY behavior.... If any are inaccurate my profound apology. My remarks come from almost 40 years of child rearing and working extensively and intimately with families. As I see it the Parent is the most critical person in a child's life and usely plays a key role in any behavior good and not so good. They als0 come from a real appreciation of what it means to be a solo parent and face a number of crisis. I am not trying to be popular, funny, bully, or be a smartass but I do care about your success as a parent and as a person. Not all parents are the same but the same consistent problems show up with the same consistent reasons so I hit the high spots and try to address any specifics as I read them in the op or subsequent remarks. With out an extensive interview it is difficult to offer a really specific response. However what I can offer is a quick and honest response. I hope what I post helps because if it didn't I would have wasted a lot of time and effort writing it and praying over it. You have to be the one to determin how close I am to the mark. Maybe you only take a way a kernal of it maybe the whole but I don't bother responding to people I don't have the feeling will bother to listen and contemplate what I have said as a best interest in you and your kid response. |
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Edited by
Krimsa
on
Wed 09/17/08 05:42 AM
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I would agree with Pacific Star and feel like she did offer you some very good advice here. It would be up to you to pick through it and pull out whatever does not necessarily correspond to your particular situation. I never had the sense she was accusing you personally of doing anything wrong and even if you are, she was giving you pointers on how to change that behavior. You must keep in mind that YOU posted this question initially and asked that we offer you suggestions. This should not be about you anyway and I was under the impression we were addressing the child's behavior? Unless Im off base here totally.
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Consistency is key. Establish rules and hold him to it. My son tries this with me, this morning he got grounded for the night for talking back. You have to love him enough to be firm, spoiling him teaches him nothing. Oh no, wait... it does. It teaches him that you will reward him for bad behavior because you feel guilty. I've been where you are, and my words are not meant to be harsh.... just how it is. Kids need rules, boundaries, and CONSISTENT outcomes every time to feel safe and secure. Oh and hitting him when he is bad teaches him hitting is okay.... really it does. ding ding! you are correct you just recieved 5000 good-parent points 
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What do I do with a very sassy 7 year old boy...he woke up very crabby and is simply being mean to me calling me nasty names and hitting me...I don't know what to do... I have found that when that behavior happens suddenly, sometimes mine was starting to get sick. You know those ear infections come on quickly. lol If child is healthy, there is some good non-spanking advise on here. Gotta love that time-out - one minute for each year of age. |
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I have two daughters (no son) and I've heard that raising boys is different from raising girls. However, what works for my girls also works on my two nephews ( and my sister is also a single parent) 1. CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY!!! Both my daughters and my nephews know that if I say something then that is how it will be. no waffling, no changing my mind, no exceptions. 2. POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT! While I do not spare the rod if I deem it necessary, ( and I try for alternative punishments first and spanking as a last resort) I also do my best to focus on and reward good behavior. 3. USE YOUR ATTENTION TO YOUR BEST ADVANTAGE. Most "bad" behavior is a direct result of the child seeking your attention! If he learns to get that attention thru the wrong behavior, then he will continue that behavior. If he learns to get it thru desirable behavior, he will continue THAT behavior. ( this is my sister's biggest problem, but don't tell her I said that:) basically what this means is that your son will do whatever he must to get your attention. It is up to you what he learns is acceptable. 4. FOCUS ON BEHAVIOR. Let him know that the behavior is bad. NEVER say that he is a "bad boy" Kids will give us what we expect of them, even when we don't know that we expect it. and 5.NEVER LET HIM FORGET THAT YOU LOVE HIM!! Try to remember to hug him and kiss him and tell him you love him. He is the most important thing you will ever do in life. Do you want him to grow up being the kind of guy that hits women? Let him know that this is wrong and if he continues MAKE him stop! Oh and be patient. After all you have 11 more years to straighten him out. And don't be afraid to seek out parenting classes! I take them thru the school and these classes have done a lot for me.
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