As the saying goes, "nice guys finish last" Recently, I got brushed away because I was being too nice. I don't understand it. Girls always ask for a nice guy, but once a nice guy comes along, girls just brush him away. I guess the best way to solve this problem is to be more assertive and yet be a nice guy.

What are your comments?

I don't always ask for a nice guy. Just be yourself is what's best ..

OMG.... Stop guys. There is no such thing as a self proclaimed nice guy. Nice doesn't mean nice. Nice is too generic to mean anything.

Whining that you are too nice to find a girl is one of the least attractive things a man can do.

Lilith...

As usual....BRAVO!!!!

I have said it before and I will say it again. I absolutely want a nice guy.
I want a guy who takes the time to get to know me enough to actually ask me to go on a date I at least have a vague interest in. A guy who reads my profile, chats a little on the phone, and actual picks up on a mutual interest so it doesn't come off feeling like being on the auction block, a job interview, a desserted island with a stranger, or I am an unpaid babysitter for a bored overgrown teenager. If we go out and it isn't magical it doesn't mean I don't have a friend who might think you are the best thing since peanut-butter if I actually go out and have a nice time. Fact of the matter if someone likes you it isn't terminal and a good reviews never hurt. Women do have preferences and not every woman is looking for the same Doctor McDreamy.
TO be qualified as nice I want him to be courteous enough not to wait until the last minute but to make and invitation that is not going to turn my schedule upside down just to say yes. Believe it or not I have a life. I didn't survive to maturity being blown around like some flake in the wind that melts the first time I hear a voice that is deeper than my own. If by chance the exact time you pick isn't going to work, you can bet if I am interested I will thank you for asking and probably offer a better time. One thing I will say is if you are waiting for me to ask you you will probably be old and grey before it happens and probably not then. At least for the first date. If you are too vague to pick up on the hint or so insecure you have to reverse the roles you are by natural selection going to be knocked out of the running by those who aren't. Yea you ask me out a time or two you can just about count on me reciprocateing the compliment (which pretty much is what a date is; a compliment that says I like you enough to make and effort to be with you long enough to know you better) or you can figure out I am not "in to you" and we might be friends but not a lot more. Personally I tend to give a guy at least two chances to make a first impression. I happen to be pretty decisive person about who I like and don't like but common sense tells you that the majority, includeing the best, of folks are not always on their "A" Game. Stuff does happen and if you want to date it isn't a bad idea to set aside some time to develope your dateing skills. Reading something besides the sports page and learning to dance a little won't kill you. Know where a few places to go are. Make a stag visit and know where to park, find a "powder room", what it is going to cost. If you have kids work out the babysitter stuff ahead of time. Word to the wise if Mom is your ownly answer it won't look good for your chances. I want to be recruited to be a mate not a nanny. That said I personally see men as very human with the same nervousness and feelings that women have about dateing. You can tell a goofy joke or flub the two step and I am going to laugh with you not at you. We all have a "weakness" that makes us feel at a disadvantage wheather it is weight, looks, education, talents, family, finances, ect.ect. but whatever your quilt of traits is it covers someone's needs and a lot of times their wants.
TO date me is not rocket science and I think that is true of many women. Sure there are the exceptions that make it a drama but for most of us it is pretty simple. You do have to organize yourself enough to say "would you like to go to "X" location on "Y" day for "Z" so I know what I am saying yes too. When I know you better sure; a spontanious idea can be great; but lets work on establishing a foundation of positive experience and trust first. Pick a public place, be own time, and follow up with a polite call if you ask for a phone number.
Don't get worked up if a woman is a little distant. There are a lot of flakes on line that make women very leery. Take it as common sense that they aren't getting too eager to get in a car with you or give you their home number. Yea women cheat and it really stinks but the gals that are all hot to get your phone number and see your car are just looking for your address to try to sell you something, or someone, or steal from you. With your phone number and your license plate con-artists can know more about you in 30 minutes than your Mother does. Some of these women have sophisticated sysems and can keep half a dozen or more guys calling and sending money for years. Usually with the help of pimps.
One thing I think is universal to most "normal" women is they do want to have a sense of trust that it is just a date and is not going to be a drama. Romance is nice and small gestures are going to make you memeorable if they don't come off as too desperate or too straight out of "Hustler". The date doesn't have to be expensive and in fact I prefer it isn't. I want to be equals not obligated. Or even worse resented later if I don't "feel it". I would like to think that you are not thinking I am not so stupid that you can buy my affections or I am willing to settle for some financial immature headonist that I will probably end up supporting when he is bankrupted. Don't be and absolute cheapskate; you don't tip the waitress I just figure you won't understand other significant ways men should show appreciation to the women who serve them well. Focus on impressing me and not making points with anyone else. Pay attention and learn how I like my coffee, notice if my car needs air in the tires, send a card. Turn off the beeper and never EVER be a kiss and tell. I guarantee you if your friends want the details it is to try to beat your time when you are not looking. It is really insulting when you know someone has "bragged". The old saying what goes around comes around? You run your mouth and I guarantee you you will be come widely known "between the girls" and your social life will die a slow agonizeing death.
Most gals want a guy who talks nice. Not just one who sidelines the vulgar language, crude T-shirts, or obnoxious habits for the first three days of a relationship. They expect a little respect and you can use masculine terms without talking with a juvinle potty mouth. If your vocablualr is so limited that the only way you can exprest yoursef is F bombs I am going to get bored really fast. No my ears won't fall if I hear a swear word and I know a few myself but if you want me to act like a lady then be a gentleman. It is rarer than you know. Please you are not my Daddy so forget the baby talk and most women with half a brain will also. And how about waiting until you know me well enough to know if I really am your Honey before you start useing pet names. If it rolls off your lips too quick I just figure I am the replacement version and not the real deal with you.
Your nice has to last longer than a fish wrapped in pretty paper. If you whine, complain, and call your Mom, your sister, or the Ex a biotch I am smart enough to know I will be next. If you have "women issues" get them worked out before you get to me. I am sorry if someone treated you bad but it wasn't me and I am not paying the price for someone elses sins.
Yea I really would like a guy who has a job or at least enough of his own income that he can sustain himself. Going to school or in training all the better. Smart is sexy. Nerds are cute enough to get their own show so don't put yourself down. You put your date in a terrible position to either agree or waste her energy trying to persuade you otherwise. If you are smart of have some accomplishments You don't have to have a superior attitude about it. I work from the premis that if you know something I don't it is nice to share if you think it contributes but I don't want my dates to be school. Just don't treat me like one of your underlings at work because I can fire you from my date book in a New York minute. I have enough dependents that I don't want to be your Mom but I just might have a few useful ideas so relax a little and just share a little friendly conversation. There are tons of things to share in dateing from cooking, to fixing whatever, to learning a new hobby, or travel destination. Just because a woman talks about something you don't have to buy it. I am looking for a friend and a partner that fits not like a girdle or OJ's glove but like your favorite shirt. Comfortable, affectionate, and easy to live with. If you have a rotten day don't dump on me. If you need to think something through say so and suggest when you might want to talk about it. Then I am not guessing what you are copeing with. Personally I am just fine with going out with someone and look forward to the next date if a guy asks without all that texting and calling. I have been on my own and can go about my own business with out suffocateing or being suffocated. Maybe I am naive but if you say you are going to call in a week I expect you to call in a week. You can't keep a phone date I am not going to bother with a real date. If you don't have money in the bank you better have some marketable skills or credit because I have made the sacrifices to have that and I don't want to back up and carry you. I don't pay other peoples bills and I don't expect them to pay mine. I know younger women are catching on the idea of equal education not buying into MRS. degrees but you guys have to be equally smart. If a gal is hinting around about you paying her way or her kids; RUN! You have been demoted from nice guy to patsy. If you were dumb enough to let your Ex, your friends, or your family plow you into debt accept responsibility for it. There is an old saying "fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me". Live and learn. Get credit counseling but accept you are going to pay for your mistaks and there are no freebies. Are you caught in an economic downturn? No big deal but show a little class and pride and don't make pleading poverty a vocation. It is old and tired fast. If you can't afford a tux I don't care but I at least expect you to show up in something more than an undershirt and sour baseball cap. I am not prissy and I sweat when I work and or play but I make an effort to be feminine so give masculine versus a slub a shot. If you are still wearing your high school stubble just to prove you can grow them break out a razor and not my face. I happen to come from a background where facial hair has significant cultural meaning but I am not about to ignore you breakfast if it is stuck in your mustache. Guys think being bald is somehow compensated for by whiskers and the only other thing that hurts your dateability more is smoking. My thing is you can be worn but there is no excuse for dirty or raggedy or a nasty vehical that you have to shovel out a place to sit. And for God Sakes gas the car before you get to me. Yea I know gas reciepts are starting to look like the national debt but have you priced a lipstick or a pair of pantyhose? Some things are just the price of doing dateing. It doesn't entitle you to a booty call either. I hate sleeping alone but I am not a free Howard Johnson's so don't pretend to be too tired to drive home. And you guys that have to sleep with your critters...I hope you are happy because I don't wrestle aligatoros and I don't sleep in a barn. I don't chop wood either. lol Well maybe on a camp out. Before I get all kinds of haters I like pets just not in the middle of my romantic life. So if you want future wild life of the two legged variety in your bedroom you might want to train the "extened family" that your privacy matters and upgrade from a sleeping bag and one pillow.
Oh and yea I know just because you are nice doesn't mean you are gay so lay off the getting laid thing awhile. If you are so hard up you have to get in my pants the first few dates I figure one of two things either you are such a lousey lay you can't get a second chance so you have to keep moving on. OR you have so many notches on your gun being with you is diceier than Russian Roulette and my next OBGYN bill is going to cost more than my car insurance. I am sure there are a few guys out there that haven't slept with every Sally, Jane, and Connie but if you don't know about how women's bodies really work get a better reference than your local porn shop.
Yes I hope your are attracted enough to want a kiss but keep the tonsil exams for a little further down the rode. A word about PDA's. I hope you don't care who sees you with me; I have no desire to be the gal who proves to your ex-wife you still got it and I don't need some jerk wanting a little action another time when you aren't around just because
you are feeling froggy so keep your hands out of the swim suit zone until we are in private and I give you the nod. After all do you really just want someone to give in because you intimidate them or because they really want you? If you are so hard up that you need relief buy a hooker or Roliads.
A word about the gals who like the "bad boys". Or keep going back to the abusers. They get a lot of attention because it makes a good story. If you are sap enough to buy into that baloney they are going to pick you like a Thanksgiving turkey. In all my years of working in crisis centers I can tell you that there are some chronic drama queens that get a lot of attention but most women worth there salt that find themselves in that situation once learn from it and don't really like to moan about it. They may work two or more low pay jobs and be grateful for you bringing over a few extras but they don't beg. They probably aren't going to look like the hot little number they once did but given a little praise and respect they are usually very loyal and get past the self protective attitude that may dismiss you a "Too Nice". Once you have had "To good to be true and wasn't" you are not real generous with whiners and privileged middle class especially ones who think they are a prize because they were lucky enough to be born male and privileged and don't get that some times women with children only get lip service from the system for help. If you are tired of bad boys seemingly always ending up with the women then vote for programs that lock up non-supporting fathers and abusers and don't live down to their standards of indecentcy. You see a man taking advantage of women report them. The number one reason women "go back" is because of secondary victimization in the work place and houseing. The whole "Friend's With Benifit's" should be a shameful concept to men because it has nothing to do with being a friend to anyone. Someone is getting used and that is wrong.
Well so much for my thoughts on the topic. It is jsut one view with a dose of collective wisdom from years of listening and working in womens groups. Hopefully it makes some of the real nice guys realize it isn't a bad thing to be. You luck out and find someone who appreciates you it is a really sweet life. Good luck.

too bad ya gotta be an ahole most of the time to get through or not to people

I think most women are wary of "nice guys".

Bingo! Because the " nice guys" are hiding or pretty much extinct

Nice guys DONT always finish last, IF you are to nice of a guy a girl thinks of you more as a brotherly type. you have to be nice.. but also agressive and show that you are a Man that is interested instead of a nice guy who seems more like a brother.. but you cant be to agressive cause then you will seem like a jerk. you have to be somewhere in the middle

Pretty good first post. :-)

But where is that fine line between jerk and too nice??