Well I'm depressed right now, crying in fact because I'm so farking
alone. I have no friends, the ones from work are turning out to be
bullies, nobody to talk to anymore, its just me in my little hole in the
wall apartment. I need help, but I can't even get a damn day off from
work to even get that. I just want to give up right now. Everyone is
farking in love and has someone to love EXCEPT me! Nobody could care
less if I lived or died, they would just be like "oh well, another one
bites the dust I suppose, I think I'll go out drinking" I don't even
know how to end this, its like i'm rambling, but ohwell, nobody will
even pay attention to it anyway.

Damn-You do so have friends. Right here.

Life gets in the way. I know how you are feeling.

Email me if you need to talk.

Allen, you are among friends and you are loved.

Hey...You will come out of this just relax and re-group a little bit.
You need to get out and find some friends. The old ones were not true
friends if that is happening. Wipe that old slate clean and you will
have better luck this time.

we're your friends. we are never alone, sometimes we just aren't
reaching out enough.

allen ,your a sweetie hang in there,you got lots of friends me for
one

Been having a time dealing with agraphobia and claustaphobia. Agraphobia
is the fear of wide open spaces and claustaphobia is the fear of closed
spaces. I am not sure what the space between agraphobia and
claustaphobia is but maybe someone has a name for it. I think that is
where I am suppose to be.

Let' see, where to begin. With me it is getting worse. I have suffered
from depression from before my divorce. Juststarted feeling like there
was nothing that culd be done to help her with her problems, watching
her get worse, my losing job after job cause I am trying to help her to
the best of my ability.

Finally it got to a point that I had to file for divorce for the safety
of the children and for my own mental health as she was not even
interested in getting the help she needed so desperately.This jump
started my depression into a deeper level that I managed to lie to
myself about and convince myself that it wasnt as bead as it really was.
I went to a counselor for assistance with getting through the anxiety
and mild depression from going through the divorce and losing my wife.
After a while I convinced myself it was all better, but it wasnt.

Sicne the divorce (I got full custody of our children and she has only
supervised visitation due to her mental health) I have only runinto more
and more problems, most of them due to being either a single white male
with custody, or with child care. The discrimination I can deal with no
problem even thouhg it pisses me off at the time. What really bothers
me is the fact that I have very little support anywhere.

Starting with my family, my brother watches my kids while I go to work,
but let me ask to have them watched outside of that and it is a very
touchy subject. Sometimes no problem others there ends up being a
fight. One time my sister (who lives with my brother) actually tried
chastising me for finding a sitter for the boys so my ex and I could go
to dinner and talk things out about a couple issues at the time. And it
wasnt because I did not ask my brother or sister, it is because I left
my kids with a sitter in order to go out to dinner (for the first time
in several months I might add without the kids).

My parents can not wtch the children due to health reasons. They
started out being able to jump in if neccesary, but can not even do that
now.

Now, I have found a real good job that I enjoy. I really do enjoy the
work and look forward to hopefully staying on (it is a temp position).
however, as much as I love the work and enjoy myself while I am at work,
as soon as I get home the depression starts in again. I can not stop
feeling lonely and sad. I can not go out anywhere without taking my
children with (dont get me wrong I enjojy spending time with them but I
do not get ANY time without them except at work). I can not even go
fishing for an hour or two anymore unless I have them with. Now, that
is part of parenting yes, but I NEED some time to myself once in a
while too you know what I mean?

try talking to your town recreation department, or the school
administration. if you can find some kind of supervised activity for
your children through one of those avenues, that could give you some
regular "me" time. you might also see if there is some kind of single
parents' group nearby, a place where there are people going through the
same thing you are. they will be understanding, and probably willing to
help out, as long as you yourself are also willing. "it takes an entire
village to raise a child." that means even more than just you and your
family.

as far as your emotional issues, i would really encourage you to go back
to counseling. maybe that could be part of your "me" time.


if all else fails, drop the kids off in philly; i love kids!

lmao careful what you offer there my friend someone might well take
youup on it!

And I agree withtheline about taking a whole village to raise a child.
It's just that where I am at no on seems to want to be part of that
village unless there is something in it (usually cash) for them. And
dont get me wrong,I would love to trade babysitting serivces (as an
example) with toher singel parents. But no one seems to be willing to
do soemthing unless cash is involved. Same witht he schools here. I
mean Christ, my alma mater wants around 150 for one week of swimming
classes PER CHILD!!! And if there isnt enough signed up (I think the
magic number is 15) then it gets canceled. now is that ridiculous or
what?

if you've read any of my other posts in this forum, you'll know i tell
everyone to try a church. it's worth a shot. the worst that will happen
is you'll be in the same position you are now.

your other option of course is to sell your body...

There is I think, a time to rationally call it quits I think. Not necassarily in a depressed state. Sometimes, like someone beaten constantly a steady malaise sometimes takes the place of agony. In that state it becomes logical to stop resisting and find the peace of final escape.

Two early comments spoke of being stereotyped because of appearance, financial situation, etc, and how debilitating it is when you are abandoned/shunned by all.

'Hang in there', 'give it time', 'they don't deserve you', 'things will get better', 'man up(my god how insensitive some can be!)', and the like simply don't help any more when you've been hanging on desperately, gave it time and time again, things get better for smaller periods and much worse in greater quantity and for longer stretches. When if being a man means not letting things bother me - I must not be man enough, adding again to the I'm not worthy list.

I have made two previous attempts to stop the madness and failed (couldn't even get that right!) Both times were reactions to depression caused by angst about a specific person.

I think I will succeed the next time because I will not be upset or under the influence of a distraught state of mind but calmly, rationally and with conviction of it as the best option, I will go calmly into the night.

I almost forgot where I was going with this and why I was responding. Just, I think to say that every problem can't be fixed. That like some of our kin creatures it may be part of the natural order to allow the duty bound feeble (no offense to anyone) to march off to their end.

Seul - do you want to talk. E-mail me, I am still on and would like to talk to you. Please e-mail me so we can talk. I don't want you hurting yourself. You sound like your mind is made up, I would like to try to help you. I fight with depression myself. Please contact me now. I will stay up for a bit to hear from you. Please.

That is not the Truth You have been given your life so that you can help others and because the Lord loves you so much He gave his Son for you... I pray that The Lord Touches your heart with His Love & Peace as you read this.. email me.. I can tell you about crap that has happened to me in my life.. I should be dead by now...

No one can understand how you feel unless you tell them and give them a chance... What do you say?

That is not the Truth You have been given your life so that you can help others and because the Lord loves you so much He gave his Son for you... I pray that The Lord Touches your heart with His Love & Peace as you read this.. email me.. I can tell you about crap that has happened to me in my life.. I should be dead by now...

No one can understand how you feel unless you tell them and give them a chance... What do you say?

That is not the Truth You have been given your life so that you can help others and because the Lord loves you so much He gave his Son for you... I pray that The Lord Touches your heart with His Love & Peace as you read this.. email me.. I can tell you about crap that has happened to me in my life.. I should be dead by now...

No one can understand how you feel unless you tell them and give them a chance... What do you say?

That is not the Truth You have been given your life so that you can help others and because the Lord loves you so much He gave his Son for you... I pray that The Lord Touches your heart with His Love & Peace as you read this.. email me.. I can tell you about crap that has happened to me in my life.. I should be dead by now...

No one can understand how you feel unless you tell them and give them a chance... What do you say?

I think we all feel depression at different times for different reasons. My experience is to learn to never settle for what is happening. There is always something you can do, Edison is said to have FAILED over 2000 times tring to make a light bulb. Think he got depressed? Key for me, constantly reading selfhelp books, keep one with me at all times. Setting haveing coffee alone, I read. Want a list of good books to read, mail me, financial advice, character advice, spiritual advice; it's all there. Keep your self busy, less time for depression;not to mention all I have learned.

Try it, you won't know if it works, till you TRY.
Might make abetter lightbulb

What is really helping more me than anything is working at the nursing home. There is always someone who can't sleep and a continuous flow of coffee. Last night I just about ran my legs off chasing call lights; running to find out which alarm was going off and it was pure pandemonium. Between my male aide, charge nurse and me, we were meeting each other coming and going but the night went by so fast. The next thing I knew it was time to punch the time clock. It can really wonderful sometimes because I don't have time to feel sorry for myself; be lonely and I am around people who are so much worse off than I am. Sometimes I feel so much more happier at work. I am probably becoming a workaholic, again.

Dal, thanks, I understand what you're saying but (not to get into a religious debate)

1- There has to be more. He made Adam and said it wasn't good for him to remain alone. I have (had) a relationship with God but (pray I don't get struck down!) we need more. Logically if we believe Him to be truly omnipotent, and fully capable of seeing His plans through then. . .

2- Perhaps (please no one take this to heart for themselves)His plan for me is to be this way. Even master chess players sacrifice pieces for the greater victory.
Going to leave that one there - it's a hard pill to swallow at first, and some that can still be helped may find it to be too much to work with. But I've been down many roads, thought many thoughts, and the logic of that one is clear.