thankyou.

i havnt heard of the meds your on, im on sleeping pills and benzos and i still have trouble getting to sleep, and it is frustrating. do you think the dose is to high for you?? goodluck

While in treatment the nurse was pumping us alkies and druggies up with vitamins so we could get a natural skin color back. Some of us hadn't ate right in a long time. I can remember eating lots of peanut butter and drinking lots of natural juices because it would stay down on my stomach. Getting weaned off being institutionalized took a long time. I had to learn how to make new friends away from the institution just like I did when I lived being a hitch hiker. It wasn't until later that I became aware that I was addicted to hitch hiking. I began to notice when after being picked up that I become accustomed with being with strangers but they didn't seem like strangers after a while. The cold shock was when they said isn't this where you wanted to go? I really think I perfected clingyness. It is like a love-hate thing now with my job. I love having time off but then I wonder what I should do when I don't have to be at work. It is the lure of the workaholism for me. It is getting better though because I don't feel guilty for being away from work. I can remember being married to my job on several occasions. After a while it wasn't just the money any more. It is kind of funny in a way. I even thought of telling some female workers that hey they could come live with me.

wow, roy.....


well i was finally able to get sleep last night, but i couldn't fall asleep until 3am but my head hit the pillow i was out for the count until my dad woke me up around 10

this is why i dont want to go back in roy, i have got to deal with my problems in the real world. And when they take me off the lorazepam and diazapam im going to be even worse, there just helping my tempororalily, so im dreading coming off them, ill probably end up back in there.

this is why i dont want to go back in roy, i have got to deal with my problems in the real world. And when they take me off the lorazepam and diazapam im going to be even worse, there just helping my tempororalily, so im dreading coming off them, ill probably end up back in there.


My mom was a big help to me. She told me that my one sister and me had the same problem. I had to laugh because I helped raise that sister. I guess insanity can be taught. I remember mom telling me, "You poor thing; What are you going to do now?" Mom had went through the same grief process as I did in her own way and she was trying to get me used to the idea of being independent. I had went from being codependent in the first marriages to being interdependent in the last marriage. Being independent is a new thing for me. It is like learning how to live without training wheels. Mom has given me a lot of good advice and sometimes I stay alone intentionally just to see how long I can do it. It is an ongoing process in learning how to do it.

My mom was a big help to me. She told me that my one sister and me had the same problem. I had to laugh because I helped raise that sister. I guess insanity can be taught. I remember mom telling me, "You poor thing; What are you going to do now?" Mom had went through the same grief process as I did in her own way and she was trying to get me used to the idea of being independent. I had went from being codependent in the first marriages to being interdependent in the last marriage. Being independent is a new thing for me. It is like learning how to live without training wheels. Mom has given me a lot of good advice and sometimes I stay alone intentionally just to see how long I can do it. It is an ongoing process in learning how to do it.


yes your right, thanks roy.

Amber, I usually get my days and nights mixed up when I get days or nights off. 3rd shift can really screw up your since of time when you are in the real world. Seems like most of the real world operates in the day time.

it gets like with second shift too....before i got to where i can't be around people i worked second shift and i kept gettin my days confused.

hi amber

ive also realised im missing some of the patients, especially this one lady, she was never loved as a child and she never had children. she always carried a doll around with her,i gave her one of my ballerina teddys and she gave me something to remember each other by, and she carried the ballerina everywhere in place of her doll. ive met some of the sweetest people in hospital, i think of her everyday. bless her. i know if i go back in she will be there, she is a long term patient with severe scitzophrenia, she was a angel to me as i was to her.

I can understand that Debbie, being as how i've been in the hospital at least 13 times since the age of 9.....you get attached to the other patients because they become almost like your family while you are in there.

Just stepped on the scales a while ago, i've lost 15 pounds. Saw my psychiatrist today, all is well.

Wow, 15 pounds. Way to go, Amber.

woot woot!

Found out that they changed my scheduled days off from Sundays and Mondays to Mondays and Tuesdays. They had a paper by the time clock for different times on 2nd and 3rd shift. I called the front office to let them know that since I signed up to work Sundays to take my nme off the list because I will already be there. I told them that I was good but not that good that I could be there twice.

(((roy)))

(((amber))) way to go girl! Keep up the good work. Hope you are feeling well too.

(eye twitchin) doing okay, just wish stepmom would get the hell off my back for a friggin change.

cool amber at the weight loss...you need a fairy godmother for the rest of the mess.

(((jax))) Wish it was like "I'll have one farie Godmother with that please."

Day 1. Only touched two cigs. I know I know but considering I smoked 20 a day, two seems like nothing.

WAY TO GO KAREN, i'm so proud of you!!!!!!


guess what y'all, i was doing some people searching on myspace today, and i have found two of dearest friends from high school from sixth grade on until i lost contact in college we were tight as hell.....even though i had moved away in the middle of the tenth grade and only saw one of them again my senior during a trip to the family cemetery......it would so great if we started talking again, if it hadn't for those two i don't know how in the world i have made it with the situation i had at home....actually i wouldn't have, six months after leaving them i ran away from mom's to live with dad

We had our inservice on abuse and neglect, today. Even though we felt abused because we had to go to the inservice before we could have our paychecks we didn't neglect to get our paychecks after the inservice was over.