There's a lot to do with self-confidence in this case. Body language like shuffling and holding the head down along with failing to meet eye-contact is a real no-no. What it sounds like in your case is your approach may be all wrong.

Everyone isn't a Don Juan but you have to be a bit more energetic and maybe less nervous. I don't know you well enough to tell you what you're doing wrong. Women are people too so approaching them isn't impossible, just something that takes practice. Believe it or not they feel the same too.

Open-minded is the ability not to tell someone they are wrong on impulse and actually believe that even though they are not of the same opinion as you that theirs has merit. The short version.

There is no quick fix to what you're dealing with. The best thing to do is confront him about it without the harpy around. You and him without his wife or his "buddy"

If you can't make clear what this girl is doing to his relationship with you and his wife as well as his own checking account then he is on the road to ruin. You have to take a few separate occasions to tell him these things as sometimes things don't take the first 40 times we say them.

Now on time #41 (I'll assume your patience ran out long before but that's the hypothetical number) you're going to have to draw the line and tell your very good friend where the rubber meets the road. Make it clear what you will and will not tolerate. If you doubt him at his word given his behavior when you ask him to get the leech out of there and he promises to do exactly that then demand immediate results. If not then you don't have a choice because a good friend is not going to abuse your hospitality or trust. You'll have to kick them both to the curb and be firm about it or you can cause more soap opera drama than you want to deal with.

That's my take and I hope it helps.

This is a dating site so above all, even though we all want a nice community nothing sends a "I don't really care for you" message like dead silence.

The reason behind this is so that intentions remain clear and there is no mincing words that it is cold and mean but it gets a point across.

I won't ask why they are ignoring me because it will be apparent that they for whatever reason do not have a reason to talk to me worth taking the time out of their day to reply. I won't waste any more of my time or their time or take offense when there isn't a real reason for it since they haven't actually wronged me; they just haven't been polite or done me right.

Ignoring I can take. Being called a name for sending a message is where I draw the line.

Are you in a relationship before you actually meet face-to-face?

The answer is subjective. If you FEEL you are then you are. And by a fashion we are all in a relationship with each other on this forum. It's much looser and not quite the exact same as the context but still it is a relationship even if just an acquaintance.

I tried the Long-distance Relationship thing and I came up with a couple of things. It doesn't matter if you're as nice and perfect as it gets because the person you're after probably isn't. The only way for it to work BEFORE you've actually met is for you both to be so totally into each other it is bordering on unhealthy.

The hard reality is people who can actually hold you are probably in the same zip code somewhere and out of the two of you one or both of you have exes or people you consider prospects in that area. If you're in a long distance relationship the odds of infidelity just...get so much higher since you can't offer anything to counter it without being there. Simple and tangible facts outweigh the noble power of midnight confessions too much of the time to be something to bank on to hold someone's heart for you like a claim check.

You can be in a relationship before meeting but the odds are it won't be the same after you meet. Even if you are everything you say you are the odds are the other person isn't. Or it can be the other way around and they can be everything they said they would be and you crack under the pressure of this impression you created and really drop the ball. It's an unfair amount of stress on both sides. Not to mention the whole "I met them on the internet so they can be some kind of crazed axe murdering stalker so I can't get past the shyness and awkward moments or explain it to my parents and anyone I know without looking crazy for saying I let a perfect stranger in the house to "talk" to me for the first time" That whole little thing...too hard to work past to make things work unless you can reasonably assure yourself of truth and even then outside of all of that...

Nothing is guaranteed. Words are just that until your eyes meet with nothing but air between them.

Bottom line. You can but it's probably not smart so I will suggest you shouldn't for your own as well as their physical and emotional safety.

Be true to yourself. You have nothing to gain by living a lie and whoever you end up with will find out what you are in the end so they may as well like the real you and not something you're portraying.

Umm...giving your question some thought...

How far do you think you'll get with these men if they have a sense of humor so inane that you're afraid you'll get your food spit in? It sounds like a classic case of repulsive and that should be taken care of accordingly.

If you're direct as a habit be direct and walk out. If you aren't...just mark that one off as a dead loss. Since it isn't excusable it isn't something you have to worry about after you separate yourself from wherever he is.

There are plenty of other men I assure you and any man who will mistreat the waitress certainly isn't going to get any better the longer you get to know him. "Familiarity breeds contempt." Keep that in mind and break the connection.

As for the waitress...the fastest way to keep your food safe is to call your date out on his stupid behavior in front of her, get her to empathize with you so she spits in HIS food and not yours. A nice waitress will make up something and take your food back if she spit in it if you make a good case and she feels guilty.

It depends on the angle I have when I first lay eyes on them.

From the side I'm going to see the figure first, breasts, waist then hips since I look from top to bottom not bottom to top.

From the back...I'ma see their behind but try not to make a snap judgment based on that.

From the front...if I'm standing up and facing them it's probably their nose, then glasses and eyes and if she smiles while I'm checking her out the smile will be what I remember because from a distance I am not good at making out eye color for whatever reason. I mark faces in my memory by the cheekbones, nose and the smile, not the eyes.

My logic
My bull-headed stubborness
My undying loyalty to the ones I love.

If those things were forgotten I really would be dead.

All of my female friends in the past have had a few extra pounds. Some more than others but still. I like the thought of a stable partner and weighing in at just 165lbs doesn't make it dreadfullly hard to be heavier than me these days so I deal with it with a smile because it makes it much easier to cuddle, which I am stuck on anyway.(imagine that)

I am not going to say something about skinny women but I can safely say that skinny is outside of my preference. That's fair and that to give the women who don't care for a size zero the boost they so very much deserve.

Ah, the reason the internet invented the blacklist/block/permanently offline functions.

The long of it is some people lack the upper brain function to talk to people different than them without being derogatory. It is also a well-known fact the internet is apparently filled with makebelieve people who exist only for a cheap thrill for that particular second so they were born and came to the same little corner of the web you're in just so you could say something childish. Lastly, that same person is in the top 5 attractive people of all time without a single physical or mental flaw. All of these things are obvious.

Only one of those sentences is true and it's the first one. The rest of that flawed thinking is why a lot of the more patronized websites need to be taken down or better moderated.

My best friend has 190 pounds on me and I don't happen to judge anyone based on skin deep things because some of the best people I have known and still know are not perfect. Neither am I for that matter (no one is) so if they can cope with me I can cope with them and if there is someone out there who can't cope with you the odds are there is a button for you to use that'll help you cope in a little while.

Report for violation/block user or whatever have you. That's the idea because some people just do not care and before anyone suggests trying to reason with them it just has too low of a success rate to justify doing it too often. Believe me I've tried.

Tolerance, tolerance, tolerance, BLOCK, tolerance...that's my take on it.

Edgy is a middle-ground. You aren't needlessly reckless but you're dangerous and that's even when you aren't pushed on occasion. Hmm...it's all subjective.

I tend to think I'm edgy because I don't take any kind of mess and will stand up for myself to a point where hurting someone else does not bother me. So I'm aggressive and don't mind being dominant in a group of males but I don't have to take all of the extra effort of showing off and flaring out my feathers that most men take when they flash weaponry or make an object out of someone smaller and weaker than they are. I won't accept that kind of thing and will meet any challenge but I don't make a bunch of needless hot air to fuel machismo fires.

Bad boys take a lot of time doing things that have publicly known consequences and are often quite obviously wrong on some level which is usually against the law. Nice guys are stereotyped as spindly weaklings with no aptitude when it comes down to taking care of himself or anyone else physically and sheepish as well a goody-two shoes.

For the most part most people are a mix, which makes "Edgy" a common ground for most men. A lot of guys can flex between "bad" and "nice" depending on the occasion because no one is born set in stone. The real question is...who are you trying to impress? If it's a preschool teacher and you think you're "bad" you'll probably leave the leather chaps at home to make a better impression if you go to that person's place of work. If you work a white collar job and go to visit your other at a truck stop or motorcycle bar you'll probably ditch your "nice" suit for something a bit more rugged that'll fit in only to avoid questions whether you think you can fit the "bad" role or not unless you have a real reason not to.

"Edgy" is more flexible and less predictable. The only things that the extreme "bad boy" or "nice guy" have that "Edgy" doesn't is the fact that they resist change and remain consistent so if the person in question is the type who wants to tame someone or bring out the beast in someone that's when those two extremes really shine. "Edgy" is easier to deal with on those levels while more complex on others.

In the end it's what the person in question is looking for that decides the appeal and "Edgy" can fit what you want depending on the guy much easier than finding someone who could be spineless or intolerably arrogant on your search for the perfect balance.