I agree with ciretom.

First red flag warning here: the idea that the OP thinks things go bad because he's "nice."

Its' the classic "nice guy" rant. The reason why "nice" is in quotes, is because there's never been a "nice" person who was actually NICE. They are always people who worked out a list of "how to be nice," usually with an associated list of what they are "supposed to get in return for being nice" along side it.

Next red flag warning, that this is a repeating scenario. When someone does the same thing again, even though it failed, it means they are refusing to face reality.

Final red flag, the "I gave EVERYTHING" claim.

No. Actually, most people who think they "gave everything," usually never really gave anything at all. That is, they tried to give, but it wasn't what the other person wanted. When someone doesn't want what you are offering, then you haven't "given" them anything, you've just shoved things in their direction, and then patted yourself on the back for how wonderful YOU think you are.

I've been through an emotional grinder, as many have. And looking back, I know that from very early on, it was obvious to almost anyone except me, that I was blinding myself to the fact that she just didn't want what I was offering.

The thing to do, is to find the people who DO want who and what you are, and stop pushing yourself at people who don't.

I don't know why each time i put in everything into a relationship it backfires in the end. Maybe it's my natural niceness that puts me in this position. How can i stop this from ever happening again? Cos it's killing me.

That's Hot!...I'm guessing you've melted a lot of snow up there.

Well I've had no luck dating online and real life I think I've only had 5, only one of which was the same person for a second date, so now I just look for people that don't tell me to get lost.

I can understand what you are saying... I was married for a very long time and lost my husband 6 years ago... 2 years ago I joined my first dating site... It really helped me get my flirt back on.. I'm a very outgoing person so it was easy for me to get it back... However the men I tend to be attracted to are out there looking for younger women so it has been a work in progress... I have come to the conclusion that I may have to start going younger... lol... I guess it is lucky for me that I don't look my age... lol
I think it may end up that I just have to make myself get out and start meeting men in person. I think either way Online or in person you have the same kind of chance and they both have the same kind of difficulties that you have to face... but it is nice to see all of the answers that have been given her...

No.
I tend to have a personal policy of trying to equalize the two. I must attempt to pick up one woman offline for every 1 woman I attempt to meet online.

The more you use dating sites the more you are just training yourself to use dating sites.

No different than driving a car for 40 years and then getting on a bicycle (or if you've never really met people offline, then getting on a motorcycle).

Whatever you choose to do that is what you are specializing in.

The more specialized you are in something, the more difficult it becomes to do something else.

How successful you are at changing depends a lot on motivation though.

Some people are not going to see any reason to try to meet someone offline, so aren't going to push themselves. Any attempt to try is just going to seem extremely difficult/half assed because they don't really want to do it, and no matter how "successful" they are, the way they want to do it is better.

Some people are going to fail at online dating and hate it and will try harder offline to prove to themselves offline is superior and will see some success, even though less than they had online, as "better."


I don't find meeting people online exciting.
I don't get excited until I'm actually on a date.

That's me, too. At least, it's tremendously difficult if I think about anything first.

Anyway, I think what you're asking, is if we think our social skills atrophy if we deal with people online more than offline for a long time.

I'd say definitely no. If anything, I suspect they are better in my case, since I get practice chatting here, and that's a necessary face to face skill as well.

Say what, lady? He didn't do it to you, too...did he? No names here....

Candi, was it because of the dirty old man?
... but you'd only encountered one... there are many more
just kidding

The forums here are the best, aren't they?
Sometimes I burst out laughing reading the comments.

Nice to have you here in the forums.

I meet a lot of guys my age here in Toronto. However, since I look younger than my age, I find them looking too old. I used to go out with a guy but sadly, it didn't work out. Then I heard he had died shortly after we broke up. I was shocked and told my son about it. My son said "Who? The old man?" He was two years older than me.

And the same on the internet, the ones I am attracted to, are not available, or not attracted to me. The ones available, I don't like.

One time at a party, I met someone interesting. He kept saying "my wife" but I knew he lived alone. I asked where his wife was.. he said she lived in Burlington. So I asked, "Why don't you live with your wife in Burlington?" He answered "I was not invited." LOL I excused myself and mingled.

I don't go out of my way searching for someone. I am here on Mingle2 because I like the forums. And even at this point in my life, I am hoping to fall in love again. I believe miracles do happen.

Ohhh. So much easier to meet people online.... offline it's a matter of.. time.
And being in the right place at the right time...
Offline.. you go to work.. no chance of a date there..lol.. stop for gas get groceries on your way home..
Everyone is focused on their grocery list... so that only gives me an opportunity to meet somebody between the time I leave my car and walk in my front door.. 55 seconds..
Yup..lol....
But online.. there's a whole wackadoodle.. amount of people just waiting patiently for you to engage them... easy peasy..

I've been on dating sites for many years. I get quite a few women viewing my profile but that's as far as it goes. Maybe it's the way I write my profile or the fact I've received the aged pension since 2009.

I have seriously thought of giving sites away and take my chances in real life. I'm not one that gets out much and I live in a small country town so that will make it harder for me.

Many older guys are now looking to Asian women as they find it hard finding women in their own country. I have thought of doing that as well. It's no fun being on your own most of the time.

That's my two bobs worth.. whether it helps much that's for you to decide.

Laurie
PS. All I seem to get now are scammers.