I have a hard time breaking things off with people.?... or maybe they just have a hard time letting go..hmm
It seems no matter how nicely I try to break up are how hard I try to let the other person Down Easy.. are reassure them ,let them know that it's not them !and I truly care for them.. but think, we would be better as friends
They always seem to get a little crazy..
And some a little more crazy than others...lol... I realize it's hard to let go of emotional attachment... but I've always found it a little bit odd how you can be in a relationship.. with someone.. and you're always saying that you care for each other you love each other.... but as soon as you break up... all this hatred comes out of them... like for some reason all of the lovely moments you shared before the break up with each other..
Did not count for anything....

Do you think it's a maturity thing..?.
Some people are more mature than others and Are able to cope with a breakup better...?

Or is it a case Of... you hurt me !now I need to lash out and hurt you because I am hurting inside.?

Are do
Some people just find it easier.
To shut you right out of there life completely.. following a breakup..

I guess that's why it's always better to collect your belongings before you break up with them..lol... hard to get your personal belongings back from somebody that now... hates you..lol

You never heard the saying about a woman scorned?

Why would......you say you love someone..break it off (gently) and not expect her to show some anger?

It's called giving and taking back

Should this topic have a disclaimer?

Ohh.. did I forget to mention this topic is not about me..lol..wink

mmmmmnope, I think it's much simpler, and much more complicated than either of your guesses.

Simpler: people who feel pain, tend to APPEAR to express anger as a reaction. it's not actual anger, though. If you take one part fear, and mix it with one part hope and then lash the two emotions together with string made from pain, then you get what LOOKS like anger.But really, it's just a sort of natural, visceral emotional reaction.

More complex: when people try to explain themselves in the middle of an explosion (i.e. extreme emotional turbulence), the likelihood that they are going to be sublimely accurate and sensitive to the long term wisdom of the entirely of life, is rather small.

Even more complex: what people say when things seem to be going well, is as often as not, what they think they are SUPPOSED to say, rather than being fundamentally and entirely truthful. Therefore if you note down all that they said back then, and compare it to what they vent later, and if you insist that one batch of blather must be more significant than the other, you'll convince yourself either that they were lying, or that there's no such thing as true love.

Really, I think it comes down to the fact that most of us aren't born wise or insightful, and we only become so, if we do at all, by making a bunch of mistakes. And what most of us experience in our lives, IS those mistakes, either ours, or someone else's.

Yes good point.. The Untold Truth generally comes out during a break up..

Then you better change the "I" ASAP at the beginning of your novel

now that you are well aware of "why" this happens....

Don't do it again!

ummm...took probably the last five years of my marriage
for me to finally accept it was time to leave..



now? I have a lot less tolerance

well, for me, its been 35 years since I ever had to 'break up' with someone.. but... once I'm done... I'm done..
Yea, ya can try and do it gently... "Its not you, Its' me" routine, but gently or harsh, the reality was.. I'm outta here.. Let the chips fall where they may, as they say..

For myself its a form of torture,whether its me letting go or getting my walking papers it just tears me up inside. The downside to love hurts me to the soul.

I am a complete coward this way unless the guy hurts me.

I make it his decision by doing something mean....(hides under table)

Breaking up is difficult sometimes.
Depends on who they are, the relationship, how I think they will take it, lots of things.


You are forcing immediate and unforeseen change on them.
You are taking away control and power over their life while forcing them to face a new reality of themselves alone without really allowing them a say as it's your decision.
That's a lot of stress and anxiety, highly agitated brain state.
Stress and anxiety to extreme levels needs a vent to get the brain back to functioning normal.
That's you. You're handy.
Unless you do it via ghosting, text, voicemail, or email.
Then their friends, family, or possibly themselves, get the brunt of it.
Or internet forums...
...Or they suppress it and take it out on their next date/partner or sublimate with ice cream or something.


Emotional attachment isn't something separate from your identity.
It's part of what makes up who you are.
It's not a matter of "letting go of emotional attachment."
You are forcing them to change part of their identity, their image.

Emotional attachments change who you are and how you see yourself. Your emotions are you, you've built emotional associations with the other person, what the other person does automatically triggers your emotions and feelings. Just like a nail pricks your skin and you feel pain, something pricks them and you feel pain.

You aren't just one absolute creature with an emotional umbilical that attaches to someone, pumping love and caring back and forth, which is then severed by a breakup leaving the absolute you whole and needing to solely heal that severed umbilical by "letting it go" before growing a new one for someone else.

You either have to heal and become who you saw yourself as before you attached to them, retrain old associations, see yourself as someone new after them, learn new associations, or find someone else to take their place as quickly as possible, maintain/transfer existing ones.
Lots of people go crazy or commit suicide after a breakup.
People bond to different depths and degrees over different amounts of time.

Breaking up with someone is a lot like a person calling their mother and saying "if you see yourself as my mom again, I'll kill you. That part is over. You are no longer my mom. You have to see yourself as something else. I don't care what it is, but it's not my mom. Don't ever contact me."
How do you think your mom would handle that? What do you think she'd go through emotionally to do it? It's not just "I'm not talking to you anymore" it's "you aren't you anymore."
The longer you're with someone the more it's going to feel just like that.


Somewhat. If by maturity you mean "experience that habituates or acclimates," and/or, "learning mental and emotional self preservation tricks."
The easier it is the more practice they've had at it, and/or the more likely they keep themselves at a distance in the relationship in the first place to protect themselves from when/if it happens.


That's part of every interaction to some degree.

When you break up with someone you've probably been contemplating things for a while, at least on some level.
You've gone through changes over time, you've taken time to start seeing yourself as completely separate from them.
You have a kernel of "why" you want to break up with them accreting into justification for your ultimate decision, you've had time to build it, even if it's somewhat subconscious and mostly through emotionally manipulating yourself.
That has actually healed your emotional attachment.

They haven't had any time at all to do that. In the time you break up with them they try to catch up to what you've been doing since you first had a doubt about the relationship.
You put days, weeks, months of slights, boredom, emotional fatigue, frustrations, annoyances, realizations of wanting to do better, lack of attraction, wanting more, whatever.
They get all of the 2 seconds it takes to communicate "it's over" to catch up to you.
That causes lots of problems.
Slowly sneak up on someone looking at you and say "boo!"
Then hide in the bushes at night and jump out at a stranger walking by, completely unaware of your presence, and say "boo!"
People that see it coming tend not to have as violent of outbreaks.

Umm...?..^^^ do you ever do anything shorthand..lol..jk..

Breaking up with someone you love hurts soooooo bad .

Too many people are insensitive in the way they do it ie, breaking up by text , phone call, or by moving on with a new person before officially ending the previous relationship, or sending messages on social media,or listing in mind numbing detail all that the person did wrong, or breaking up with a cold callous tone .These do not inspire a civil dignified reaction.

As far as I am concerned, if I loved you during the relationship, then I treat the break up as an extension of the love that was shared whether I break up with the person, or they break up with me.

I see breakups as a process.

The first time you hear it, there is likely to be shock, tears, anger, humiliation and a number of heightened emotions. In that moment, its unreasonable to expect people to smile and be light hearted. There maybe angry words exchanged or one person may shut down and walk out.

But fast forward to a month later when the visceral mist has blown away, if we both cant develop some level of civility and respect, then I would be disappointed in both myself and the ex.

Putting all that aside, I think psycho behaviour can often be avoided if people took more time to know their partner instead of jumping into bed or into a relationship with them after 5 mins.

But that's just me being old-fashioned

'hard' is subjective

its never easy to hurt another person

but its never been HARD to admit something isn't working, when you live your own life and have casual relationships, fortunately I never doubted the other person wasn't already aware before we officially broke it off

marriage was hard to break though , because of the deep history, the commitment, the vows, the love ,,,etc,,,


its painful to feel that investment of time and emotion slip away to nothing but memory

It would be so much easier if they had a block button in the middle of their forehead.

I think you're right, and this does suggest at least one thing: we might make the process at least a little better, if we recognize that most people are NOT ready to calmly accept bad news. And try to forgive the emotional outbursts that naturally occur as much as we can, so that we at least to build anything further on the cracked foundation those early reactions create.

When people are truly care about and love vent at me, I know to let them do it, and wait out the tempest of emotions, until they come back to themselves again. Allowing as many others that same leeway seems to help as well.

The only caution with this, is to make sure to have appropriate boundaries. I wont simply accept a violent response, for example. But if they howl, or cry, or accuse me of horrible things as they suffer, I can let all that slide. Because I don't demand that they account later for every little thing they do when they are in pain, they can heal faster.

You have to factor in the length of the relationship. You go out on a few dates, meet each others family, but after a few months you find out you don't have many interests in common, then you have the "It's not you, it's me" talk. But what about 9 years of which 6 of them you are married? I suspected my ex wanted out and did the typical sh.t that my first wife did, by doing stuff that they knew would get me mad. She did this so that she felt she was the loving wife that got asked to move out of the house and got sympathy, especially from the "friend" that came out of the woodwork to open his house to her since she didn't have a place to live. Of course, 6 months after the divorce was final, she married him. So yes, the truth does come out after the relationship is over.