If you feel he may be a player.........you're probably right.

However, I have called my current SO by my exes name a few times.............what would you say about that?? It wasn't that I forgot his name, but that I had eight years of using a different one.......and without thinking it has come out on two or three occasions.

Anyhoo.

Thx for sharing.........good read.

It amazes me how "mesmerizing" the lines on a screen could be.........I've recently become hypnotized by them myself. Staring up, waiting to see, heart jumping at every little beep. Seconds, minutes, hours go by.........and all that you know is that your not taking your eyes of those lines.

LoL, thx, but please do go on............

I know, it isn't that great, but I thought I'd share it anyways..............



To See


You.
You......
I hate you
yet I love you
no matter the time that has past
it still seems like yesterday
time heals everything
what a joke
who made up that lie?
yes I'm obsessed
this I know
obsession is not good
at least that is what I'm told
would you not be?
if it was the first time you ever felt alive
so what if it was an illusion
we all live in illusion every day
I sink deep within myself
at least there I can pretend
all is fine
all is good
but deep beneath the surface
everything means little
little means anything
is love real
or is it fantasy
certainly if it was of any substance
it couldn't be stripped away with a word
or more precise the lack of them
words unspoken
how they haunt my mind
lives unlived
sickens me to death
why be caught up in the past
with the present here and now
I am angry
I am sad
I am lonely
my heart despairs
why the bars
why the walls
I always thought I was open
I was free
but most the time
I feel confined
it doesn't seem
it should be so hard
to reach out to another
and have them reach back
to connect
to recognize
to understand
that you are no longer alone.
People surround me
talking at me
not to me
"You are this"
"You are that"
but how can they know
when they never listen
to the heartbeat
buried beneath my chest
to the thoughts
that are crammed in my head
do they even
truly see
anything other than what they want
Maybe
Just maybe, you never did either.
I thought you did
I thought you saw
that I was worth something
that I was beautiful
I thought you understood
the words I said
the heart I have
but it could it be
you never did?
A chance
that never came
because our eyes are blocked
our sight is limited
you never really saw me
maybe my picture of you was unclear
but I know now, you never really did
see me
for me,
or I you.

Awww, that is awesome, and I hope it all works out that you can both add to each other's life.

I understand your point about marriage. Unfortunately I married at 18, and divorce is part of my life.......however, I do not ever intend to do that again. I'm still wondering if "the rest of our/my life" exists/will exist with anyone......... (for me that is )

(And thx, but I am just plain ole me, meaning I am who I am, if you want a pretense or some frills, go elsewhere)

Well, if she is DEFINITELY coming back, why do you have to quit your job and marry her now??

NO offense, but I don't agree that your soul mate won't be around forever, that is almost the definition of the term.

Listen to your heart............yes, but there is a reasons you have a brain as well.

The one time I listened to my heart and completely ignored my brain, it didn't turn out so well, and same with listening to my brain and ignoring my heart..........they need to work together.

I mean, could you take time off work, without quitting, to spend time with her in China??

Why do you have to completely relocate there, if she isn't even planning on staying??

Don't get me wrong, some would say the "magic" could die..............but if it has lasted this long, what is another year, or however long??

I have a belief, that if it is meant to be, and meant to last, it will stand the test.

Anything that won't be there tomorrow, isn't worth turning my life upside down today.

Then again.........China could be the greatest experience of your life. Who knows??

Just make sure that if you do quit your job, go there, and both of you come back..............that there may be financial difficulties. I mean, you may have trouble finding a job when you get back.........

And discuss all this with her. I guess I just don't understand why so sudden, why does she want to marry now? Does she have personal convictions of being together and not being married?? Is it because you couldn't go if you weren't married?

Again, only you can decide............but I remember being taught as a teenager......and I still believe it now......anything worth having is worth waiting for. Not to say that you haven't already, lol, just that if there is such a rush, and it must be done now..........or never at all, just doesn't bode well with me and my logic.

Yanno, I'm sure a lot of things running through ur head right now.......but, I think it boils down the the answer to this one question:

Would you be able to live with yourself if you didn't at least give it a go??? I'd still hold off on the marriage part for a year or more, and would be a little worried if she wasn't ok with that..........but other than that, ??????

Sorry, for being pragmatic, but..........he hasn't talked to her for sixteen years?? Has a date on the fly because she was in town, talks for two hours??? She wants him to move to China, and you ask what he has to lose??

His single life, as she wants him to marry her. The place he lives. Any friends and family visits, as he won't probably be able to make it back on a weekly basis.

I don't know.........you were in love with her........I'd say give the relationship a try, but I find it a bit over the top for her to ask her to marry you after a two hour convo. I mean...........you broke up when you were 21.......have you had contact since then?? A lot happens and changes. I'd just hate to see you "go for it" and end up in China, and find out that.........well, she wasn't the "girl" you used to know.

But, then again, only you can say what you want.....

I see your point about people liking to talk about themselves............but, that isn't always the case. I have had guys write, and they ask me about the same things you listed.........and it more so gets on my nerves. I want a conversation, not 20 questions. Rather than asking a question, offer something about yourself, which in turn will hopefully bring something out of them. This only works when you have something in common, or when the person is open to sharing that they may not agree with you. If you don't agree, let it be know.......respectably.

In order to communicate with most women, you have to share yourself. If you're just talking/writing about the weather and what you did that day.......it can get boring after a while.

It never fails, when you talk about stuff that interests you, that you will find out quickly if it is going to work. Either you will find that you have things in common, or you will realize that you don't, which means it is time to move on.

If you run out of things to talk about after a few weeks, it isn't likely that you will have enough in common to share a life together.

If it is just that you feel you can't talk, that is a matter of practice....

I didn't read this whole thread, so please forgive me.

Umm, I don't think it really matters what "women" want, as each woman is different. It matters what you want. If you like to talk, examine why. Sometimes "talking" just to talk can be annoying. A conversation should have some "sumtin" to it.

Talking and communicating are not the same things.......just make sure you are communicating, and that you are communicating what is important to you, and things should work out fine.

Some women may not like it, but if ur being yourself, then those kind of women are not for you.

Time to move on babe.

Tis true, that things kind of slow down after while, but 5 months?? Well, if he's already acting like this now........it will only get worse.

Frankly, the comment he made about kissing your ass, should have been enough to tell you that he doesn't respect you much.

Don't make someone a priority who doesn't make you one. Plain and simple. Stop doing the little things for him.

As a matter of fact, say "Hey, I ENJOY doing the little things for you, but I also want to be with someone who ENJOYS doing them for me, since that doesn't seem to be you, I guess we'll be saying goodbye."

If he looks at it as "kissing your ass" and he doesn't feel he should have to do it............that means he doesn't WANT to do it, meaning he isn't what you want.......

Move on. Just be glad this happened BEFORE you moved there, or something else.

Yeah, but people know that Planned Parenthood has a part in abortions. There are actually churches who compare Planned Parenthood to the antichrist. I really wish people would realize that it is only their actions that they are held accountable for..........

I used to be pro-life, and thought abortion was equivalent to murder........until I did some research, read some personal testimonies for both sides. Took an written arguments class, lol. I couldn't do my paper on it, because I was torn.

The only thing I could not explain away, or point out BOTH sides of the story for...........was the fact that it is a woman's body.........I have two children. Childbirth and pregnancy are MAJOR life events, without actually raising the child. A woman's brain, hormones, EVERYTHING changes. Your body will never be the same again, NEVER. To try and force that on someone is wrong imo.

Plus I came to the realization, that it is this woman that has to live with the consequences of her decision.......whatever they are. If she has it she is "Mom" for the rest of her life. Her life is not her own anymore. If she has an abortion, she has to let go, forgive herself, and deal with judgments of people who may find out. She's the one that will wonder "what might have been".

I'm not willing to do either for her.........even if I could, it is her life.

Besides, I personally believe that every "baby" that is meant to be born..........will be, even if a mother decides to abort, they will simply be given to another.......but that is my personal view.

Life is full of hard choices. Who am I to judge someone elses, when I have enough trying to judge my own.

Ok, ummmmmmm, you get a "say" you just don't have the final decision.

See, it's like this, since it is her body.......she has veto power.

Sorry, but days of women being "slaves" is over.

No one is saying they don't understand you're point of view.

Flip it around.............you don't want a chld. IF you absolutely did not want a child...........then would you want someone to pressure you or force you into having one??

You said, you weren't talking about "force", but what do you call it when she definitely doesn't want it.

You could present your feelings to her, tell her you'd be willing to raise it.........it is up to her if she is willing to live with that or not.

Sorry, but that is the power she has...........

Again, that is why it is important for you to be careful who you have sex with.

That is where your choice is.

If she isn't ready........then you can choose to not have sex, as pregnancy is always a chance you take when having sex.

See, you want the "choice" but you don't want to have to follow any guidelines to ensure that you have one........or to at least increase the power of your "feelings" and "views".

Yes, a woman can be pro-life, in love with you, been with you for four or five years..........and for some reason when she gets pregnant want to abort.

Such is life. You have no promises............ Security is a facade. Without violence and FORCE, you can not control other human beings, now matter how much you'd like to.

Nobody, at least not in the situation you're presenting, FORCED you to sleep with her, get her pregnant...........so you have a choice and therefore a responsibility in

1. Who you sleep with.

2. Making sure you want the same things out of life.

3. If your sleeping with her, making sure she is, in your opinion, someone who would make a good mother.

4. Making sure that whatever happens you will take responsibility for your part in life.

See, too many people (including myself) go around mating (though it was my husband, who is an ex now) with little consideration to whether or not this person would make a good parent, and if they are ready for such a responsibility yet.

Though I think those are two really important things to consider when you're talking about having a child with someone.

Or, would you rather her go through with the pregnancy, then be a horrible mother, who at the end of her rope........knowing she wasn't ready to begin with, abuses the child to death??

I didn't say it would happen.........

Yeah, associated with a "church" meaning they have some sort of morality, that's laughable.......how come they send people home to die because they can't afford certain treatment then??

Did you read my post??

If you feel that strongly about it..........don't have sex with women who may decide to get an abortion. It is as simple as that. There are lots of them out there............

Ah, easy to say, as you don't truly have to worry about it. No offense, but when reality hits, your decision may change.

Yes, you may want a child, and if you choose not to date someone who is pro-choice, that is your business......

But, you can have a child with someone else..........

I mean, I think you should be able to tell "her" how you feel, but forcing her to have your baby is no different than raping her...........

You may want a child, but that doesn't mean she has to be the mother of it.

Another good reason why you should actually know, and know well the people you choose to sleep with.

Well, I consider this to be "harassment"..........and I've never actually been to a clinic.

One way to solve this problem is to not have abortion "clinics"......but that is just an opinion. If they are done somewhere other health care is given, then it would be less likely that these people would congregate.

I don't know. If it is your right and your choice, and you don't want someone taking that right away from you.............you have to consider, is it "right" for you to want to take the freedom of speech away from others??

There are always going to be people who use "love" as a mask for their hate. IMO, to show "love" for an unborn baby, but not the mother is hypocritical............but what do you do??

As I said, the only thing I can think of is to close down clinics who "specialize" in abortion..........and just have it done at a regular health care establishment.

The fact that people know what you are there for when you walk in, is imo, an invasion of privacy...........but what do I know?

I don't think that is too much to ask. People tell you to "sleep on it" with most major decisions in life.....abortion is no different.

Some states require more...........but I think 24 hrs is good.

I am pro-choice for one, and one reason only.

1. I do not feel that I, or the government, has the right to tell another what they can or can not do with their body.

All other reasons, are not so important, imo. Would I choose to, I hope never......but that doesn't give me the right to take the choice away from someone else.

Yes, a baby dies, imo........however I feel that there are worse things in life than death. We all die.........it is just a matter of when.

Do I think it teaches people lack of responsibility, yes........but just because they go through with the birth of a child doesn't somehow miraculously make someone responsible. Look at all the irresponsible parents we have in the world.

In some senses, I feel that "choice" is less of a "choice" and more the lack of them. I do feel that we should make alternatives available in every way possible. Adoption, help for mothers that would like to keep the baby but feel overwhelmed because of financial situations, etc.

I also feel that every person seeking an abortion should have unbiased counseling before they make their final decision. Counseling that gives accurate information, and offers alternatives but leaves it up to the woman to decide for herself. That counseling would include what happens to a woman's body during an abortion (and somewhat the baby, though not too detailed).

Some women have abortions and then later when they want children can not conceive........though I think the complications are less than what they used to be, abortion does have some major negative consequences. The woman needs to be making the decision because it is what she wants, and not because she feels like she has no other option, or because she feels forced into it. If she does under those circumstances it can have some major mental health implications..........

As I said, unbiased counseling of what actually happens both physically and mentally.......and non-judgmental support whatever the decision is.

Divorce, breaking off a friendship, or even testifying against someone, or putting them in jail (as a judge) is not the "judging" I am speaking with. You are not judging their worth, or uplifting yourself as better than them. You are simply deciding that you don't want them in their life anymore.

As a matter of fact, you can still love someone, and want to have absolutely nothing to do with them.




Again, I do not believe serving "consequences" is the same as what I mean when I say "judging" someone. In context of my OP, it is the elevation of one's self to be higher than another based on personal "ethics" or "morality".

May I say, that many who serve justice to others, do not hold themselves to the same code as those they judge. I didn't say all, just a lot. Power, is today's justice.

Besides, who decides what is fair justice??? It is usually based on selfish reasons.

In other countries it is acceptable to stone a woman because she is found in the company of a man who is not her husband/father/or brothers.

It is acceptable to beat your wife because she went outside without her face covered, if not kill her.

It is acceptable to shun, despise, and in some cases stone a girl who was raped.......

Shoot, it wasn't too long ago that our own American society blamed women who were raped for the rape............when men were not tried for it, because the woman was dressed provacatively, or thought the man was handsome.

Nor was it long ago that it was perfectly legal to beat the crap out of your child simply because you felt like it.....or because they looked at you funny.

As a matter of fact, it wasn't so long ago where you could kill a slave because they ran away..........and do it legally.

When "witches" were burned at the stake....

Hmmmmm, something to ponder.