(Not sure if this is the right forum, I hope so)

Ok, so we see these types of threads and news articles all the time.

Stories of people who have betrayed this trust or that. People who do not "fit in" our society. I'm generalizing on purpose.

Many people just don't seem to understand WHY someone else does what they do...........mainly because they don't think like that person.

How is it that we value individualism and freedom, but yet don't even realize what that means??

Don't get me wrong, there are times when measures have to be taken for the physical well being of others................but what people forget is that we are not all the same.

Our brains are different. No one quite has a brain like yours.

Our lives are different. Even twins raised in the same family with the same "friends" deal with different things on a daily basis.

Our DNA is different.........................

But yet we expect other to "make sense" to us, and when they don't........there is something "wrong" with the other person.

I started this thread because it seems like instead of desiring to understand, the majority of people (no one in particular) prefer to "judge" people.

Judging is ok, when it is simply a matter of deduction. This person has a habit of lying to get what they want..... Ok, but when you deem that person as "bad" or yourself somehow "better" because you don't do it, meanwhile ignoring your own "faults".

I'd just wanted to see what ya'll thought. Cuz ultimately, I believe that people will do well when they can. Yes, some of the human race have done some horrible things...........but there isn't a one of us who isn't capable of those same acts.

Somehow we make ourselves feel better and be able to sleep better at night, by separating "us" from "them". We could NEVER do that.............

Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe........just MAYBE, these people are doing what we all do?? Trying to survive.

Yes, some of us have better skills for survival. Some of us are better at social interactions, etc. But ultimately that is what we are all trying to do.

We are trying to make it through.......in a harsh world that really doesn't give a rip about whether we live or die.........or if we do live, whether we live well.

We're all guilty of it, I've been guilty of it, but maybe............we should be a little less critical of judging others.

Since you don't know their brain, their life, or the internal struggles another person faces on any given day...............Maybe it would do society good if we just said, yanno, it isn't right, but maybe they were just doing what they thought they needed to in order to survive. In order to be "happy".

Yes, we need to keep ourself safe (in matters of physically violent behaviors) and I'm not saying you should just let rapists and murders walk the streets hurting people.

BUT

Instead of judging them as something lower than yourself.........maybe realize that these people have problems, and YES they are problems that are not ok with you/us............and YES, they must serve the consequences for their actions, but they are still people. And hoping that somewhere along their path, they will find peace??

My post wasn't meant to just be about murderers, etc.........but people in general.

The woman down the street who has five kids by five different men.......who has been flirting with your husband.

The kid down the street who flips you off just because he can..........

The guy who broke into your house and stole your jewelry....

I'll be the judge

You sure, it isn't a bikini contest.

Biblically speaking, it says to test all spirits...the soul being like a spirit...I find that I hate what people do..but not hate the person....
So...if I see someone touching my truck...I am going to be forced to try to beat the bad spirits out of them...lol

There is a phrase that I strive to live by each and every day...

"First seek to understand...then be understood"

with that being said, there are many things that I do not understand, no matter how many times I try to...I just have to accept that I will not understand...yet that does not mean that anyone is wrong or right much of the time...just that we have a different view or understanding...

every time that "I" get grandiose and think that I am the judge of someone or something...I get a lesson in humility...and rightfully so.

^^^

I wasn't referring to the Bible or anything...........even in judging the "spirits" I think it is more so that you know how to relate to them, how to react.

I think it is more important to take responsibility for your own choices.

Too many times we blame the other person. Especially in "love". Love does not turn to hate, if u go from loving someone to hating them, then you never loved them..............you loved what you thought OF them. It was their failure to hold up to that image.........that made you hate them. Your fault, not theirs.

Anyhoo. IMO, most things are not a moral issue, but we seem to make them such.

Hey beautiful. Very good points. I have noticed myself that anytime I have made judgments of others (especially as a teenager) I've had to live through it, and then understood a little better.

Example: I would never let my child act like that......... My child has done almost everything negative that could be thought of............and when it boils down to it, unless I want to physically abuse him, I really can't make him do or not do anything...............the only things I can do is guide, and since he is still small, physical guidance can still be accomplished.

Anyhoo, that is what I think is meant when the Bible talks about "Judge not lest ye be judged". It goes on to say that however you judge others, you will be judged yourself.

I find however, that when you are "qualified" to judge (meaning you've been there, done that, and are "clean" in that area) that you choose to understand instead..........

the things that are law are set to be judged when someone breaks them...

the moral issues are where people think they are in a position to judge...

the moral issues are what individuals are different in...the law is supposed to be the same for everyone...

either way...I find it generally is not in my best interest to judge anyone...I have much room for improvement on my own personal judgements of myself...

no bikinis????
Im outta here!!!

I don't know, I have to disagree with you on some points.



There are things that people do in life that I couldn't even begin to imagine doing. I could never sell myself to provide for me or my child, I could never injure someone out of rage, I could never abuse drugs....those things are just not in me to do. You can count on that. Do I judge people that do those things? Yes, I do. Because I know that they can do better and make better choices, they just choose not to. Just like the bad things that I have done in my life. Could I have done better? Of course! Did I choose not to? Yes I did.

Another point you made:

Does she know the consequences of having unprotected sex? Of course she does. But she chose not to and ended up with 5 kids w/ 5 different fathers. Does she know that flirting with my husband is wrong? Of course she does! But she chooses to disrespect herself and me because she could care less about the consequences.


Does he know that it's wrong to do that. Of course he does. Because there comes a point in time in a child's life, regardless of how he was raised, where he recognizes right and wrong and has the option of making that choice of doing the wrong thing or right thing.



And this guy knows what he is doing is wrong. And I don't care if his family is starving and living on the street, he has enough insight to know that there is a right way to get money, whether it be by getting governmental assistance, or by getting a job.

My point is, I judge people, not because I feel that I am better then them, but because I know that they can do better then the choices they are making at the time. Criticize me if you will, but I make no apologies for being that way. I have been judged for the poor choices I've made in my life, and because of that, I've strive to do better, because I know that I can do better. JMHO

I would venture to say that you did not change because others judged you. You changed, because as you said, you felt you could do better.

I don't see how if you "don't have it in you" to do something that you think you can say they can do better, when you don't even struggle with it. That in and of itself makes you incapable of judging someone.

You mentioned that you "could never injure someone out of rage". Is that to say that you have NEVER hit anyone. NEVER said hateful words because you were angry. NEVER even as much called someone a bad name??? Cuz that is injuring another because of your own anger.

You also assume that people CAN do better, or that they think they can.

For the most part, they don't think they can. A woman who sleeps around and has lots of children, in search of the "right one".........doesn't think she deserves respect.

The fact that you have self esteem...............self efficacy.............well, that makes you unqualified to judge those who do not, nor have they ever.

You'd be surprised what being beat on a daily, weekly basis and being told you are stupid, and that you are hated regularly will do to you................

However, I do not judge you for judging others.......nor am I asking or do I expect that you should offer an apology.

Such is your life...........I just think you have some gaps in your logic for justifying yourself. Something I never said you needed/had to do.

Snap judgements are only natural honey!

We all rate ourselves somewhere in our society.

We place ourselves in lower esteem to our celebrities and in higher esteem than the screw ups...often that line blurs.

I am better than many people. I have not achieved the merits of many.

It is all irellevant....the best I can hope for is to be the best person I can be.

I am the only one to judge myself that really matters.

Kind of hard to grasp the concept that someonelses opinion should superceed my own.

I can't fathom being diminished by someone's opinion.

Wise words! For some of us it took a long time to realize that, but once it's internalized...watch out world! AWESOME!

I agree..........but I personally think that this comes when you realize that you are truly no better than anyone else. When you judge harshly those around you, an elevate yourself, it is because you feel the need to make yourself "better" by putting others down, is it not?

My comments were not based on "snap" judgements.

I'm sorry, but it is relevant. VERY relevant.

Tribal wars, slavery, hate period, is usually based on the thought that you are somehow "above" another human being.................

Yes, it is "natural", for children..........just some never grow beyond their egocentric view of the world.

JUDGE DREDD WAS A COOL MOVIE

I know this wasn't meant to be a religious thread and I'm trying not to make it so, however, I was in one of those belief systems until I was 32. Judging was something we were actually taught to do.

What I've learned since then is that I don't know everyone's circumstances, nor do I know their reasoning for why they do such things or why they project a certain behavior. It seems to never fail me now, when I "judge" someone, even if it's in my own thoughts and not out loud, that I make that "judgment" it comes back to bite me in the a$$ everytime.

If I'm going to err, (heaven forbid), let me err on the side of LOVE and 2nd chances rather then with a "black and white" attitude about all I come in contact with.

Pretty wide topic but sometimes there are situations where you are just facing the facts about something and going on and living your life. Divorce always seems to come down to one person being wrong and one right when in reality a lot of times there are more than enough reasons for people not to be compatiable and it really isn't about right and wrong or judgeing others.

I dont judge someone because of their actions, if I find their actions to be against my lifestyle goals I just avoid them. The only way that I will start to act on my personal feelings about persons actions are when it harms others or myself. Then judgement is required to determine penalty for said actions against others. Sorry girl but there is a price to pay for bad behaviour, sometimes its street justice other times its the court system. But there is a point in each persons life that they know what they are doing is wrong and should be dealt with accordingly.

Divorce, breaking off a friendship, or even testifying against someone, or putting them in jail (as a judge) is not the "judging" I am speaking with. You are not judging their worth, or uplifting yourself as better than them. You are simply deciding that you don't want them in their life anymore.

As a matter of fact, you can still love someone, and want to have absolutely nothing to do with them.




Again, I do not believe serving "consequences" is the same as what I mean when I say "judging" someone. In context of my OP, it is the elevation of one's self to be higher than another based on personal "ethics" or "morality".

May I say, that many who serve justice to others, do not hold themselves to the same code as those they judge. I didn't say all, just a lot. Power, is today's justice.

Besides, who decides what is fair justice??? It is usually based on selfish reasons.

In other countries it is acceptable to stone a woman because she is found in the company of a man who is not her husband/father/or brothers.

It is acceptable to beat your wife because she went outside without her face covered, if not kill her.

It is acceptable to shun, despise, and in some cases stone a girl who was raped.......

Shoot, it wasn't too long ago that our own American society blamed women who were raped for the rape............when men were not tried for it, because the woman was dressed provacatively, or thought the man was handsome.

Nor was it long ago that it was perfectly legal to beat the crap out of your child simply because you felt like it.....or because they looked at you funny.

As a matter of fact, it wasn't so long ago where you could kill a slave because they ran away..........and do it legally.

When "witches" were burned at the stake....

Hmmmmm, something to ponder.