Someone who expects me to make them happy, entertain them, give them regular ego boosts...........rather than realizing these things are their own responsibility.

I think it is cuz they spend too much time hiding away in their shell........... (It was a try anyway)

Awesome, congrats. You might wanna get on setting that second date though..........she may be wondering if u want to.

If I may..........it isn't a matter of blame as I said, but responsibility.

The abuser has their own issues as well, if we're going to call the one's who stay victims, then the abuser is a victim too. They have their own fears, insecurities, rage, and abuse that causes them to behave as they do.

They are just as tormented as those they torment.......that is where it comes from.

I am not saying I feel sorry for them, or that I condone the behavior, simply that instead of judging these people as heartless and cruel, and casting them outside of the fringes humanity isn't fair and isn't going to help.

Most abusers were first abused. It is a vicious cycle in EVERY sense of the word.

IMO, people do well when they can. If you are not mindful of what goes on in ur head and life.....u will only react, and reactions are usually programmed by previous experience.

That is why a lot of things are in the state that they are...........people not living their lives, but rather reacting to life.

But again, what do I know?

^^^Yep.

Oh, ok. Ummmmmmm, maybe he didn't know exactly what he should do about it.

He probably didn't want to make her mad, but also didn't want to hurt the "old" friend........

Ummmmmmmmmm, probably for the same reason you like her.....other than last night.

She has insecurities, like almost everyone else. He knows and understands that.....and deals with it. He must care for her.

NOTE: If you are not willing to put up with some negatives in a relationship. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ONE! At least not one that lasts. No one is perfect. You weigh the good with the bad, and then make a decision on whether this is something you that is a deal breaker or not.

That one is easy..........the abuser doesn't love themself so therefore can not love anyone else and settles for control instead.

Though I see/agree with your other point.......it isn't about blame but RESPONSIBILITY. It is not the responsibility of anyone else to make sure you as adult are taking care of. It is that mentality that brings about the situation of abuse. You allow others to hurt you simply because you are not taking responsibility for yourself and your own needs instead relying on those around you to make you feel good about yourself, to protect you, to love you. You do all this while taking on the responsibility of others, trying to help them be better or fulfill their potential, etc.

It is only when you take responsibility for your own wants/needs and realize that your abuser is not your responsibility in any way shape or form no matter who they are or what vows you have taken, that you are able to leave.

I have..........and would with no problems, unless they started causing some.

Most immature "women" maybe........I would venture that any true woman would be secure enough in herself and her own goals in life to realize that such a boyfriend/love/husband is definitely NOT what she wants.

P.S. Anyone who has this opinion, need not look for a mate, but a dog or some other pet.............

Just wondering if you have ever been in such a situation??? U'd be surprised how intelligent such women are.........

There are several reasons.......depending on childhood and previous home life it may be just as normal to them as having a bowl of cereal for breakfast in the morning.

Let me copy and paste a post I made in another forum a while back:

Women generally NEED that social connection, and they are willing to do almost anything to get/keep it.

It also has to do with a woman's desire to "fix" things. A lot of women NEED a cause, and they choose whatever man they feel needs the most work.......and it takes them years to realize that people aren't objects that you can just "fix".

There is a lot of psychology behind it...............and there are as many reasons as there are women and men who stay in such circumstances.

A lot of it has to do with not knowing yourself, and your needs/wants well enough to do anything about it.

Some of it is societal pressures...........some of it has to do with childhood and whether or not you have ever had a good example of what a relationship should look like.

Such as, what if u grew up in a strictly Christian home, that taught u that there was absolutely no reason, besides adultery, to get a divorce?? What if u were taught to submit to ur husband?? Yes, these churches still exist....

I think many would be surprised to know that people who are raised in an abusive home.........actually think abuse is normal.......whether that abuse was directed at them or not.

I'd like to add to that, familiarity and comfort zone. People tend to stay where they are comfortable. If you had been with this person for a long time and the abuse was gradual (as it almost always is) then you have established a relationship (whether it is a healthy one or not is irrelevant) and a "home". To leave the place and person you have known for so long is not exactly easy.

Most people who abuse, do not show their true colors for a time. Come on, if a guy beat the crap out of u on the third date because u looked at him funny..........then there would be jail time and no chance at a fourth date. But most people are on their best behavior for the first year or so......and the abuse is gradual. A slight push, name calling......... If you were slapped as a child/teenager by ur parents, what is "normal" to you.

I've been in a mutually abusive relationship. I didn't just sit and take it (at first) I dished it back out......... My home life as a child was similar. I ran my mouth to my parents, and my dad would slap me across the face. I did not know what a peaceful home was......... There came a point where I didn't fight back, for two reasons I was scared it would escalate farther than I could handle......and because it was wrong. The problem was I had been with him since I was seventeen had two children.......and no job.

You say there are programs........yep. You get to stay in a shelter with a bunch of other people you don't know.....where they hook u up with government assistance.....not exactly the best of situations. Better than living that way, but certainly not in your comfort zone.

Things have to get extreme before you are willing to give up everything you know..........

Anyhoo, only people who have never been there, and who know lil about psychology would deem it "stupid". Twisted, yes. Unhealthy, yes. But the logic makes sense, if u simply can look at it from the victims point of view. A lot of them are convinced that they did something to deserve it. Such as mouthing off........etc.

Well, at least u know ur covered.........and are less likely to be the "neighbor" in this situation..........



Well, after the shock faded, I'd probably laugh, and then get them one......... And, never look at my neighbor the same way again.......lol.

Cool. I love this kind of stuff. Let me thank you beforehand.

My question is about my current relationship...... I will leave it at that.

Agreed. Whether she actually banned books or not is irrelevant imo, the fact that she is even interested in whether or not it could/would be done is enough for me.

I don't care if 80% of the population wanted to ban/burn a specific book, it is still WRONG on all levels.

As was said, you don't have to read the book. If you are a concerned parent, then maybe you should be more involved in your child's life and know what they are involved in.........rather than expecting everyone else to be.

Banning books, or even considering banning books, is more than taboo, imo. It is some seriously scary sh1t......... There is enough censorship as it is........too many great works lost to evil tyrants who were threatened by them.

That is the only reason people "ban" things, is because they feel threatened by them.........why exactly would you feel threatened by a book?? My mind says, only if it had some ideas or truths that had the ability to disrupt YOUR status quo...........and imo, disrupting the status quo is exactly what we need.

But what do I know?

Wow, so all ya'll are telling me your breath has never smelled bad???

It depends, does it smell like poo?? Or like garlic???

I mean, some people can't help it, there are medical conditions that cause u to have bad breath.........stomach disorders and gum issues.

Btw, though it is rare bad teeth/breath is not always due to a lack of brushing/flossing/etc. some people do not have enamel on their teeth, viruses of the mouth (no different than a cold as my daughter has had them), etc.

I'm not that hard to please, nor do I lack tact. It would also depend on how well I knew the person. If it was our first meeting, I probably wouldn't say anything unless it was terrible, then I wouldn't actually say it, but I would pop a mint and offer them one.........

If I knew them well, I'd just say, "Here's a piece of gum, ur breath is smelly".

Unless it IS due to a lack of personal hygiene, I wouldn't make a big deal about bad breath..........unless it was the kind that makes u gag...........then

I agree, it would be a major turn off..........but more than likely I'd be concerned for them, as bad breath has medical reasons......unless u actually were just eating sh1t!

That the relationship is going no where, and you want to break it off.

Quitting a job, at least for me.

Death.

I rarely have a problem saying whatever needs to be said, these ones just make my heart feel like it's beating in my throat.......

Well..........at this point I have neither, so..... I'm still in school, and though I'm in a relationship, I'm not "in love" as of yet........

I'd say it depends, if I found a "career" that I fell in love with, doing what I love to do, I'd be hard pressed to give it up........but IF I found someone who I fell head over heels for, I'm sure I could simply volunteer my time and still continue to do what I love........

Either way, they are both love..........love for a person.......and (I'll disagree with most here, as I don't believe it is love of a job, or love of money, at least not for a lot of people) a love for what you are doing with your life............

Might as well, before I get too old to be allowed in here..............28 and counting (unfortunately).