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Community > Posts By > OkiHeadDoctor
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Due to our vast cultural, educational, fiscal, social, spiritual… differences… (just to name a few)… it’s sometimes difficult to relate to others not from our similar environments… So……. Subject #1… Do our parents hold sway? To what degree of influence did/do our parents’ practices have over us, and the choices we make about who we bring home to meet them as a possible life partner? And… do we always respect their wishes, or do as we choose in contrast to them? Subject #2… Do couples hold sway? Likewise... To what degree of influence do couples have over the mindset and actions of each other? And… do we always respect the others wishes, or do we choose to live in contrast to them? Athena again, I like you. You think deeply which is both a good thing and bad. IMHO our parents have/had a great percentage of sway in regards to how we are in relationships. At the end of the day, we make our own choices, but I still feel that the influence is there somewhere. I think it boils down to who we are as people. Essentially, my moms raised me and I have several feminine traits which will either rub you right or rub you wrong. My wife's Mom is a "controller" and it is obvious that those traits were magically passed down. Our relationship was that of contrast in nearly every way. A bad way mostly. Other couples definitely have influence as well - for example - if you hang out with a womanizer, you WILL pick up some of those qualities, mannerisms, and mindset - to some degree. That same goes for women. My wife's best friend was without a doubt "in control" of most aspects (99%) of her marriage. I think my wife wanted that. She didn't and will never get that here. I am in the varying-50 camp which means that most things should be decided 50-50 other than those things were perceived expertise is at play. When it is time to get new tires, that is more my call; when it's time for new clothes, all her. Either way discussion should always be a part most of the time. The relationship will eventually crumble otherwise...mine did but oh-well! |
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Edited by
OkiHeadDoctor
on
Fri 03/01/13 04:37 AM
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First-off, there is no such thing as a boring date, just boring people. If you think you are having to endure a "boring date" maybe you should take a quick pulse-check and see if it is you causing the bore. If you determine (be honest and don't lie to others, and most definitely don't lie to yourself!) that it is you, man-up/woman-up and ask, "am I boring you?" and get some guidance - there may be one of a million other things going on in that person's life...
I will admit to not being a mega-exciting, jet-skiing, hike-taking guy, but with my personality, boredom is an improbability. |
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Online dating (IMHO) is just an extension of dating in the real world anyway. If you didn't do so well (hint=me) in the real world, being on here may help - especially if the memory facility is starting to slip...
I like it a lot if for no other reason than e-meeting lovely people like SelenaRose, SimonePegg, Babydoll0429, and several others. I most certainly wouldn't have them "in my life" if it weren't for this site, so I'm happy. |
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Topic:
Do you get off on foreplay?
Edited by
OkiHeadDoctor
on
Fri 02/08/13 05:37 AM
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To me foreplay a is smile-invoking word and concept. When I was younger, it was merely a multifaceted chore akin to watering a fruit-producing plant with future hopes of plucking (pun!) and receiving a reward for my efforts.
As I am now older, foreplay is as much (if not more) for me than for my partner. Remember the old car that needed to idle for a while before you drove it? Yeah, I'm a classic 1977 Ford Granada. In 2013: Both mentally & physically, I CAN'T just "get in it to win it" any more. This is a really good thing, a little bad, and a little sad. Mostly good. Foreplay is good for the mind, body, and soul. I couldn't imagine lovemaking without it. Sometimes it's okay to skip it, but it's ALWAYS better doing it. Think Granada. |
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Topic:
Girls enjoy sex?
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Oh yeah, I've heard of that term, but that's not me. OP was asking in the present-tense, so the answer would be 'No.' In the past, I have...but not currently 
Well Simplicity, I'm sorry to hear that unless it is your choice. I'm pretty chivalrous at times and could look you up next time I come home to Chicago... (j/k) My own words remind me of one time, way back in 1989, my sister had a pregnant friend with an itch that needed scratching. That guy named Chivalry came out of nowhere! ( queue trumpet sound) I scratched it for her. 
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Topic:
Girls enjoy sex?
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Is this post really happening? I know, right? Wait, whadya mean? > You can't believe this post continues on because it is a silly-@ss question? > You know/have known a billion-million ladies, and only one doesn't like sex? > You want slap the OP for even insinuating that you don't aboslutely love the horizontal mambo? Hey, I tried to kill the thread originally, now it's just funny. 
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Topic:
Girls enjoy sex?
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No. Simplicity, you can't possibly mean that! Either you are one of the unfortunate ladies which suffer from dyspareunia, or you've had a crappy time in the past. Sex doesn't have the same feeling, meaning, or existence for me as it once did (thankfully!) but I would pick it above many other activities. Tony the Tiger phrased it best, "THEY'RE GREAT!!!" - okay, maybe not. 
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Topic:
Free Lunch?
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Traditional the man pays. Least that's old school. What is the source of that tradition? Why should the tradition be kept? David with the keen follow-up! I would be led to believe the source of tradition was in the "courting rules" from back in the day. Besides impressing/lavishing your would-be beau, showing that you aren't a tight-wad, and that you would provide for her, she didn't have any loot because she didn't work. The tradition has been negated in many regards (movement!) by the latter but should be retained for the former. |
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Topic:
Free Lunch?
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chivalry is dead, it seems. 
i don't think i've ever been on a first date where the guy didn't insist on paying. i must be old school. ;) In this one late - sorry! CHIVALRY!?
I, for one, have ALWAYS had issues with this phrase & concept. I thought we were equals? Yeah, I know statistically men make more loot than women, but this mentality could be taken as an affront to the always-present women's equality movement... For me, I'm paying because: 1. I got it like that 2. I want to show how I don't obsess about money and to illustrate that I am willing to share with those in my life 3. I just so happen to have a stack in my wallet. If I don't, I will say so, and ask her to pay - because we're equal. Note: the above post contains ~6% sarcasm, 93% just me. Good post; it segways into a topic that is near-n-dear to my heart = relationship equality. |
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Topic:
define SEX!
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Rabbit hole!
(Bad, but funny pun) 
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Topic:
Girls enjoy sex?
Edited by
OkiHeadDoctor
on
Tue 02/05/13 06:07 AM
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Dude - I don't see this thread ever getting any traction. Sex is way too complex a topic when relationships (as a concept) are far more important - and exponentially more complex...
Besides, this is your first post? Really? Answer: Yes, most women enjoy sex. Note: There is some small print on the next 250 pages. #killthread |
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Topic:
what women wants
Edited by
OkiHeadDoctor
on
Tue 02/05/13 05:30 AM
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This is truly somewhat of a trick question. Not to tick anyone off, but my response to this query is as such:
NO ONE KNOWS! 
As the well-versed scoundrel from Texas eluded to, what a woman wants in a man often differs from what attracts her in the first place. I submit this to you -> As I was watching the Superbowl (great job Raves!) I looked at Solomon and thought, "man, I bet he got it good with none of the problems I have." Then I thought about it. Chances are that although he looks great, makes a lot of loot, is hopefully very sweet and generous to his wife & kids = I BET SHE STILL COMPLAINS ABOUT SOMETHING! To wit I surmise that it is human nature to never be happy with what we've got. The grass is always greener-than-$hit "over there" and all you can do is be good, try to always do the right thing, and pray for the best... ...or put yourself in the mental ward trying to figure these things out. My two-cents. Apologies for any pessimism therein. |
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Topic:
I AM NOT A GOLD DIGGER!!
Edited by
OkiHeadDoctor
on
Mon 02/04/13 11:10 PM
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oki, "MountainWaterGirl - FYI, your new avatar is hotter than the last! " It's going to be because I got my boobs in it right? lol All the other shots... I was trying to leave them out of the equation for obvious reasons lol. 
 MWG, I'm just complimenting you at this stage, and no. Since my split, I spend a good deal of time in my master bedroom. She wanted the 42" Sony instead of the 60" Sharp, so of course I said "whatever you want." I then went and got a pretty nice 46" Samsung which fits my bedroom entertainment system PERFECTLY. What's the point? From the distance I sit and sometimes lay, I noticed your hair and facial expression well before anything else, and I thought "whoa - way sexy look there"
I only looked at the girls after you introduced them! Hello ladies!!!  (the answer to that age-old question = I've got a happy-a$$ banana in my pants that's glad to see ya!)
The Pun-murderer, Darnell |
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Topic:
I AM NOT A GOLD DIGGER!!
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as far as this "gold digger" label that all we women who care about the quality of our existence have to face accusations of at some time during our eligible lives, it is just an intimidation tactic wielded to guilt trip us into keeping our expectations and requirements low from the onset... however, those of both genders who seek partners out strictly for what they can financially gain from the other are mostly just players who like to ride thru life on their backs and the backs of others, while any actual digging consists of manual labor that these types prefer to avoid... just my take.. okay.. I'll shut up now... 
 
I think this says a lot. Wise woman... nice to see. Not just because you and I share the same opinion. It really is instinctive to make sure your potential mate can take care of you and a family... comes from thousands of years of the way things were. A young woman made herself up beautiful and presented herself in public, she was selected by a man because of her looks and demeanor for the ability to conceive and take care of her husband, children, and home. Even large breasts were seen as a sign she was not going to let him down in the conception department, and suggested to him she was more capable of feeding his children than others. They got married FIRST and rocked on. The family of the woman would be involved so they could assess what this man can offer their daughter. This means money and possessions. HIS means to ensure their daughter's survival and family genes were entrusted to him because of his provision. We women sum up the traits in a man that will ensure our survival and any children that are produced. Even though these old fashioned ways are on on the shelf, they are still active in our minds. You can't take out thousands of years of instinct in a couple hundred years. MountainWaterGirl - FYI, your new avatar is hotter than the last! And I see that you and AthenaRose are stepping with the deep deep insight. Good. With your two cents though, didn't many have problems with it? I won't lie, I WISH it was still like that. I am a decent guy, I make great money, a Marine most of my adult life, and I'm great with kids. Using the "old-school" method of selection I am an 8! DOH! We (the planet) are in trouble, and I am so jealous of the naive-but-happy folks... |
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Topic:
I AM NOT A GOLD DIGGER!!
Edited by
OkiHeadDoctor
on
Mon 02/04/13 05:06 AM
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I think it's kinda sad when love and money are put in the same class. True, true. The whole thang is kinda sad really. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce!? This is madness. Is there anything to be done? Let's not assign blame - it's a rabbit-hole. Some will say "the women's movement" but the movement happened because of wicked men. Let's just be upfront with our feelings on our sleeves. Gotta try SOMETHING. One day in the near future a newscaster will report, "75% of all marriages now in end divorce" - what will we do then? SAD. Shame on all of us. #rant:off Ohh ohh, this was my sixty-ninth post! Woo-hoo! Too bad none of THAT is going on...(sigh) |
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Edited by
OkiHeadDoctor
on
Mon 02/04/13 04:56 AM
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Athena - yes it is wrong if you don't fully understand what it means to yourself AND the other person.
I love you <to me> means I forgive your imperfections and pray you forgive mine. I want to be with you and only you in that way which implies we are a team. I want you to respect my feelings as I will respect yours. Let's move forward with the understanding that we may not agree on every little thing, but we will decide things together. Okay my cynicism is on a break, and my soft underside has been exposed; can we not speak of satan's call (I love you) ever again please!!!? 
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Topic:
define LOVE!
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I remember when I proposed to my ex-wife, and how I had this feeling that she was everything that I truly wanted. So many aspects encompassed this feeling. I knew I would give me all for her, would laugh and cry with her, would support her, would adore and cherish her, and would treat her as the greatest treasure on Earth. Plus, I knew she (back then) felt the same way too. And to me, that is what love (in a relationship) is all about. When two people have this undying, unquestionable loyalty to one another that connects them. GB73, are you two still married? If so, you started it off and kept it going RIGHT; If not, what happened!? |
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Topic:
Is sex all men think about?
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Long thread - my eyes now hurt. Look, the Doctor will set you straight: MOST (not all - everyone's different!) men IMHO can easily separate sex and emotion. They are not bonded together as is the case with MOST women. "Most" meaning greater than 50% mind you. Maybe you fit that group, maybe you don't. Please don't flame me either way! You may be able to catch a honey at the club/meeting spot, put a little alcohol in her to loosen the bond, and convince her by hook or by crook to share her goody-goodness with you. It won't be the same (definitely for her) than if she knew you, and you courted her the right way, and tilted her emotional side in your favor. If you perform the latter and share a special moment with THAT woman - done the latter way - the sex, no, the lovemaking will be pure magic. Some of us men, because we're older, got cultured, were taught, whatever/etc, perform the latter and have hyper-wonderful-magical lovemaking and it IS better for all due to the emotional bond. I'll share with you = I told my wife AND her special friend that I would have PREFERRED if they just had screwed! According to both of them, they didn't(?) They did, however, form that bond I was referring to. This was/is my extreme pain, and I am a little wiser in the process. No screw-ups for me next time... So with all that, I think YES. Most (see earlier definition of the word) men DO think only about sex. But this it at certain times in their lives... And on top of that, sometimes sex sex sex can lead or develop into to love! Arrrrgh - too complicated. This is why just sex CAN BE a good thing - it is fairly simple = Tab A goes into slot B, then C will come out (ha!) Another reason I'm happy to stay single. I suppose the men that separate sex from emotion can keep themselves away from me then  It wouldn't be so bad if the word "sex" wasn't used as an adjective to refer to a noun,...flesh and blood.
C'mon MWG, you can't mean that. Even the ultimate cynik (read: me) will admit that life is better when you are enjoying with someone you enjoy being with. I was just pointing out that some things are easier for dudes than with dudettes. I wasn't labeling it as acceptable either. |
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Topic:
Can we still be friends?
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My ex and me still have the fifteen minute rule. We can stand each other for 15 minutes. Agreeing to disagree still works for us.
That rule sounds good and agreeing to disagree is what "the experts" recommend. The problems come when the disagreement gathers moss, mold, and resentment. In those cases, discussion is a must, and if you can't accomplish that, then you have a mess similar to mine! |
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Topic:
Can we still be friends?
Edited by
OkiHeadDoctor
on
Sun 02/03/13 04:33 AM
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I think clean (as can be) break. If you can be cool enough to each other to maintain a friendship, why in the heck did you break up in the first place?
Maybe that's to black and white, or to rigid thinking, but really? Clean break to see what it's like without that person. This way you can see for yourself how much a part of your life that person was. I too have seen folks split, and once they saw a big piece of themselves was missing, they got back together - usually for the better. |
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