Due to our vast cultural, educational, fiscal, social, spiritual… differences… (just to name a few)… it’s sometimes difficult to relate to others not from our similar environments… So…….

Subject #1… Do our parents hold sway?

To what degree of influence did/do our parents’ practices have over us, and the choices we make about who we bring home to meet them as a possible life partner? And… do we always respect their wishes, or do as we choose in contrast to them?

Subject #2… Do couples hold sway?

Likewise... To what degree of influence do couples have over the mindset and actions of each other? And… do we always respect the others wishes, or do we choose to live in contrast to them?

interesting thoughts athena.

on subject #1;
i do try and live by the principals my parents and their generation lived by, after all they did create strong family bonds and more often than not, lasted a lifetime. they created a sense of pride and personal responsibilities which, as i see it, does not seem to be happening with the current generations. they knew thing would not always be easy ( for better or worse ) and were willing to stick with it out of commitment and love for each other.

on subject #2;
with the ever increasing divorce rate ( or relationship break ups ) it seems very little. to me it seems like a constant battle, my way or the highway syndrome. people now a days think it is always suppose to be easy and when the least bit of difficulties arise, they head for the door.

in both subject matters, you will have the exceptions from time to time, kind of like the exception to the rules thing.

I wish I had a real answer for you on this one. I'm not certain I do, but I can relate a tale:

Question #1

While the influence of my parent wasn't ever a problem, my mother was always just happy to see me dating someone, I do remember the influence of my grandfather taking sway once. I had brought home the young lady I was dating my sophomore year in college to meet the family. She was a nice enough person, and to this day we are still friends and speak at least three times a year, so I can say I had some affection for this lovely young lady. Grandpa though, he saw something else. I say this because he pulled me aside and told me that I really shouldn't keep stringing along a girl I didn't love. That "an affair is alright when your young," but that I should find someone I "really loved."

I took his advice, and broke off the romance shortly after, though I will admit that she made it easy to do when I found her in bed with another man, but in truth he was right - I was just content to be with someone, anyone, at the time.

Question #2

I really don't feel I have the "real world experience" to answer this question with any certainty. For starters, I'm a throwback to a by-gone era when a man did whatever was necessary to make his partner happy. I've often felt that I've been lucky, on the few occasions when I had someone in my life, that we seemed to have the same desires and our actions rarely conflicted. However, when they did, I swallowed my pride, curbed my own wishes and opted to do as my significant other desired. I'm sure she did the same for me, but just in unspoken ways as well. Isn't sacrificing the desires of the self to put the desires of another ahead of yours what it's all about?

I have just started controlling everyone on this planet!!!

Good! See what you can do about getting me to eat a little better.

I love how you describe your families history, as these are the way things used to be... and I am curious to discover if very many people carry on their family traditions, or let them fall by the wayside in our modern times...

So, what I think I hear you saying is that there is no room for compromise anymore... now that women expect to be treated equally in all things, neither partner is willing to give in and take the lesser position of follower? So a stand off can eventually lead to break ups...

oh yes, when a young man is serious about a woman he brings her home to get the hand of, or the finger, from his family... so I'm glad your grandfather softened the blow for you before your friend decided to find another partner... just curious... did you ever reveal your grandfather's advice to your girlfriend before she cheated on you?

To me, yes... genuine love naturally evokes a genuine and willing sacrifice, with a happy heart...

My mother wants me to be practical in finding my husband. Me on the other hand wants a man whom i love and who will love me back. Im as stubborn as hell if she manipulates me.

thank you metalwing... I've needed a little extra guidance lately, as I sometimes allow my feminine foibles to get the better of me... but please be kind... we sensitive types can break easy under a strong hand...

aaahh yes, how well I recall my mother's attempt at manipulation.. it backfired every time... though some of her advice was dealt out with a dose of her own experience, as I'm sure your mother's is too, Winlei... and though never admitting it too her, I often found myself adhering to the advice she gave me...

Defiance in the face of danger comes to mind.

My parents, and for the most part the majority of my family, were all brought up with Christian values. As such, you can imagine that I was brought up the same way. In fact, I do believe in God, I pray, but I do not worship at a church because I have my issues with such. Right now, my parents understand that I will only go back to church should I ever choose to do so. I am sure they would like me to, but they realize that I am happy with my life and I am happy with my choices. I will give my parents a ton of credit for this because they have always used the method of allowing me to find my own my in life. Oh sure, when I was a kid and a teenager, they would guide me and they did a great job of "parenting". However, they allowed me to make my choices, to experience life; basically they let me figure out who I am (which I am still figuring out, lol). I know my family would welcome in any woman I was dating. I have seen them do it time and time again. At the core of it all, they simply want me to be happy. However, I can also say that if I told them I was gay or something, they would flip and more than likely they would abandon me, lol. Also, if I introduced them to an African American woman as the love of my life, I feel it would take them quite some time to deal with it. But the bottom line is that what matters is the woman who makes me happy. I do wish for my parents and family to accept her and I would hope to be accepted by her family. But at my age, all that petty stuff just does not matter to me. I would simply want to be happy, and if they couldn't see that she and I made each other happy, then screw em.

Basically I adopted a lot of the traits and values that I admired in my parents...And I took a different path when it came to religion and certain aspects of politics and other beliefs and traits.

okay...

yes, it does seem compromise has become a dirty 4 letter word .... lol

i don't think it can, could or should be blamed all on equality since equality is a good thing and was ( is ) much needed in a fair society. the term " individuality " is more of the culprit the way i see this issue and couple that with equality we now see people unable, unwilling to form lasting bonds as couples.

maybe it is a learning curve several generations will have to
endure before we are able to become long term couples again where
compromising isn't seen as being the weaker person but as a way to
be a loving couple striving towards common goals and future ?!?
also, maybe more time in the " courting " stage, learning about
each others wants, needs and beliefs, before trying to forge long term goals ?!?!

might be difficult in our time of " instant " gratification .... idk

I understand what you're saying, Goofball... as I too have been there and am doing that... and your families acceptance of your choices is as mine is too... so long as we're happy the same restrictions that applied 20 or 30 years ago are outdated through life's experiences... thank you for sharing yourself with us... it's nice to get to know more about you...

I love the basics, Greeneyes, keeps things simple...

I really don't see a few generations being able to repair the loss of gender identity... if for no other reason than the Scriptures tells us that "in the last days "true love will wax cold"... if you give credence to that theory... and yes I agree, the "courting stage" is vital in its ability to help us make healthier personal decisions...

you may be right on that, maybe a few hundred generations .... lol

but you do not have to " lose " your gender identity to achieve
equality although it does seem some so called " thinkers " are
trying to make things gender neutral by eliminating certain words
for our vocabulary and long standing behaviors that seem more
natural than of a nurtured variety. ( in Europe more so than here
but coming to a city near you if things continue )

we could easily embrace our natural difference while achieving
equality. at least i believe so, imho !

not going to get into the religious aspects of this. I'm more of an
agnostic/spiritual type, raised catholic person. i will say, there
are many scriptures that do seem to be baring fruit.

like they say, " there are no atheist's on their death beds " ... lol

No, that conversation was just between my grandfather and I... well and of course you good people here, but I trust you won't say anything.