Unfortunately, it takes people a while to get this joke....

Two blonds were walking down the street.

One had a bag in her hand. The other blond asks, " Hey, what's in the bag?"

"Chickens," the other replies.

"Check this out," the first blond says, "If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one of them?"

"Sure," the other replies, "you can have them both!"

The first blond squints her eyes, concentrates real hard, and guesses.....

"Five!"

"Doc it hurts all over!" a woman explains to the doctor.

"When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts! And when I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts !!"

The doctor just shakes his head and asks, " You're a natural blond aren't you?"

The woman smiles and says, "Why yes I am! How did you know that?"

The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken..."

for sure

Its a movie coming out called Soul Men....and the third guy in it with them was Samuel L. Jackson

Am I the only one that finds it SPOOKY that Isaac Hayes and Bernie Mac died within HOURS of each other right after they finished up a movie they did together?

Two old friends meet passing on the street one day, but one of them looked extremely depressed, almost on the verge of tears. His friend asked, "What had the world done to you?"

The sad fellow replied, "Well let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"That's not bad."

"But you see, two weeks ago, an aunt kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear..."

"Sounds like you should be grateful..."

"But you don't understand!" he interrupted. "Lasat week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."

Now he was really confused. "Then how come you look so glum?"

"This week....nothing!"

Two elderly ladies were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. Even though the light was red, they went on through.

The passenger thought, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we went through that red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and they went through another red light. This time the passenger was almost certain that the light was red, but was also worried about whether she herself was losing it or not. She was getting nervous and promised to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection.

Sure enough, at the next intersection, the light was definitely red, and of course, they went right through. The passenger turned to the driver and said, "Mildred!! Did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have gotten us killed!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

A young woman, wearing a tight leather miniskirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket, was waiting for the city bus.

When the young woman stepped up to board the bus, she quickly realized that her skirt was too tight. the embarrassed young woman reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little. she hoped this would give her enough slack to climb the stairs onto the bus. Much to her chagrin, though, that didn't help.

A big Texan, who was in line behind the embarrassed young lady, gently lifted her from the waist and helped her onto the bus.

As expected the young woman went ballistic,. and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him, "How dare you touch me! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but since you were unzippin' my fly, I kinda figured that we was friends!"

begging to get hit with the 2x4, huh?

LMAO.....stop <gasp>...can't breath...my sides hurt.

Still glowing in ecstasy, a mother waits at the bus stop with her newborn.

"That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!," the bus drivers says as she boards the bus. The mother slams the money into the farebox and proceeds to the back of the bus.

"The nerve of that driver, insulting me as he did!" she says aloud.

The man next to her says, "He did that? That isn't right...something should be done about that"

The woman says, "You're right, I'm going to give that bus driver a piece of my mind!"

"You do that," the man states. "Here, let me hold your monkey for you."

What's going on here?

She ALWAYS has her way in my pants.

I HATE when they do that!!

Control freaks, intolerance, profiling, stereotypes, and those who attempt to force their egocentric views upon others just about does it for me.

Yes, it really is all me in my pants