I still watch on occasion, depends on who's on the card

I'm gonna git you sucka

Light up

Start withholding the taxes

Believes in wiping from front to back

Stanley Cup

I pay bills for a living

I hardly ever sleep anymore...

*Caratacus strolls into the Inn, looking tired and road weary again, although not so weary as the last time he visited. He moves to his favorite chair by the side of the hearth, props his staff against a nearby table and tips his chair back against the stone.
He scrutinized the menu on his way in and realised that, being Earth-oriented, he probably wouldn't enjoy the fish, having been born and raised in the woodlands and eaten meat and vegetables all of his life.*

"Calliope...Boromir!", He calls loudly, "It is I, Caratacus, lately returned from another trip in the outlying lands. I am famished and parched, I don't want fish but would enjoy some of the steamed vegetables and some bread and brew."

*He sniffs the air and suddenly notices a huge war dog looking at him with his head cocked to one side. Without moving from his relaxed sitting position, he addresses the animal directly.*

"Hello, Brother Dog. Do not take my raised voice to mean that I am here to make trouble. I hope that you do not object to my sharing the other end of the hearth with you..." He offers the back of his hand to the great hound for inspection. The huge animal sniffs inquisitively, then snuffs out a great puff of air from his nostrils. Satisfied that Caracatus is a fellow creature of the land and no threat, he returns to his watchful position, gazing around the Inn before lowering his huge head back onto his paws.

*Caratacus sniffs the air again and recognizes a faint scent of another animal of the land, not that of the Great Hound but something distinctly different...something...feline. Glancing quickly around the in and seeing nothing resembling a cat of any kind, he dismisses the scent as that of a cat that had probably wandered into the Inn and spying the war dog, departing quickly but leaving a lingering scent. He looks again in the direction of the kitchen as his stomach rumbles in protest of its emptiness.*
"Calliope? Boromir? By the Gods, what does a man have to do to get something to eat in this Inn?" Maybe I should go to the Red Lantern, he thinks...but being so tired, he decides to wait a few minutes before stirring himself again. Within a few minutes, he is snoring in his chair, balanced on the back two legs, as usual.

Go ahead and rate my profile.
Is the humor lame?
Is what I'm saying in the asides too quirky?

Keep in mind that I speak exactly the way that I write and can be pretty off the wall, I wouldn't want to give a false impression of being all serious and down to Earth when I'm not.

I've been a software developer for 12 years now and that's bound to make you seem a little odd to the mainstream population.
That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it...

Mentally turn your back and walk away, keep occupied so you don't think about the person in question.

48. Banana trees are not trees. They are roots
49. Peanuts are not nuts. They are legumes
50. Tomatoes are not vegetables. They are fruits

Raspberries are the only fruit with their seeds on the outside

58. Gently cradling a strangers testicles is not an acceptable greeting anywhere in the European Union.

58a. Walking up to a woman and gently squeezing both of her breasts twice while holding your hands in a palm-down position and saying loudly, "Hoonk, Hooonk!" is not an acceptable greeting anywhere in the world.

39. If you didn't have knees, you wouldn't be able to sit down.

This is not technically correct. You'd be able to sit down just by bending at the hips and falling into the chair. Getting up might be impossible tho'.

72. Some people have entirely too much time on their hands and post long lists of useless facts. This is not average

On my way. . .


I'll put the potatoes in the oven now, so they'll be ready by the time you get here...

It's a French-Canadian thing, too. We start planning on Thursday, tho'...

Anything goes with pot roast, trust me, I've even served it with German spahtzel noodles and gravy with baby peas.

I'm having Louisiana style BBQ ribs, okra and roasted potato wedges tonight. There's plenty to share, if anybody wants some instead of pot roast. And yes, the sauce on the ribs is homemade and not from a bottle.

True, at least in my experience and with the particular ladies that I have had knowledge of.
It's true that in my 20's my g/f for awhile was an awesome lover and totally uninhibited, I found that my lover in my 30's had learned to relax a bit more. My most recent 40 something lovers did indeed both have "the libido of a 17 year old boy" plus comfort and technique gained from experience and that combination, my friends, cannot be beat!

Probably using a DialUp connection and not cable.