What's up?
Down under?

If it's you.

We've got to get you hooked up with someone.
Who will it be? How about Peccy?

Didn't love them, just felt sorry for them.

The humidity getting you down already?
Went for a hike today and noticed that.
And it's still April.
Even the dogs that were with us couldn't take it.

I'm here.

You're not stupid
too many people
doing too many things
with too many hangups
and too many preferences
resulting in way too many possible combinations
before finding the right one
that even a super computer couldn't figure it out.

Yeah, your soda water is on top of your gin
which is on top of your vodka
that is on top of your run
and you probably have a layer of absinthe
in the bottom of the glass.

kiwi fruit

When my kids were little we lived in a country where fathers take a bath with their kids. In fact they have lots of nude public baths. Only screwed up Americans are up tight about this stuff. Too much religion.

You can use it on poison ivy, too but a little salt helps dry it out. I don't think you'd want the salt for the douche.

I have a daughter so it's old stuff.

Only you.

Go to another planet where it's easier to find a match.

WOW, any plumber who was married to one of these women wouldn't have to buy supplies gain except for copper pipe.

dubya dufus dumbfuk
aka
Goerge II King of Texas
and some small Texas town's missing idiot
and his sidekick
prickhead Cheney

2 cinnamon rolls with orange juice

divorced???
_______________________________________
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin."

"What ?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband #2 was in Software Services; He was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

" Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver

"Husband #5 was an Engineer ; he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband #9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
.
"Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was............. God I miss him !!!

"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?

"You're with the " GOVERNMENT ". . This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee, while another foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tees.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it ten feet. She goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet. She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f--king lessons I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it, you should have taken golf lessons instead!"

He never even had a chance to duck.

liven things up a little.
_____________________________________________________
Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we'll have a bit to eat.' The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all sa fes were opened.

They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with no thing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach

The newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...