I really appreciate all your support. Thank you so very very much

I'm going to try this out... I am struggling with a few things and I'm extremely uncomfortable now, even though you are all complete strangers who are hardly connected to my life. Even now, its hard to admit.

The 4th week in may is one I dread. May 22... an "anniversary", for lack of better words. When I was 17, I was raped by a 29 yr old. I had been a virgin. This is hard enough to deal with, and its taken a lot of time to get where I am now. It took me about 6 months to tell a single soul... and then I grew stronger to confide in a handful of my closest dearest friends. As I grow older, the nightmares are less frequent. I am 20 years old. I have not been an adult for long, but I have become at least comfortable and responsible enough to confide in the men I have serious relationships with, because it affects my relationships as well, though I try hard to not let it.

I am with a very kind and intelligent young man now. He is 5 years my senior, and my rock. I shared with him my secret early in our relationship, and he took me under his wing. Now, almost a year later... its the first time he experiences may 22 with me. He and I have come a long way, and I am already proud at how far I've come... but I think he is getting sick of dealing with me and my nightmares, my come-n-go timidness, and so on and so forth. Like at first he was supportive, and now hes over it, and expects me to be too.

But I have a secret, just as painful as my original secret. It happened twice. A young man I dated, became one of my closest friends. We confided much in each other, and he was the first person I told. Ironically... a few months later.. he repeated the act. It wasnt violent or brutal. But he knew Id be too scared to do anything, and he took advantage. That is my secret. And its not just the first that hurts me, but the second as well.

I wish he knew.
No replies are necessary. I just had to practice..

I just want to say... that the poor guy didnt get to leave until like 130 last night.. which means I didnt get to bed until then.

boo.

And I got up super early to meet my friends in lansing. We are bridesmaids on a mission. But I just got back, and now im going to work.

Oh well. It'll make the sleep THAT much better tonight

What I've learned in the first 7 minutes of scrubs:

Cleavage can get you a delicious slice of chocolate cake.

Ive had a long day at work.. I come home and there is a huge leak in my apartment. ts 11pm... now there is a stranger here, "fixing" it. There is a washer/dryer in the middle of my kitchen. There is water all over the kitchen floor and the carpet. I just want the water absorbed and the maintenance guy gone so I can go to bed.

Instead, I am in "lounge-wear", as opposed to my super comfortable, yet slightly revealing pjs... and Im just chillin watching scrubs.


Gah.

thank you for reading my rant

hahaha

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

thats my favorite

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays in order to have them published and sent out for the amusement of other teachers across the country.

Recent winners:



1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled around inside his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the kind of wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who goes blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.


9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.



12. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling west at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. traveling east at a speed of 35 mph.


13. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

15. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River .


16. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.


17. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

18. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.


19. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.


20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

"Nothings wrong" means any of the following:
-nothing is wrong
-nothing is wrong, why do you think somethings wrong. now somethings wrong
-something is wrong, but its too painful to say
-something is wrong, ask me a more specific question to get a more specific answer
-something is wrong, and I dont want to talk about it. period.
-something is wrong, but im scared to talk to you about it
-something is wrong, and I want you to figure it out yourself
-something is wrong, and I want you to read my mind

and so on and so forth.......

hope so.. lol

I love a man who landscapes (and manscapes)

my grandmother loves poppies.. she has paintings of them all over her house

My bad...

Okay... so I'm the kind of girl who puts on makeup to go to sleep. I do it even if I'm by myself... because I would rather sleep in makeup (which is not good for my skin) than wake up to a knock on the door (the likeliest of scenarios...) and scare whoever is there. Yeah.. thats really unhealthy. Im totally nuts. Its common knowledge that I'm not perfect. I have many flaws... but I would/will go to EXTREME lengths to cover myself up and hide. I think thats what it is... I hide behind makeup. I wish I were beautiful, I wish someone would tell me I'm beautiful when I dont look so fantastic. I get compliments on being cute and fun, like at work. I dont know why I think its so important... but I wish I were beautiful so badly...

I also like to wear a lot of layers. I wear like 2 tank tops, a shirt, and then a zip-up-whatever over it. It makes me feel safe. Im always trying to cover and protect myself. I hate feeling exposed, or vulnerable. Really... I'm just a jumbled ball of fear and I am completely terrified of being hurt. I understand how ridiculous that is.. because pain is inevitable. Its a part of life.. without pain and suffering, I would never learn to appreciate happiness or when everything goes well. But being hurt HURTS... and every time it happens... I don't know if I would survive it it happened again.

Like once upon a time, I was completely fearless. You know how children are before they know any better? I was like that until I was like 16... lol. Completely fearless. I owned the world. But slowly (and inevitably, I guess..) things happened. I took plenty of risks, and got hurt. And every time it happened, it broke me a little more. Some were huge hurts, some were little tiny tweaks of pain. I dont know... I just feel so... broken. I feel like I have to protect whatever is left of me to the death...

I need help.

my bad...

I think there are appropriate flowers for certain occasions.

I think the flowers that smell the best are lilies of the valley... I love them.. and they are SUPER hard to buy

I think the ultimate "I love you" flowers are orchids.. they are just so unique and delicate and beautiful.

The perfect "looks-good-when-you-put-them-in-a-vase-and-show-them-off" flowers are roses (preferably yellow, my fav) or daffodils.

But gerbera daisies are the best pick-me-up flower, for a girl thats a little blue.

Mmmmmmmmm I love flowers

Mmmmm everybody likes cheese


...except for those who are lactose intolerant

OMG! i had to write a descriptive essay for my senior comp class.... and we had to pick a topic and write about how to tell if its "good" or "bad". My first draft was about music.... but i quickly learned that it was just to vague... so many angles.

So,..... *snicker*.... i wrote about cheese. It is so informative and funny! In my intro i included "So, how does one know if cheese is gouda or bad?"

haha... and then in the conclusion i wrote "Once you learn how to tell good cheese from bad cheese, it’s a bries!"

Im so creative sometimes.

Oh my... men ARE sexy in the kitchen! One day, he and I were babysitting for some of his co-workers kids and he decided he wanted bacon. Well.. Ive been a vegetarian most of my life, and though I eat some meat now to be healthy.. I refuse to touch, look at, and certainly cook bacon. *cringe*... but he wanted it bad enough.. so I gave him some direction and he tried... the whole apartment smelled like bacon and he burnt some of it... but I had never been so attracted to him in my life. I was not happy that there were kids over, or I would have taken him right then and there. lol

haha...awe..... too true... such a man thing to do... or just keep going out and buying new over and over

Thats SO true! His mom babied him so much... she did everything for him until the day he moved out... he has to learn that Im not his mother... hes not my son. hes supposed to be my equal, my partner. I feel bad when I get on his case about it... I almost feel selfish for asking for help.

Who is supposed to make dinner? Should he, just because hes home by dinner time... or should I because I "dont work as much" as he does?