Thats exactly where the problem lies...the dad...i know it sounds funny but I pretty much raised my younger brothers and their dad was in and out. We went through the same thing...you need to get him into therapy. It is an emotional detachment he is going through. Now it is not about catering to the Dad it should of never been. He is either there for his children or he is not. Don't let him walk in and out of the kids lives,...it just causes emotional and mental trauma.

I hope you work all out.

Im myself!!!! a BHD!!!!
the ones that cant pay attention are the ones that cant keep up!!!!

if i was the one who did the breaking up then no it wouldnt bother me. i would want them to go on and be happy and hope that they would want the same for me.

Was with my son too. Does your son like cartoons? My son loved Pokemon, so I would tell him he had to do this paper, then he could watch this program. Its flat out bribery, but for my son it worked. I got what I wanted, he got what he wanted. It was still a fight, but not as big a one all the time (my aunts who have been teachers for 40+ years each had that idea)

Honey give yourself time. You are the mother of a newborn you will learn what you need as time goes by. Rest put your feet up when every that little snort closes his peepers and the feeling overwhelmed will fade. Look for a New Mom's support group and you will make friends and things will be much easier. You may need some perspective if all you siblings are special needs. If your baby is fine you will be the light of the world to your Mom but she will help you when you really need it is my guess. You can do this. That you are concerned tells me your heart is in the right place...(((HUGS)))

Another resource is the school itself. Most mental diabilities fall under the disabilities act. Even if he's not in any type of special ed, the schools should have some things for you, unfortunately you sometime have to pester them. Also try your states web site, even the city's.

What I learned with my son is sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles with him. My son, it was a fight to get him up in the morning, dressed, and to take his meds. So having clothes that matched, not worth the fight to me. You have to decide what is important to you.

Would names, addresses, book lists be helpful?

shshs ya still talking to someone that is no longer here lol OP has deactivated lol

only once with my son.And that was when his room was so bad,I cleaned it.Never found anything that was out of the norm.Raised my kids to talk to me about anything.And boy,Some thmes i wish they would leave some things out.No need to not trust.They would empty there back packs for me if i want them to.

I just wanna echo those words..as I have so much respect for those who work in this field. And Lisa, although I knew this was what you do..I don't think I've ever had the chance to tell YOU how I feel. There have been so many times that I've contemplated trying to get involved myself, but to be honest..am unsure I could handle such a challanging work AND home life.

I don't keep it a secret, but I'm not really outspoken to often about my son either..at least, not about our difficulties. My son is 12, currently diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, and Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder. The BPD is questionable, as he has well defined cycles..but atypical symptoms. He does not now, nor has he ever benefited from the BPD mood stabilizors and no two doctors agree, however the diagnosis remains. My son, at this point cannot be safely cared for in a home environment..at least not by a single mom of two, working full time..as he needs full time monitoring for his own safety and therefore lives in a Residential Treatment center. At this point, it's unknown what will happen in 2 years when he "ages out" of the RTC. The most likely outcome will be a slightly less restrictive group home, but I continue to fight to have him at home as much as possible. After almost 3 years at the RTC, he is now able to spend time alone with me, at home or out in the community..although time is limited as my daughter cannot be present during those visits unless there are two adults present.

The most frustrating issue with having a special needs child, is the stereotypes that are placed on them. My son is outgoing, makes friends easily, does very well in school (is not delayed), etc. If you met him on the street and had not read these words, you would have no reason to think that he is anything other than a "normal" 12 year old boy, and everyone that spends time with him, understands why this kid is worth all the extra effort.

I've been really lucky to have found some incredible friends (and one amazing guy, who has my heart)who support me, encourage me, and help me get through.

Thank you, I am sure we all, as parents of the special needs kids know this well. It is so nice to hear it from someone. Thanks.

If you are looking for special kids resources my best advice is just let your mail box be your friend. When ever you see a blurb in the newspaper, on tv, the puter make a note and follow back to get on mail lists.

I would recommend useing a P.O.Box. Occasionally you will get kookies that will see your name on a list and send you creepy stuff. Throw it out and don't let it get to you. Not posting your home address also keeps your house from getting robbed for medical equipment or drugs.

Being on lists will get you solicited for donations but ignore what you won't or can't afford. Be really careful if you see a look alike organization or so called charity. Many are for profit of only the administrators and there are no real services. If they want you to pay a search fee it is probably a rip off. Keep in mind you do NOT have to pay for anything you do not order. A lot of what is sent by shister's you already paid for by your taxes anyway. Tons of information for people with disabilities is printed every year as public information at tax payers expense. Many of these books are available through inter library loans if you get the ISBN numbers or available in medical libraries so you don't have to spend money you don't have to throw around. Many support groups sell the books which is not a bad thing if you frequently need a quick reference but you can usually just borrow one from a long standing member. Look at the catolog form from Pueblo Colo on your tax return. BUT there are may long standing support organizationa that are HUGE HELP. Sometimes they are based on one aspect of your child's conglomeration of symptoms but some are comprehensive. Don't be afraid to cross over to a group that has the population to support activities even if it isn't exactly your child's disability. You can still learn a lot, make peer friends, and often be included. Some of the power houses like Association of Retarded Citizens, National Federation for the Blind, The Multiple Sclerosis Society, Spina Bifida, Easter Seals, National Alliance For the Mentally Ill have been around for generations. Adult's and Children With Learning Disabilities is at least 30 years old. These organizations have seen fads; treatments, and psycho-babble come and go and they can tell you if something is just a pipe dream or has real potential. Often they know about clinical trials and cutting edge treatments. Or free or subsidized programs. They will know the doctors that specialize in your situation. This is especially helpful in getting people to listen to you about your child's needs. They can give you names of people to be on your team when you have to take on school situations or hospitalizations.

Join a National organization. For the money, usually just a tiny amount, you will get a monthly magazine or newsletter filled with useful info. Most will send you at least a free sample copy. Often they have great materials to educate you, your friends, their teacher's, grand parents, or neighbors. Many on line sites have directories,addresses, and sometimes annual calendars of activities, and chat rooms for you the siblings, and even the consumer. As any group I would monitor what your kid is being told but often it is friendly, positive support and encouragement to do what doctors and parents recommend. As a parent you can learn from experienced adults who have your child's issues what it is really like for your child. It can often be a real eye opener.

Go to a regional conference for Special Needs Parents. Usually the Department of Health and Mental Retardation funds them. Don't get caught up in the name Governments are not making judgements when they are funding they just can't afford a seperate agency for every exceptional child. And they offer scholarships to go. They usually have tons of freebies. You will be blown away by the number of cool people you will meet. Only a select few you can take your child too so you have to plan ahead. Parents sometimes double up and make it a family vacation or at least carpool. I have even seen churches or Salvation Army find volunteers to get you there. Red Cross often helps these programs with staffing or facilities.

Look in your phone book in the blue government pages or even the yellow pages. Look for United Way First Call for Help. Make a list of your needs and call them. You will be amazed. It is free.

Look for what is called the D D Council or Developemental Disabilities Council of your states Health and Welfare system. They are federally funded and all their stuff is free. They usually know about stuff further in advance so you can plan to attend. They often do write ups so you can actually get to know the programs and people staffing them.

Contact your child's school counselor. She usually has a list of special events but you have to give her permission to give out your address.
Confidentiality is a major barrier to you getting information. You have to tell/ask people in writing to refer you.

Often churches tend to have programs. If you want to stay in your faith base go up to the regional or higher levels to see what you can't find locally. If you are willing to cross faith lines talk to your Ministerial Alliance. It can be very helpful in finding and accessible church in many ways.

Sometimes you have to do what I call dropping a bottle in the ocean. Write an upbeat one page letter about your child and their need (s) include a photo and send it to everyone you even remotely know. Often people do not know how to help and simply by telling them there is a specific need the response is overwhelming.

Don't waste your time asking for money but be prepared to accept money in a designated managed trust account. They can be very specific and don't have to cost a fortune to set up. Most banking manager's will be glad to research if for you. Handled the right way funds will not screw up entitlements and people who wouldn't cross the street for you will help your kid. It is also a great stress reliever knowing you have something set up for their future.


If you are looking for the special retail opportunities look on the store public information bullentin board and talk to the store manager. Call or contact their web sites.

My mom didnt do that but if she wanted to she could have. My mom was in charge,in command, and in control of everything. What momma said was the law of the land.

yep i just found some cocaine in my two year olds teddy bear