A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital. The doctor
asked,
"What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us having sex?" The doctor looked puzzled,but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you had sex," and charged them $.300.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an
appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Oberoi charges $2500, Prestige charges $2000, LeMeridien charges $1500. We do it here for $300, and I get $ 250 back from MediClaim insurance."`

Three nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.
He says "Sisters, you all lived such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
He reads the paper and starts laughing.

He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

johnny asks grandpa: "do u still hv sex with granma?"
granpa says : "yes, but only oral."
johny : "whats oral?"
granpa : "i say f*** u, she says f*** u too"

==============
Tony to mandira , pointing towards her
assets: "thats a gorgeous
dairy farm u have"
mandira: "its not a dairy farm, its a poultry farm. it
has never failed to
raise a ****"


=========
a kid asked the priest "father, what is your pastime?"
the priest tapped the kid's shoulder and replied"
"Nun, my child, nun"

=======
man at medical shops wants viagra.
says "give extra dose, 3 girls are coming"
next day he wants pain relieving cream.
chamist asks "why, what happened?"
man "the girls didn't come"

sex is like a restaurant.
sometimes u get full satisfactory service,
and sometimes you have to be satisfied with
"self-service"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

one night a boy asked his girlfriend: "darling r u
free tonight"
his girlfriend shouted and replied "have i ever
charged u before?"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

**** and cat were crossing a bridge.
cat slips and falls into river.
**** can't stop laughing.

moral of the story?
wherever there is a wet *****, there's a happy ****.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

sardar: my 5 year old son is very naughty. he has made
my maid pregnant.
doctor: how the hell is that possible?
sardar: he took a pin and punched holes in all my
condoms without me knowing


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

husband climbs to bed naked.
wife: i have a headache.
husband: perfect, i have powdered my d**k with
aspirin. do you want to take
it orally or as injection?

HOW TO MAKE "LOVE CAKE"

INGREDIENTS:

2 laughing eyes
2 loving arms
2 well shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 fur lined mixing bowl
2 large nuts
1 large banana

METHOD:

1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Fold into loving arms.
3. Spread well shaped legs.
4. Squeeze and massage milk containers gently, until fur lined
bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
5. Add banana - work in and out until well creamed.
6. Cover with nuts and sigh with relief.

Cake done when banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing
utensils and do not lick the bowl. (You can just taste it before
putting banana).

IF CAKE BEGINS TO RISE, LEAVE TOWN IMMEDIATELY!

A husband told his doctor that his wife hadn't had sex with him for seven months. The physician told the guy to bring his wife into the office for a private talk.
When the wife arrived, the doctor asked her about her libido. "Well, doctor," she replied, "the truth is that I take a cab to work every morning and the cabbie always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?'"
"We don't have much money so I always give him an 'or what.' That makes me late for work and my boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary or what?' I always give him the 'or what.' By the time I get home, I don't feel like having sex anymore."
"Hmmmmm," the doctor replied, "I see.... so, are we going to tell your husband about your problem, or what?"

Santa was walking down the street when he bumped into his old friend Banta.
Banta, "Hii, long time no see, what have you been upto ?"
Santa, "Nothing much got married 4 months ago"
Banta, "Really! how is it?"
Santa, "Okay I guess..she cooks, cleans, and sleeps next to me"
Banta knowing Santa as being a bit daft asks, "Sleeps next to you only nothing done?"
Santa, "Nothing like what ?"
Banta thinks for a bit and says invite me to your place today and I`ll show you and Santa agrees.
After they had a meal Banta suggests to Santa to go hide in the bedroom cupboard and peep through the keyhole.
Santa goes into the cupboard and Banta goes for Santa`s wife, Jeeto,
since she has waited for so long it took Banta no time to get her into bed. After they`d finished screwing each other`s brain`s out Jeeto went to wash-up and Santa came out.
Banta asked, "Did you see what I did. That`s what YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO DO!"
Santa Shakes his head to say he understood and Banta leaves. A few weeks later again Banta Bumps into Santa.
Banta, "So, how`s it going? Are you doing what I showed you to do"
Santa, "YEAH!! now EVERYDAY I bring someone in and hide in to cupboard!!!!"

I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass

Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.

Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.

Mental anxiety,
Mental breakdowns,
Menstrual cramps,
Menopause...
Did you ever notice how all women's problems begin with MEN!


Guys are like parking spots...
the good ones are always taken...
and the ones that are available,
are either handicapped or too far away!!

Banta was sitting at a bar, having beer and staring at the attractive young lady a few chairs away. Finally he got the nerve to walk over to her, sit down, and offer to buy her a drink. She accepted, but seemed uninterested in his company. Try as he might to be clever, he couldn't get a conversation going. Finally, in frustration, the young woman turned to him. "I know you're a nice guy, and I don't want to offend you, but I'm a lesbian" she said.
Undazed by the remark, Banta asked: "What's that?"
"You see that girl at the end of bar?" she asked. "I'd like to walk down there, rip her clothes off, and bury my head in her muff!"
When she turned back around to face Banta, he looked very confused. "What's wrong?" she asked.
He responded: "I think I'm a lesbian too!"

Sometimes I see people online but the Button "Instant Messaging" is not displayed. Why is that? No I am not blocked for those Users as I can email them :). Is this a issue on their side or mine?