In the interests of energy conservation,the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

Wild Bill says, Nurse I have serious problem.
Nurse, Ok sir what's the problem?
Wild Bill says, Promise you won't laugh?
Nurse, As a Professional I would never do that.
So Wild Bill drops his pants.
Nurse looked down and giggled a little bit then busted out laughing.
Nurse, Sir I'm so sorry that should of never happened, but she looked again and started laughing again, because this Grown *** Man had a Penis the size of a AAA Battery.
She Composed herself then asked, What is the matter?
Wild Bill says, It's Swollen!
Nurse left the room.

I'm a man trapped in a woman's body.
Superglue and lube look very similar in the dark......

Good luck as you're going to need it on here

Been on here just over a month and have reported and blocked about 700 people

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

Hi Andrea.
Welcome to Mingle2 and get mingling.
Be smart and be safe and if you are not sure about someone you can always block them.

Welcome Jennifer.
Please feel free to message me

A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy
and waves her new football in his face.
The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"
But the next day, the little girl has the same bike.
The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points
to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims,
"My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."

In an attempt to use sex to encourage me to do some jobs in and around the house, my wife walked up to me and said, "I'll make you a deal. You go outside and cut the hedges, and I'll shave my *****"...

I replied, "Don't be stupid. We can't both use the hedge trimmer at once"...!!!

A man walks into a sperm bank and declares, "I'm of royal blood and an I.Q of 165, I'd like to make a donation".
The nurse gives him a sealed cup and directs him to a private room.
20 minutes later the man hasn't come out, the nurse knocks on the door. "Is there a problem?"
"I'm so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. I poured cold water on it and hot water on it. Could you help me?"
The nurse replied, "I don't usually do this but you are kinda cute..."
She gets on her knees and begins to blow him.
"I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the jar!"

LMFAO THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady, 'Do you have a vagina?'
She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, 'Do you have a vagina'?
She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, 'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again'. The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it'. She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. 'Do you have a vagina'?
'Yes' she says.
The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'

Go into account settings and follow instructions there

I saw six men playing football with a cat the other day.
Just as I was about to ring the RSPCA,the cat scored the first goal.

My girlfriend
invited me to her house,
but I found her sister
alone
in the house,
wearing nothing
lying on the sofa,
she was unbelievably sexy,
she whispered in my ear "I
have feelings for
you, shall we have sex?"
I immediately turned
around and walked to the
front door to go to my
car,
I found my girlfriend and
my entire future family
standing
outside,
clapping hands
with tears in his eyes,
my girlfriend's father
hugged
me and said: "we are very
happy that you
have passed our little
test,
we couldnt have asked for
a better man for our
daughter, you've won
my trust!,
welcome to the family"
Moral of the story... always
keep condoms in
your car

A divorce lawyer representing a wealthy art collector called his client.

"Andrew, I have some good news, and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met your wife today, and she informed me that she had just invested £5000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of £15 million to £20 million, and I think she could be right."

Andrew replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary"

Go into your account settings and make sure you've not got them hidden

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband, "I must confess, darling, I used to be a hooker."

He says, "That's alright, dear. Your past is your past but, I must admit, I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it."

She replies, "Well, my name was Nigel and I played for Wigan."