A day in the life of a Facebook online admin:
(Saw this in another group and just had to copy it!)
Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb on Facebook?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jackasses.
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
249 to post meme's and gif's.
19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
12 to post F.
8 to ask what F means.
16 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
7 to ask if the brands of light bulbs used are worth the money.
19 to tell them that if they like the light bulbs, buy them.
5 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
13 to comment "Me too".
5 to post to the page that they will no longer post or are leaving because they cannot handle the $!%cking light bulb controversy.
6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
22 to ask if there is a flounce in progress.
349 to post flounce memes.
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb.
4 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

Hello and welcome aboard

Their debut song I will Follow

As me and my gert headed off on a romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do to each other. She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed."
So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

Hello Mikey!!!!!
Welcome aboard

Click on Account and then click on edit photo's and remove from there

Hello,

Will someone rate my profile please and I'll make any relevent changes needed.

Thank you

The subject of giving out too much information on these social network sites brings me to a true story. There was a young schoolgirl who did just that and got chatting to who she thought was a schoolboy of her own age and they struck up a good friendship. She'd discuss all her hobbies,school activities,what she did when arriving home from school and waiting for her parents to come home after work. Information like the city she lived in,the school team she played for and even the colour of the kit that the team wore. One day the man she'd been chatting to was able to go and watch the team play and then follow her home to where she lived. In actual fact this man was a police officer whose job it was to make the internet a safer place for children. This man waited for her parents to arrive home before visiting the house to have a talk with them. Her parents were horrified by the amount of information she had given. When she was called from her room they said "This is Paul who you've been chatting to". The girl said it can't be as he is the same age as myself until the police officer told her the full story. The internet can be a very dangerous place for unsupervised children.
This girl had a very lucky escape whereas many others don't

Do not read whilst drinking anything ;-) ♥How To Give A Cat A Pill



1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.



2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.



3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.



4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.



5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.



6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.



7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.



8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.



9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.



10 Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, andclose door on neck, leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.



11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.



12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap



13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.



14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.



15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How To Give A Dog A Pill



1. Wrap it in bacon.



2. Toss it in the air.

What is this life if full of care

We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep, or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this, if full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.



William Henry Davies 1871 - 1940

Desiderata - by Max Ehrmann



Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.



As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.



If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.



Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.



Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.



Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.



Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.



With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.



Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.



Max Ehrmann c.1920

Click on "View all my mutual matches" and then there will be an "x" above each one for you to delete