A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator.
"What are you doing?" asked the mother.
"Mom, I'm 40 years old and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married, so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room, found his daughter using the vibrator.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.
His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I'm 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married, so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head.
The next day, the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator in the other, watching a football game on TV.
"What on earth are you doing?" she cried.
The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm going? I'm having a beer and watching football with my son-in-law!"

hmm
may bee
buzz

eee...warn me next time b4 u sit 2 lunch nell,and ill try 2 figure something out 4 ya

A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asked.
"About as hard as my d++k," he replies.
To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"

haha
how confident cooly

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding on the range one day. The two came to a stop, where Tonto jumped off his horse and put his head on the ground to listen to see if anyone was coming.
After a few seconds he rose and said, "Buffalo come."
The Lone Ranger was amazed and proclaimed "Damn you Indians are smart, how the hell did you know there were buffaloes coming?"
Tonto replied, "Face sticky."

g day 336
not my favorite number again!!
when will u guess?

A young boy goes to the zoo with his father. As they are passing the elephant exhibit the youngster looks over at the elephant.
After a few seconds he turns to his Dad and asks "Dad, what's that hanging down from the elephant?"
His father replies "That's his trunk son."
"No, no, Dad," says the boy, "at the back."
"Oh, that's his tail" replies his father.
"No, Dad," the boy says, "Between his legs."
The father looks over and replies "That's his penis, son."
The young lad thinks about the answer for a minute, and then says to his father "Last week Mommy told me that was nothing."
"Well son," replies his father, "You have to remember that your mother is a very spoiled woman."

woof wooofff...
/rolls over
doggies are nice

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one.
"Well, not exactly." his friend replied, "she's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."

what cums down must cum around?
not sure how much id like that

A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This isn't a real bank, it's a sperm bank."
He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."
She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."
After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is her husband.
He says, "Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?"

an old but good one

up sounds good

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact. "Mary... Mary..."
Awestruck, Mary responds, "Is that you Fred?"
"Yes, I have come back like we agreed."
"Well, what is it like?"
Fred excitedly tells his tale, "Well, when I get up in the morning I have sex, then I have breakfast, then I have sex again, then I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice more, then I have lunch, then I have sex all afternoon and into the early evening, until bedtime. And, then, I start all over again the next day."
So happy Mary says, "Oh Fred, you surely must be in heaven."
Fred replies, "Hell no, Mary, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."

For decades two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven and approached the statues.
"You've been such exemplary statues," the angel announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly could be heard a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"

good one frannie

i wish!

by my expirience its more a womens thing

ah,at least he noticed
big step for a man