hey i just posted in the general discussions forum...but i just realized that this is probably a better place for me to post with my issue. i just need someone to talk to about something personal. i dont necessarily need advice, just someone to listen...although im open to accepting advice...so please message me if you're a good listener. i cant talk about it in here.

hey. i havent posted on here for awhile. i havent logged into this site for over a month actually...im sorry if you've written to me and i havent responded. I think some of my messages got deleted too. anyway, im going through something serious right now. i need someone to talk to who doesnt know me. id rather it be a female, but if you're a male and think you're a good listener, that could be helpful too. its too personal for me to post up here, but if someone can message me offering me a listening ear, that would be great.

That's strange that she doesn't like kissing. I have heard of that before...she just has a problem with intimacy. This is probably digging deeper into the problem than it needs to, but you mentioned that she cries when you tell her she's a good girlfriend...have you ever wondered if she has a history of sexual abuse? Maybe your girl is scared of that type of intimacy. I'm probably overanalyzing this, but i volunteered at a sexual abuse crisis center and this issue wasn't uncommon...some girls wouldn't be able to kiss someone because they couldn't bring themselves to have that intimacy with someone after being violated. also, they think it's their fault and feel they dont deserve to be with a good guy (which would explain her crying). The fact that she said she's disliked kissing for 10 years implies that something happened to her 10 years ago. Once again, I don't mean to judge her, it's just a theory. If this isn't the case and if you really like her, I wouldn't suggest dropping her because of this. It might just be one of those things you have to accept. Just like some people dont like cuddling... she just may not like kissing.

I know some girls who have had several partners and legitimately dislike sex. It's not that uncommon...some women just aren't into it. It could be a result of them not being emotionally ready or a traumatic experience in their past. Sometimes it has nothing to do with their partners.

Has she been kissed before? I just got my first real kiss last year. Before that, there was this amazing guy that was really into me and he wanted to be my boyfriend and we spent a lot of time together. Whenever he would try to kiss me, I'd turn him down even though I liked him. The truth was, I was waiting for the right moment and it just never felt right. Also, I was nervous because I was afraid that I'd be a bad kisser. If she's your girlfriend, obviously she likes you well enough to commit to you, she's probably just nervous. Also, does she have anything against kissing before marriage? There are some people who do..although I'm sure she would have clarified that by now. I'd say just relax and let things happen...when it's meant to happen, it will.

yeah...no offense to anyone who is bi, but i've known a lot of "bi" people...male and female. And none of them have stayed bi. It's usually either a transition to being gay or just an experimental phase. I'm sure there could be some people who stay bi forever, but I've never heard of one. If you were to get involved with this girl, I'd hope for your sake that she's just being experimental. Cuz if you fell in love with her and she decided to be a full fledged lesbian, that could be very painful.

so whats the main thing that you're concerned about?

a. that she is bisexual
b. that she's newly divorced and she has baggage that goes along with it
c. that her ex husband finds you attractive
d. that you're not gonna get laid
e. that she's just too eccentric for you with all these issues

Hey! I'm not in the los angeles area...i live in orange county, but close enough! I love meeting new people. =)

whatever happened to that one girl...i think it was savagirl or something that was posting about how she wants an affluent man to take care of her? I'm sure she'll take up some of these guys on their offers

Haha, sorry about that! That was probably one of those nights where I was bombarded with creepy ims and just decided to ignore them all for the night. Is there a way to turn off ims? I'd much rather have someone just message me

Do women actually fall for these desperate guys?

That's disgusting. You're only 18 and thats totally trying to solicit you for prostitution. I haven't had that yet, but guys have told me they have more than enough money to "take care" of me if I live with them.

Ok, I know this is a dating website and I have complete respect for people who are seeking to get to know people and find their better half. But are any of you getting random ims from people for the first time...talking to them for about 5 minutues and then having them try and pressure you to get involved in a long distance relationship with them or fly out to wherever they live so they can "take care" of you? I'm relatively new to this site and I've been getting a lot of those ims, which I find weird because my profile states that I'm looking for friendship. However, even if I were looking for a relationship, I'd at least want to get to talking with someone for a good amount of time and then meeting them before commiting to anything. So I find it weird that these people are wanting to "settle down" right away with me, after talking for 5 minutes. Is that how this online dating stuff works? What are your thoughts?

No one is even discussing what the thread was originally about anymore...

A jerk isn't someone who makes a relatively harmless joke. I'm sure you have made jokes and/or comments that have offended somebody. It doesnt make you a jerk.

To turn the tables on you, just as there are girls who go for jerks, there are many guys who there who will choose the evil and/or very promiscuous girl over the nice girl who actually has morals and values.

I'm not bitter because I know there are good people, bad people, and people who just make mistakes and are misled. Sometimes going for the wrong person can lead you in the right direction.

If you're a good, decent guy like you say you are, you should be confident that there is someone out there for you and all those other girls who went for the jerks didnt work out for a reason. In the meantime, respect everyone, their choices, and their views.

Carislove, I think you have a point. There are a lot of people out there who think they're entitled to whatever they want just because of their looks. But don't go attacking spartis...he was clearly joking..i mean, he doesnt even have a picture up. Even the person who made this thread laughed about it. I understand that you're sensitive about this issue. But I think a lot of jokes are offensive in some way. You made some great points, just calm down.

I think you can keep in touch...but distance yourself from them until you get over your feelings. Don't spend time with them unless it's in a group setting, dont have deep emotional conversations with them. You dont' have to completely ignore them, just keep your distance. When it's to the point where you stop thinking of them and you see them as platonic, then you can start being friends with them again. in the meantime, it will just be too painful, complicated, and cause unnecessary drama in your life.

People are on here for different reasons and I think everyone should respect that. Just because someone isn't looking for a relationship, doesn't mean they're on some ego trip. Personally, I think the forums are the best part of this site because I get to hear different people's insight and I do learn a lot. I'm not looking to date anyone from here, but if it happens, it happens.

So you think if i tell him how I feel, he'll lie about his feelings just to sleep with me? I know a lot of guys are like that, I think I just dont want to believe that he's one of them. Im not concerned about hanging out with him alone, I've done it all these other times and nothing ever got out of hand, I trust him not to take advantage of me. However, I am kind of curious to see if he'd be willing to hang out with me in a different setting...because I think that would tell me whether he really respected me or not. I know he hasn't taken a girl out on a date for about 4 years, I dont want to make things awkward, but maybe I can just suggest something really platonic. Any ideas?

Thanks for the heads up. I'll try to be even more wary next time I hang out with him. I think subconsciously I'm nervous to kiss him because I'm afraid he'll expect more once it gets to that. However, he does seem different from the typical frat boy. He's very intelligent. I went to a different university last year and lived in the dorms and all of the frat boys were the and most would get really upset when I didn't hook up with them. He's really different though...he doesnt seem to mind at all and he's very patient. But maybe you're right, maybe it is just part of his game.