How near are we,
Yet in reality so far,
Each time I see you,
I feel joy,
Coz you are my shining star..

Your light,
Lights up my life,
Yet you are out of my reach,
So how can I call you mine?

Sometimes its hard to see you,
Sometimes you are so bright,
You bring me calm,
You bring me peace,
Yet you are so quiet..

What if I come close to you,
Will I burn,
Will you leave a scar,
I am scared, I am hesitant,
No matter how wonderful you are,

I would like to reach you,
Touch you, feel you,
But can only see you from afar,
I can only admire you,
Only bask in your light,
You are my shining star..

Each time I see your profile pic, the same thoughts run in my mind..How I wish I could make you mine, even if for sometime if not forever..I wonder if possible,will you agree to meet me in person? If I told you my feelings, will you reject me in your ego or accept me with open arms?
If only you knew my thoughts, would you smile and be amazed or get a retraining order against me lol..If only you could see yourself from my eyes..how perfect you are..in face, in body, in height, in personality, in heart, in intelligence..its your perfection that makes me hesitate..makes me feel uneasy coz I am not perfect..Its your perfection that stops me from a making a move. How was I supposed to know that someone like you was on this website? Someone who could sweep me off my feet.
If only you knew how fast my heart used to beat whenever I messaged you or each time we were chatting. How I would be nervous that my fingers would literally shake when writing a message..coz I would be trying so hard not to make a fool out of myself by saying something stupid. Those butterflies, that nervousness..I guess this is what a crush feels like..How I fell sick for three days when we first stopped chatting..lovesick? lol
Maybe you knew everything and pretended not to or maybe you were going through the same feelings as me..

And yet here we are..instead of two adults, acting like two kids waiting to see who can give in first..who wins, who loses..Why we playing this game?
Why we used to fight so much? Why anything we do seems like an indirect attack to get back at each other? Why we trying to get even with each other?

I don't know and I am sure neither do you.

I wonder if we will get back together or will the distance keep growing between us until its too late..

If only you knew,
How much I miss you,
How I stay awake at night,
Till early hours in the mornings,
How sleep has become a luxury,
That stays away from my sight..

If only you knew,
How much I think about you,
But always try to hide,
How I cherish each memory,
Your sweet beautiful words,
Even our arguments and those crazy fights..

If only you knew,
How hard it is to pretend,
Day and night,
That I don't want you,
That I am happy without you,
That everything is alright..

If only you knew,
How I am waiting for you,
To make a move or give me a sign,
That you feel the same,
So we could take our feelings,
And soar to new heights..

If only..

It would so easy to give up,
Leave and walk away,
Yet there is always this tiny voice,
Telling me to wait and stay..

It would be so easy to move on,
Find someone to fill up,
My emptiness and get rid of,
Lonely days..

But it will be meaningless,
Cause a dull ache and regret,
A pain in the heart,
That won't go away..

I found my soulmate in you,
But you are not aware,
Or you feel the same but are scared,
Maybe that's why you running away,

I am waiting for you to realize,
This connection,
To come to your senses,
There's nothing else I can say..

That tiny voice is hope,
Which is not leaving me alone,
Maybe hope will find a way,
To bring us together,
What else can I do?
Nothing except hope, wait and pray..

Sitting outside alone,
Watching the falling rain,
So easily washing away the dirt,
Wish it could,
Wash away my pain..

No matter how hard I try,
I can't ignore those memories,
There is no where to run,
And no way to break free..

What's the use to think now,
What had gone wrong,
Why I gave in to others,
Why couldn't I had been strong..

Just one mistake,
And whole world came crushing down,
There is no hope and no help,
Once a bright and bubbly girl,
I am now just a shadow,
Of my former self..

Arush grabbed my hand and shouted "Quick make a wish". We were sitting on the terrace when he had seen a shooting star. I laughed and told him that wishes don't come true annoying him in the process. He asked me to make a wish which I think won't come true. To make him happy, I closed my eyes and made a wish.
"What did you wish for, Neelam? To meet a ghost or an alien?" Arush teased me. That's the problem with close friends. They seem to know you so well. I told him when my wish comes true, I will let him know.

Next day I went to the University Library to study. Exams were due in two weeks. Soon I was deep in the studies when a loud bang on the table startled me. I looked up to see a pile of books on the table and then looked up at the person. He smiled and said sorry. He sat down and was soon lost in his books.

But I couldn't study as my concentration was broken. Instead I studied his profile. Thick black hair parted on the side. Fair and almost translucent skin. Thin lips. And his nose..Sharp as a sword I thought and giggled. He looked up at me questioning. I got embarrassed and stood up with my books and walked away.

That night while I was studying, I thought about him again. I should have atleast glanced at the titles of the books he was studying, I thought. Funny how come I never saw him in the last three years. I wondered if I would see him again..To be continued

Why don't you feel the beauty around you,
The bright colorful flowers,
The butterflies hovering nearby,
Why you don't smile,
Seeing how beautiful,
Is the cloudless blue sky,

Why you don't feel relaxed,
When you notice the deep blue sea,
And the crushing white waves,
Why you don't feel the warm sunshine,
Such beautiful weather,
That one always craves,

Why you are always quiet,
Lost in your thoughts,
Why you don't feel the joy,
And let your spirits soar,

What are you always thinking,
Staring into the empty space,
Why not stop for a moment,
And just let us embrace,

Why you don't show your emotions,
Are you dead,
You are like a lifeless stone,
Neither happy nor sad,

Why you letting your life pass by,
Life devoid of happiness and fun,
Why have you become a silent observer,
And slowly turning me into one..

Thank you. Life is harsh..it can be beautiful too

Thank you for your beautiful and encouraging words

Sorry to hear about your loss. Hope you find some solace on the forums.

Thank you and glad you liked

Thank you for the insight

Yes, I will be ok. Thanks

I am staring at blank paper,
And the pen in my hand,
Been hours but no lines form,
What went wrong?
I don't understand..

You were my inspiration,
My crush,
My spark,
You brought a light,
In my life which so far,
Was dull and dark..

I wrote becoz of you,
All my poems were about you,
And yet now I am struggling,
To come up with,
Something new..

Maybe your memories are fading,
And my spark is fading with you,
Maybe I won't be able to write now,
So I should take my cue..

Just want to say thank you,
For the light and excitement,
You brought in my life,
Made me feel high,
But its time now,
To let go of your memories,
And to say goodbye..

Thank you

Getting advice from some my male friends did save me a few potential heartbreaks and from a few scammers/frauds here. Maybe they have more insights in some matters.

Love is when you know who is the last person you want to see when you are dying coz you will happily die with a smile on your face knowing that you will be coming back in this world to see this person again, to be with this person again. The feeling of been so comfortable, so trusting with someone that even discussing Death with him seems just like a natural transition and nothing to be afraid of.
My view of love five years back before reality set in.

Thank you and glad you liked

I knew I was in trouble,
When I saw you for the first time,
I tried my best to run away,
But your aura was such,
That I had no choice,
And my heart told me to stay..

We chatted and I tried to take it slow,
There was no need to rush,
But how could I take it slow,
When you made me feel,
Like a school girl,
Having her first crush..

Was so afraid to lose control,
I overacted and ruined everything,
Finally I decided to fly away,
On my freedom loving wings..

I broke free yet,
Your thoughts won't leave me,
How I wish I could hug you,
Feel your warmth in your arms,
Inhale your fragrance,
Touch your skin just once,
And kiss your lips,
If I get a chance..

I ran away,
Yet I still fantasize,
I am confused as hell,
Why don't you tell me,
What you feel and,
What you want,
In your straight forward way,
So we can find a solution,
And this chapter ends well..

Pay attention to how you feel about Yourself. Once you realize self love and self worth inspite of whatever happened, you will feel stronger and it will be easier to move on. Maybe you will forgive the person, feel sorry or indifferent coz usually what a person does to you is a reflection of what that person is, not you. Having good friends n hobbies n meeting potential new interests helps too.