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Community > Posts By > ShadowShaker
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Topic:
question
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I wouldn't worry to much about the drinking unless he does it frequently. As far as him staying at home, that is more concerning then if he went to the bar. If he went to the bar, that would mean he was a social drinker and most likely not an alcholic, if he stays at home, the reverse is more likely.
I agree that it sounds like insecurity, especially if he had a couple of beers first (may be trying to loosen up and get the nerve to say it). As far as him pushing you to say it back...well...you just have to go off of how he was acting in general. Was it a "You better say it back." or an "I hope you say it back."? |
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Maybe that is why the show cops is so popular. Women get to see a lot of take charge guys running from the cops. See, what many women (as much as they might like the take charge attitude) miss is that there is take charge and then there is not caring. With many (not all) guys that just walk up to a women and begin asking them out or buying them drinks it isn't that they are taking charge to initiate a romance, it is that they don't care and you are just another piece of tail to them. This is a big reason why so many guys have the feeling of good guys finish last. A good descent guy will typically care enough about what you might think to want a fairly good sign that you like them or that you are interested. Simply walking by and saying hi (and this goes for both guys and gals by the way) and exchanging real glances (like little winks, head nods, etc) can go a long way. (and girls, if a guy seems to keep staring at you, he probably likes you and is too nervous to do anything) Now, eventually someone needs to make a move, should it be the guy or girl?? Doesn't really matter, whoever feels most comfortable with it. Just remember ladies, when a guy just walks up and asks you to dance, is he taking charge, or does he just not care? In most cases however, it has nothing to do with caring enough to man up and ask, it has more to do with he is horny and looking to get laid. You may say he cares enough all right, but about what? In most cases, it isn't about the girl, it is about having sex that night. If all you want is a one night stand, that is probably your guy. If you are looking for more however, then he most likely isn't. Is that true 100% of the time? of course not, but it is true more often then it is not by a pretty vast majority. Ladies, don't mistake a mans lust for love, or even like. If you want a "take charge" guy that isn't a scum bag, you are much better off to find out what they do for a living, or what they have done in the past. If a guy comes up and asks and after talking to him you find that he has worked at one of the lowest levels in his company for a long time and has never been management, guess what, he isn't a take charge kind of guy, he is a horny kind of guy. If he were a take charge kind of guy, his job would have noticed and promoted him (either he isn't a take charge guy or he is stupid, but those are the choices). However, if you find that he is management and has been at previous jobs, that he has helped in doing something important in the community (organized a fund raiser for a charity, helped run an organization, etc.) then you are looking at an intelligent take charge guy. If he makes excuses like he was passed over at a job for management because; the boss didn't like him, was sleeping with the person that got it, was against him from the start etc. then he isn't a take charge guy. Those situations happen very seldom but people who feel they deserve a lot even if they are intellectually deficient or aren't able to handle it use those excuses all the time. Basically, if they are a take charge kind of guy, their life will reflect it. If they aren't then their life will reflect that. Weather or not they have the gumption to go up and ask you has little to do with it. |
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Topic:
Meeting Guys...........
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Women tend to think that meeting women is easy and men tend to think that meeting men is easy. We think it is easy for our own gender because we know what we want and feel it is very simple for the other to do that thing. I would say the best way to meet a guy is to just talk to him...about anything. If the guy is interested, he will hold a good conversation with you. Is it sure fire? No, but nothing is. It is no more sure fire then for a guy to just go up and talk to a woman. For me, if a girl is interested and wants to meet me, she only needs to say hi to me and seem to want a conversation. I will typically oblidge with a conversation and we can see what happens from there. Ironically, I think the best advise for both genders is to not try. Don't look at the cute person as someone you want to date, just as a person standing there that you are talking to. That removed the pressure of wanting to make that great first impression, shows them who you really are so no fake airs are there and allows the "relationship" to grow from a friendship if it is to grow at all. Anywho, that is my two cents worth on the topic.
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Maybe that is why the show cops is so popular. Women get to see a lot of take charge guys running from the cops.
See, what many women (as much as they might like the take charge attitude) miss is that there is take charge and then there is not caring. With many (not all) guys that just walk up to a women and begin asking them out or buying them drinks it isn't that they are taking charge to initiate a romance, it is that they don't care and you are just another piece of tail to them. This is a big reason why so many guys have the feeling of good guys finish last. A good descent guy will typically care enough about what you might think to want a fairly good sign that you like them or that you are interested. Simply walking by and saying hi (and this goes for both guys and gals by the way) and exchanging real glances (like little winks, head nods, etc) can go a long way. (and girls, if a guy seems to keep staring at you, he probably likes you and is too nervous to do anything) Now, eventually someone needs to make a move, should it be the guy or girl?? Doesn't really matter, whoever feels most comfortable with it. Just remember ladies, when a guy just walks up and asks you to dance, is he taking charge, or does he just not care? |
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I know the feeling, I just left an 11 year relationship. Is strange to be single again.
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Topic:
Lost puppy syndrome.
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If you get into a relationship with a girl and then you start doting on her, isn't that different then what she fell for in the first place? Remember not to loose the person that she originally fell for in your efforts to make her feel special. A good couple contributes to each others lives, they don't become or take control of them.
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"If yuo cna raed tihs yuo aer expirancnig a naet thnig"
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a kiss from a girl that just took a drag of a cig. HA HA!!
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lol, good one RD.
"BEWARE!!!" - just to make them wonder. lol |
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"Be advised, I'm allergic to stupidity."
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Honesty is always the best policy. Politely let them know that you simply do not feel the "spark" that you were looking for. This way they understand that it is over. They don't keep calling trying to go out with you again and in the end, it is much less hurtful then if you lied. I assure you, we all would make someone else miserable and I tend to think we all understand that. It wouldn't hurt my feelings if a date stated that she just wasn't into me, after all, that is what the date is about isn't it? to find out if you are compatable with the other person?
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Edited by
ShadowShaker
on
Wed 05/26/10 05:56 PM
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I have been curious about this topic as well. My $.02... I have dated a single mother. I even married her and raised the kids as mine. When she walked out, I kept the kids. One she had when we dated (I adopted) and one we had together. Now, I am on the other side of it. Twenty-nine, and a single father of two. It is rough on this side of the fence as well. Similar here. When my ex and I split up, I took all the kids over the summer. My step-daughter, my daughter and my step-son (who was the result of her having an affair) and have always treated them as my own. I think love can go far beyond the bounds of blood if we let it. Even with us being divorced, my step-sons father has nothing to do with him so I am trying to adopt him and his mother is working to help make that happen. I love being a dad. And now, although divorced, I am a single father raising my daughter and I still do my best to have the other two every summer and on weekends whenever possible. |
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Topic:
SINGLE or TAKEN? - part 16
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single, but only just recently
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Topic:
A serious question
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If it is Love it is LOve...The other thing that you would have to ask yourself is...know that this person has a terminal illness...do you really love this person or do you feel sorry for them and you are letting your petty for this person control your feelings and emotions??? I am the one who is dieing, and agreed that is something to look out for. |
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Topic:
A serious question
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To me there is a difference between the uncertainties of life and the knowledge of death happening soon. Most all go into a relationship feeling that they will not leave the other person in tears, not even thinking about the potential of death happening soon. But it seems irresponsible to get into a relationship knowing that if everything goes wonderfully, it will end with the other person in tears. It makes more since to just not let them be involved in the pain. Just so everyone knows, my family has been trying to get me to date and I refuse because I have a heart condition that has been 100% fatal to all who develop it. They don't know what causes it, and there is no cure so death is certain. The average life span of someone with this condition is about 10 years, but due to me not seeing a doctor right after the symptoms developed, I had between about 5 or 7 and that was two years ago. There is no constant pain or anything like that and I am not disabled by it, I do have frequent hospital visits as a result however (was hospitalized 6 times last year). I already have a 13 year old, so there is someone to live on for me so to speak. At this point to me it just seems selfish to get involved as it would only be making my time a little nicer for the pain that it would cause someone else. And if a child came of a new relationship, that would end up being a fatherless child (another concept I don't handle well). I have had two relationships in my life that lasted less then 2 years, the other 3 lasted over 4 years (with my last lasting 11 years). Also, I really do appreciate the replies on this topic, it is a tricky one for a lot of people. I am very much a logical person and the facts have to make since for me to change my mind. Not being able to see the other side of the coin properly due to my situation, it is logical for me to find out what people in general think. Thus, here I am. Hoping to either satisfy my family that I am making the right choice or have my mind changed based on the facts. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There's a difference between 'illness' / 'sickness' / 'death'. Illness and sickness are real, but there is NO 'death'. What we perceive as 'death' is nothing more than the leaving behind of the physical container that carries whatever is 'us' around while we're in this existence. When we leave behind our 'skin suit', we merely transition to a higher plane of existence. Our 'skin suit' might be here, but we're somewhere else then ... and we're NOT 'dead'. WE're alive - our 'container' is 'dead'. Only when y' look at it from the perspective of 'us' and our 'essence' (or the 'product' and the 'container') is a concept like 'death' valid - but it's only valid for the container, not for the stuff that makes us 'us'. Just as an aside, I've also got my own cardio problems, but I refuse to live like an invalid and I will NOT be confined by arbitrary 'rules' about what I 'can' and 'can't' do ... I DECIDE what I can and can't do - or will and won't do. As for relationships ... if you DON'T try, you lose whatever you MIGHT have gained. It's an automatic 'given'. If you DO try, you might lose, but you might ALSO win what you never thought you could have had. Given that choice, I'll try every damned time ... whatever else may happen down the road is something everyone has to deal with sooner or later - there is NO escape from that part of it. If you choose to put artificial limitations on yourself, that's your choice - but then y' can't come back later and play the 'poor me' game ... it's 'choice and consequence', boy-o. You act like I am giving up on something. I am not giving up on anything, I am simply making the choice not to hurt others. And has anybody seen me play a poor me card? I am asking opinion. I have asked no one to feel sorry for me nor do I want them to, I have lived a good life with no real regrets thus far. Many out there have worse lives then I, I am just graduating this life early. Please if you respond don't make it an emotional hurling of comments and please don't accuse me of things I have not done or am not doing. I know exactly what I am asking, the consequences of my decisions and I even understand for many it may be an emotional topic, but to me it is about not letting emotions over-ride logic. |
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Topic:
Self esteem
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The key word in self-esteem is self. It is in your hands how you decide to feel about yourself, and it truly is your decision. Everyone has flaws, we can either dwell on ours or realize that we are just like the rest of the world...imperfect. If you measure yourself against the yardstick of perfection, you will always fall short. Always make sure to measure yourself by the only realistic yardstick...yourself. :)
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insurance and annuities. sheesh
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When my ex-wife and I first met she already had my step-daughter (who was about a year old). Not only did it not stop me, to me it was wonderful because there was a child there already who needed a father, a role I would gladly fill if I could. So needless to say, it was never an issue with me.
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Topic:
A serious question
Edited by
ShadowShaker
on
Wed 05/26/10 01:56 AM
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To me there is a difference between the uncertainties of life and the knowledge of death happening soon. Most all go into a relationship feeling that they will not leave the other person in tears, not even thinking about the potential of death happening soon. But it seems irresponsible to get into a relationship knowing that if everything goes wonderfully, it will end with the other person in tears. It makes more since to just not let them be involved in the pain.
Just so everyone knows, my family has been trying to get me to date and I refuse because I have a heart condition that has been 100% fatal to all who develop it. They don't know what causes it, and there is no cure so death is certain. The average life span of someone with this condition is about 10 years, but due to me not seeing a doctor right after the symptoms developed, I had between about 5 or 7 and that was two years ago. There is no constant pain or anything like that and I am not disabled by it, I do have frequent hospital visits as a result however (was hospitalized 6 times last year). I already have a 13 year old, so there is someone to live on for me so to speak. At this point to me it just seems selfish to get involved as it would only be making my time a little nicer for the pain that it would cause someone else. And if a child came of a new relationship, that would end up being a fatherless child (another concept I don't handle well). I have had two relationships in my life that lasted less then 2 years, the other 3 lasted over 4 years (with my last lasting 11 years). Also, I really do appreciate the replies on this topic, it is a tricky one for a lot of people. I am very much a logical person and the facts have to make since for me to change my mind. Not being able to see the other side of the coin properly due to my situation, it is logical for me to find out what people in general think. Thus, here I am. Hoping to either satisfy my family that I am making the right choice or have my mind changed based on the facts. |
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Topic:
A serious question
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Maybe not, but I can control keeping anything from ever happening.
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