owwwwwwwwwww
argggggggggg

anyone want that number

teacher:johnny what is the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambilvalence?
Johnny:i dont know and i dont care one way or the other

nobody seems to like this joke.

i was reading the bookhitchhikers guide to the galaxy one time nad i found some phone numbers in it. one was for nasa and the other was for the white house. i phoned nasa first but an automated voice told me that the number was for a bank in houston. so i called the next number and it rang a couple times and then a female voice answered, "white house." i was sooooooooo scared. i thought it was fake. but it was real. all i could do was stand there for a moment then i asked, "this is really the white house?" she said yes and then i told her i dialed the wrong number and i hng up. i thought that was really funny tho.

two guys walk into a bar. the third one ducks.

hey im a busted rubber too

some more.

why is there braille on drive-up atms

why is pinesol made with real lemons and lemon juice is made with artificial flavoring

why is it pronounced good food

why is it called a toothbrush instead of teethbrush

why can you order a large hamburger a extralarge fry and a diet coke.

marriage is a three ring circus, engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering

i have a bad habigt of getting drunk and stoned at the same time. i was that way one night last week and i was paranoid the cops were going to find me so i cut my hair off so they would not recognise me. i now have a mohawk and i am proud of all the attention i get cuz of it. but i was like wtf the next morning.

betsy_baby you havent only used that line on me have you.

really tough but i would be laughing.

its happened to me before

there once was a perfect couple. they were a perfect man and a perfect woman. they had a perfect marriage. they had a perfect house and everything about their life was perfect. one pefect christmas eve. the perfect couple went for a perfect drive in their perfect suv. they were driving down the perfect road when they spotted santa stranded on the side of the road. so, being the perfect couple, they decided to help the poor fellow. then driving conditions worsened and there was a crash. two were killed but one survived. who was it? (scroll down)

















the perfect woman survived. okay now all you women stop reading now. the rest is for the men.


















the reason the perfect woman survived is because she was the only one that really existed in the first place. everyone knows there is no such thing as sant and there is no such thing as a perfect man. so the woman was driving and that would explain why there was a crash.

that reminds me of another similar joke i was told once.

a man was pulled over by a police unit and the officer came up to his window and said to him, "i noticed you were wearing your seat belt. you are the first person i have seen wearing one today so i am awarding you $5000." the man says to him, but officer didnt you know i was going 100 miles over the limit." his wife in the passenger seat says, "oh dont listen to him officer. he always lies when hes drunk." then a man wakes up from the back seat and says, "sh1t, i knew we wouldnt get far in a stolen vehicle." then a voice comes from the trunk in spanish, saying, "are we over the border yet?"

holy fu**ing sh1t that was so mean and awesome at the same time.

thas messtup

awesome. hilarious.

peter peter pumpkin eater. oh my god. that is sooooo funny.

this poem is not mine. i got it out of a chicken soup book. i thought that it would be ok to copy it cuz i didnt think that it was copyrighted.