Well...Wayne is totally made up. I can picture him clearly in my head though.....but he is not real. Maybe he's based on some bar flys I knew in Knoxville. He might be part me too... He's just somebody I created. I wrote these on cold winter mornings last winter before the sun came up....sipping Jack and Cokes. I dunno'........ He's the every man idiot.......

Well....golf doesn't really make sense, right? And life doesn't necessarily make sense either. So.....there is a strange logic to this......

Oh....I just checked. Wayne is wearing golf shoes in pt.3

Thanks, man. Wayne doesn't exist though. He is a figment of my imagination.......

Pt. 4. Dig how there is NO chronology here.....?

Darts interfere with drinking. I posted another.....but now I'm confused, see?

"I can read backwards....fluently."

I'm surprised to hear Wayne say this. Not because I find the fact that he can read backwards amusing. Not that he can even read in general... No...I'm surprised cuz' he knew how to use the word "fluently" in the correct context.

Wayne continues..."Resiewdub?...that's Budweiser... backwards, see? Orablaram.....that Marlboro." He's on a roll . "Now coffee? That's eefoc. Pepsi is ispep. Coke is ekoc. I have it all worked out , see? I even have my own silent letter rule."

Wayne takes a sip of beer...and continues...

"Road signs? God...I got em' all nailed. Deeps timil. That's speed limit, see? Pots? That means stop. Of course...I can't drive because of this amazing talent I have. It's distracting."

I look at Wayne and say "No...YOU don't drive cuz you've had 3 DUI's in 2 years."

"Oh...yea. That too. But still....."

I spaced. The shoes appear in another episode, see?

"...and after a 6-pack of beer all those ads on TV start to sink into your thinking, man"

Wayne is holding court at the bar. After a few beers he usually feels the need to educate people on ****.

"Now...take your TV News. Do you really think they tell you the truth or what's really goin' on? Hell no, man. They have a hidden agenda. Somebody is paying them and those networks know which side of their bread is buttered. You can't get anything from TV News."

He orders another beer and continues.

"Have you ever been written up in the newspaper?"

Wayne is asking me this. I was actually written up in the newspaper once because at the age of 12 I raised the most money of anybody else in my school for the holiday fund raiser. I was about to tell Wayne this...but he just kept on talking...

"I was written up for being arrested as an accessory to robbery and again for being arrested for receiving stolen property. Yes...I did these things but the account I read in the papers each time was completely different from what actually happened, see? They messed up details, times, history...hell, one article even got my name wrong. This got me to thinkin', see? In the history of Wayne, here..." He pokes himself in the chest."...The press is 0 for 2 in accuracy. That's a 100% failure rate, man. Now...that's just on a local level. Expand that to the state, the country, the whole Goddamned world. The news is most likely wrong. You shouldn't watch it because you can't believe it. DON'T BELIEVE THE NEWS!" He pauses to take a sip of his beer.

"...And I NEVER watch TV while I'm drinking. That would be highly irresponsible.....

I'll post Pt.1.....

Wait for it.....wait for it.......

I couldn't come up with a title....so this one popped in my head, see? In Pt.1, which I haven't posted yet...., Wayne is wearing golf shoes.......

This story has NOTHING to do with golf....at all.......

Well....Cookie Jarvis kinda' exemplifies this thread, see? But....he was bounced from being a spokes person for some reason. Not sure why.........

http://youtu.be/ln982_hkuJs

Anybody remember Cookie Crisp cereal? ....and Cookie Jarvis.....their spokes dude?

All work and no play....makes Jack a dull boy!

I LOVE my man cave. Stereo equipment and always a guitar within arms length. Porn on the TV. I never have to clear my browser history.......

Ted!

That's the nicest thing I've heard all day.......