Funeral Procession:

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she
noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50
feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman
walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were
about 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the
woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know
now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like
this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband
when the dog turned on! her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

Gotta (respectfully)disagree with you, Mrdouright

REMEMBER KNOX'S RIDDLE #739:

Q:What do married women and cigarrettes have in common?

A:Both are hazardous to your health

Wanttachat

It's people like you that shows what the holidays are REALLY about.

Wishing you and you son the best this Christmas Season

OLE KNOX'S LIST OF THINGS HE'D RATHER NOT SEE IN WOMEN'S PROFILES:


1."I'm best friends with my ex."

HUGE RED FLAG! This statement tells me that they could be "friends with benefits" or at the least, the ex is gonna be around a lot, no doubt interfering with your relationship--and she'll be unable to see what's going on.

2."My Kids Come First."

OK, that's the way it should be. But don't go to the exterme. What if one of your kids don't like the guy you've met? And what if that ex that's always around "poisons" the kid's mind to where he now despises the guy you're dating? Exercise caution. Like adults, a kid's opinion is just that--an opinion.

3."I Like To Party"

This was alluded to earlier. It's OK to mention it--once. But, unless you're a skank like Paris Hilton, "Party" is NOT a profession.

4."I'll Write This Later"

It's bad form to throw a profile up with NO details listed, except for the promise to "fill it in when I get time". If you cannot take the few minutes to fill out a basic profile, where are you ever gonna find the time to reply to an e-mail someone writes you, much less finding time to actually go out on a date with someone?

5. "You must be THIS tall to date"

Is it just me, or have a lot of women on JSH(especially local women)forgotten to include their height? I'm amazed at the number of local to me women who are listed at under 5' tall.

6."No Answer"

Whenever I see "no answer" I automatically assume that they're trying to hide something. Have Kids? No Answer. That tells me that not only you have kids, but for some reason, you're ashamed to admit it. Same with smoking, drinking, religion, ect.

7."I'm not a poet, but I don't Know It."

Something else alluded to earlier. When I look at a profile, I want to read a little about the person--not their version of poetry, most of which came directly from the "The longer a poem is, the better it is" train of thought. It's not, BTW.

8."Here's my assets--BOTH of them."

I love the number of "Christian" women on here who claim to be full of virtue--then their pic is one where their hooters are practically falling out of their tops. That doesn't tell me you're a "nice girl"--that tells me you'd love to audition for a porn movie.

Well, there you have it. I'm sure I'm gonna get tons of hate thrown my way over this, but hey, my opinion was asked for, and as anyone who knows me can attest to, holding back is one of my weaknesses(maybe I should have mentioned THAT on my profile )

Saw now where Thompson's attacking Guliani, saying New York isn't a model for the rest of the country. Ole Fred's on the right track(never thought I'd say that), but if Fred really wants to get people thinking, why doesn't he bring up Rudy's rather abysmal record as mayor pre-9/11? Hell, Rudy's record POST 9/11 isn't that hot.

Gotta admit, the arguing between candidates in the primaries is FAR more interesting--and funnier-- than it is in the general election.

Doing fine, Fishin

Didn't mean to hijack this thread, tho.

Back to the regularly-scheduled lunacy.

Fishin

The bad thing about drinking your pain away, Josh, is that once the buzz is over, you find the pain still there.

Your music, on the other hand, is great therapy. I'm assuming you write music. Do you play an instrument? Follow your music. Music can be very theraputic and calming.

Good luck to you, sir.

Yeah, it stinks being alone for the Holidays. Going alone to your company Christmas party because you don't have anyone to take. Not being asked to go with friends to a New Years Party, because it's "couples only" and they know you're alone...it's like rubbing your nose in it. And the media and commercials make it worse--it's ALL so couples oriented. It's like if you're alone for the holidays, you're lower than pond scum.

Everybody talks about discrimination in this country. This race, that race, ect.

Well, I'm here to tell you that the MOST discrinated against group in America, BY FAR, is SINGLE PEOPLE!

Everything is geared towards the couple in America. A lot of time shares won't rent to single people. Restaurants try to sit single prople at the tiniest tables they have (Heaven help you if you bring a newspaper to read). Single people passed over for jobs and promotions in favor of married people because, "They need it more".

And why? Because IT'S OUR FAULT!! WE LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT!

WELL, NOT ME!!!!

When I go to a restaurant with my newspaper, and they try to sit me at one of those tiny tables, I refuse. I tell them they can either sit me at a normal table, or I'll take my business (and my consumer dollars) elsewhere! I've actually hired attorneys to fight the "married only" rules at time-shares, and made them back down. Someone get the promotion simply because they're married? Well, comanies have Human Resources depts for a reason, and companies don't usually handle discrimination lawsuits very well.

My point is folks, we MUST stand up to the discrimination practiced against single people in America. SINGLES UNITE!!!!!

Final note: For those of us who ARE going to be alone this Christmas/New Years (I'll be alone, too), isn't it better to be alone than with someone you don't really want to be with?

Sometimes I've agreed with Spider......

Sometimes I've disagreed with Spider......

Other times, I've just sat back and read his exchanges with other posters.

The man always said what was on his mind, and always gave 110% in backing his opinions up. I respect that.

I wish you would come back, Spider. You're a valued member of the JSH family. Whatever you decide, good luck to you, and may your life be filled with happiness, joy, and contentment.

May God Bless You, Spider.

DALLAS COWBOYS 38
GREEN BAY PACKERS 21

Dallas has more offensive weapons than the Packers.
Their defense is a LOT better than the Packers.

The Dallas "D" won't let Farve get away with much.

GO DALLAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll say it again: It's a crying shame that the NFC Game of the Year is on a channel that less than 40% of football fans have access to, much less being able to order it.

No, no, Jura. Cheney said Iraq WAS at that point to where they could initiate an immediate nuclear attack on the US. No misquoting there. Do you think in a million years that the Bush Administration's personal news network would allow one of their patron saints to be misquoted?

I accept your apology.

Unless you choose to pull out and use one of the neocon's favorite quotes: "I misquoted myself."

Didn't need to look, Bob.

We've all been rejected at one point in our lives--most of us more than once. I don't know about you, but I don't have the time and/or patience to "get back at someone who's rejected me". People should quit obsessing and whining about it. Everyone isn't going to be attracted to you, or even like you. Get over it, and move on. Revenge is for shallow people who have nothing going for them in their lives. Live your life.

Well, folks, thanks for the king words of encouragement. However, this one didn't go too well. At the end of lunch, I asked her if she wanted to go out again. Her response was: "I really don't have time to date right now."

Uh, why did you agree to go on this one? I was dying to ask that, but I left well enough alone.

Thankfully, I met her somewhere besides JSH. It's good to be back here with my crazy family ! Thanks again for your kind words. May better luck come to us all!

True.

Glad to see Katt in the forums again.
Where you been hiding?

Jess , you still want that massage you mentioned on page one?

They don't call me "Magic Hands" for nothing!

I'd approach a beautiful woman and say,

"How are you this morning, SweetiePieSupreme?"

False.

Wishes I was invisible sometimes.

Well, I could say any Bruce Willis (worst actor ever, IMO)movie or any movie with Ninjas in it, but I won't cop out.

Knox's Worst Movie Ever Made:

GODZILLA 2000. The only movie I ever cried at.

I cried:"FOURTEEN BUCKS FOR THIS????????????????????????????"

I took a date, so I at least didn't have to suffer alone. She suggested that bomb, BTW.

I would!

Would you wait and do ALL your Christmas shopping on Christmas eve?