I was fooling around on myspace just looking thru profiles and i came across my ex. We broke up 2 years ago, but technically it was a fake break up cause i was in jail and a mutual "friend" of ours came to visit me and said she dumped me, then i guess he went back to her and said i broke up with her. We talk maybe once a month now after not talking at all since june of 05. I was looking at her profile and i saw a picture of her and her new boyfriend and it literally broke my heart...i'm embarrassed to admit it but i'm actually crying...the cold hard truth is that i'm madly still in love with her. in that picture she looked so happy and i couldn't help but remember how happy she was when we were together....it's sad that after all this time when i see her with another guy it puts me in such a depression that i wanna lay down and die....it's like no matter what i do i can't get over her....there's even certain songs i can't listen to and certain songs i can't listen to cause they make me think too much of her.....i just don't know what to do anymore.....i don't know if i want to do anything anymore....

i don't know why but this is one of those songs that gets to me...

So I'm the king of all these things of this mess I have made
Such a waste what a shame my whole life is a fake
Well I'm a bore and I'm sure I'm a thorn inside of you that has torn at you for years
The alcohol the demerol these things never could replace
What a minute with you could do to put a smile on my face
I'm a bore and I'm sure I'm a thorn inside of you that has torn at me for years
I can't get out of this dead skin I can't shed my skin
I'm not sure where to begin why can't I begin again
I can't get under my dead skin I can't shed my skin
Can I sleep 'til then

Phenobarbital and alcohol these two surely will do
To knock me out keep me down at least a day or two
When I'm awake I can taste how bitter I've become
And it's more than I can bear some days I pray someone will blow me away
Make it quick but let it burn so I can feel my life fade
Well I'm a waste and I can taste how bitter I've become
And it's more than I can bear
I can't shed my skin
I can't shed my skin

Been there. Still am.... I will never be able to watch certain TV shows period. I've avoided them because it brings back memories of us watching them together.

There are many other things that set me off as well and I say it's okay to cry..... The emotions and ability to express it are there for a reason.

Don't give up. There are many of us who are getting by. I have slept only 2 nights in the past 2.5 months and both were because I drank and passed out. I decided I don't want to do that anymore so I practice thinking about other thoughts.

I was crushed by my last relationship because she broke every promise she made to me after crawling back to me to ask her to give her one more chance.

We all have our own stories and they come through bit by bit here in these forums.

I share because I care about people I don't even know. I believe we are here to encourage us to be stronger, better, stable, and that eventually we will be happy with ourselves and/or along with some new fantastic partner.

Just remember that your not the only one who cried for/about an ex.

John

P.S. Pictures don't tell everything. Relationships can end any day when something goes wrong. You'll have to be strong if you wish to KIT with her.

it just really gets me down that i lost her, and the only other woman that made me just as happy if not happier (whom i was with on and off over a period of 4 years) died of a cocaine overdose 7 months later..

i've just been spending so much time alone lately and it's just giving all these buried thoughts a chance to come up after i thought i forgot about 'em......

Yeah I hear ya. I've been on this site for a few days and think I'm going to give it up for a week to focus on reading and a few parties with friends.

Being here reminds me of why I came here....which is depressing to a degree but also cathartic. Now I'm ready to go back to the traditional way of gettin out to meet someone.

My condolences to you for your loss.

You can catch my profile on myspace at http://MySpace.com/homespecial for future shout outs.

On out,

J

I can understand the missing part, the lonely part, I am there too, I lost my husband to cancer and I still miss him terrible. You have it worse then I do, she is still here and sometimes I think that makes it harder. Crying is part of the healing, but please don't feel like life is over, it isn't there is someone out there that is just right for you. I'm talking to myself too, I have wanted to just tell the world to slow down and let me off. For some strange reason, the world doesn't slow down and life does go on. You are in my thoughts I truely hope you find happiness!!

i hope it gets better for you....huggggsss

i just don't know how to deal with these thoughts and memories and feelings.....my usual way (because it's how i was raised) is these things are dealt with by just burying them and drinking enough to make them go away at least for now.....and that's what i'm doing right now...that's what i've been doing since about 7 this evening...

But drinking is only a temporary fix and in reality, alcohol is a depressant and makes you feel more depressed, and physically worse too. Have you talked to a counselor to work through your issues?? I am sorry you are going through such a rough time, but like Lee said, there is someone out there for you. It just takes time for the wounds to heal and for you to find the right one.

I would recommend hanging out in the forums and making friends, to all of you. The more visible you are, the more people get to see who you are, what your personality is like, and you will make friends, just takes a little time and you will make friends. This is a good place to come to talk to people and make friends. I know my friends on here have helped me through some really severe depressions, and instead of pulling away, I would recommend you stay around and make some friends and reach out to them. My thoughts anyways.

By the way, welcome to the site, I hope things get better for you. Take care of yourselves.

i'm going back to an old therapy i haven't done in years......i'm turning my pain into music......to use an old cliche

Do you write music? That can be a healthy outlet for your feelings. I really hope you get to feeling better soon. I need to get to bed, or will be late for work in the morning. Take care.

I know I'm quite late with my reply, but I'm new here. I can empathize with your pain, Josh. I think writing down your feelings and turning them into music is a great idea as is going back to therapy. If you need more support we're all here for you.

The bad thing about drinking your pain away, Josh, is that once the buzz is over, you find the pain still there.

Your music, on the other hand, is great therapy. I'm assuming you write music. Do you play an instrument? Follow your music. Music can be very theraputic and calming.

Good luck to you, sir.

Put the ball in her court. Contact her on myspace and let her open the door for dialogue about your breakup. If she is truly happy with her new b/f, then let her be. If she is not, she will let you know.

its always hard...love never dies, but it does change. i pray that your heart mends. im sure i speak for many that you can always come here for a word of encouragement, the people here are fantastic and i love them all! hugs to you my friend

when you drink it might make thing's better for
the moment but the memories r still there the next day
believe me i still thank about my x and it;s been 7 year's
you have friend's ...been there done that..

The coolest thing about people like us, is that it gives everyone else hope. Because we not only endure it, we rise above it. They see us at the end. When we made it through. They never once thought of how we prayed for death. How we wanted to die, how we wanted to give up and walk away. They can't understand the courage it takes to shout those words in your mind, the ones we all know to well. And we fight. We may be **** ups, we may be disasters, we may know we will never be normal. But we are the very people that are called hero's. But people like us know the truth. We arn't, we simply stumbled through it, and never gave up. It's not that we didnt want to, it's that we couldn't. It's not in our nature.

I dont got alot to say, just this. try. If she doesn't want to be with you, it simply means there is another who is far better out there. If she does, then you gotta become the person you need to be, before going back. Love is a funny thing, carring and obession often get confused as love. But hey, it can't be helped.

Those times alone are meant to be for that very purpose.....you need to up-root all those buried thoughts and feelings--it's called releasing and healing.....it's a good thing Josh, it gets you back in touch with what was lost within. Just go with it, allow it....you'll heal and you'll be fine then you can look back on the lesson learned and grow from it! If it's meant to be (with her), it will---if it's not, so be it--the universe has something better waiting for you---and trust me, it's ALWAYS better because it's your stepping stone for growing into a "better Josh".

Peace

you loved her..and your depressed..Though it's hard, try not to think about her and try to move on, just don't jump into a serious relationship until your over her--that wouldn't be fair to you or the girl.