"if you would know a man.. look at his pets..
If you would know a woman. look at her children.."

Years ago I was in Parents Without Partners.. so all the women were single Moms. So to answer the question.. sure, dating them is
fine.. depending on what *you* are looking for..

Just be aware that her and the kids are a package deal in the long term..

I checked your profile.. and the first thing you mention is your daughter.. So I'm predicting once you get over the shock, you;ll be there for her..

We can assume from the law school scholarship that she has brains..
but that doesn't make her *emotionally* mature.. so she may be
even more in need of your support.. There are a lot of reasons girls get pregnant.. not all of them make a lot of sense..

I don't hear anything about Mom in all this.. what is her reaction to all this..?

One thing.. at 18 she is legally an adult.. so think of the possibility of her choosing to live with you.. The thing there is.. do NOT
making rules for her if that happens.. she is no longer your little girl.. she is a woman in need of support.. and a friend.

As for the chithead.. I'd see about getting him to sign away parental rights.. just saying that could prevent a lot of problems down the road.

Good luck, bud..

Very nice sentiment.. and great analogy.. a lot better than
'looking at the same moon'

Super..:-)

That's a really hard question to answer.. you go thru profile after profile and they are seem the same.. blah..blah..blah..
then something catches the eye.. Something in the eyes perhaps..
or a turn of phrase.. Something that says 'this one is different'

You start looking and find this person has some quality that
you are looking for in a partner.. intelligence, humor, openness.. whatever does it for you..

Sometimes it's in the forums.. something they wrote that somehow grabbed you.. leading you to check out their profile..

So you write.. and they check you out.. and find you interesting..
They write back.. and then wherever that leads to. If you go in with no expectations.. you don't feel bad if things go nowhere..

Now.. how to *be* interesting..? Just be yourself.. don't *try* to be anything.. I'll guarantee there is someone out there who will find you fascinating..

Of course, they are probably on another site,
so it may take a whiie..:-)

Tough situation.. but some observations:

* Yes.. be careful of your children. Not to put too fine a point on it.. pedophiles do exist. Better to wait a while before introducing
anyone to them..

* Working on yourself is a very good idea. You want to get to where you want a man.. but don't *need* one..

* Yes, it's okay to want sex and to get it. Just don't give yourself away. Same for affection..

* Try http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/
A good place to meet people in a similar situation..
providing a social life for you and the kids..

* Be aware that the ex- may co e back, swearing he has changed..
He hasn't.. get a restraining order.

Good luck..

In living.. we run across many people who affect our whole life..

I recall being a little boy..maybe ten..? I was in a long thin
field. I had bought a cheap kite.. with my own money earned
snow shovelling.. and had put it together after much effort.
And I could NOT get it to fly..

I stood holding it when I heard a deep voice ask 'Need some help..?"

I turned and saw the biggest man I'd ever seen. He was a black cop,
and he showed me how to run into the wind.. and my kite flew..! :-)

To my mind.. he is still the biggest man I've ever seen.

Moral: be kind to all you meet..
cause you don't know how long they will remember you..

Note: in 1932, the Bonus Marchers came to Washington DC to petition Congress to pay out a World War One veteran's bonus not yet due. Congress used the Army to disperse them.

* Bayonet Drill *

Son of a bottle a day Father
and Church once a day Mother
At eighteen Joe joined the depression dark days
Army in 'thirty.. and sent money home.

In 'thirty-two the marchers came to Washington.
The Army and MacArthur threw them back.

As a boy, my Dad Joe would ask me
if I knew what the bayonet drill was..
He would get a distant look in his eye..

Advance..!
THRUST..!
Recover..!
BUTT STROKE..!
SLASH DOWN..!

I heard this many times in my youth.
Only once did I hear him say
"The ones in front..
they couldn't get out the way
they.. couldn't get out the way.."

The Voyage

The shore-bound sailor stands on the dock
watching the repair of the sailing bark
storm tossed it was, rigging in rags..
a wonder it ever made port.

He sees it draw anchor, all sail set..
old, patched sail.. old rigging to boot..
He wonders that a crew was found..
Yet knows sailors need the sea..

Ships are safe in harbor..
But that is not what ships are for.
He waves unseen and smiling says
"Fair winds and following seas"

Okay.. we have the biology.. the imperative to procreate.
For this.. the sperm donor (guys..) are willing to donate to anyone.. just to spread those genes around. the smarter guys stick around to see that the offspring are protected.. and try to choose females with
good motherhood genes (usually translated as nice ****..)

The females choose the best genes and then ..go after the donor..
and the guy who can provide for the offspring..
Been this way for the last 50,000 or so years.
And it worked.. since they all died by age 40 or so..

Except we ain't dying.. Now what do we do..?

Our sex-drive has calmed down.. and we start asking ourselves
'who am I..?'..'what do I want out of life..?'.
(a bad sign is when they haven't.. means they're still in kid mode)

Pretty much turns out we want the same things.. but we don't know how to express it.. to another.. or sometimes even to ourselves..

So..my answer.. depends on age. Yes.. both still want sex..
but now it means something different. It's no longer the focus of a
relationship.. it's an expression of it.

Sher

There is no hell,
nor a heaven..
unless of our own making..

For now.. let's just go home and make some coffee..

Absolutely beautiful, Lady..

eloquent..

Corinna, Corinna.. gal where ya been so long..?
I ain't had no lovin.. since you been gone..

I once loved a woman.. a child I am told..
I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul

and yes, there is something you can send back to me..
Spanish boots.. of Spanish leather..

It was President Kennedy callin me up..!
He said my friend Bob what do we need
to make the country grow..?

You are right from your side
and I am right from mine..
we're just one to many mornings
and a thousand miles
behind..

Bob who..?

The Rocky Horror Picture Show..
Let's do the Time Warp again..!

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension..
Remember.. no matter where you go.. there you are.

The Wizard of Oz..
and your little dog, too..!

Galaxy Quest..
By Balthor's Hammer.. you will be avenged.

Loved the poem.. and thank you for sharing it..

One small disagreement..:-)

"Loving someone who can never love you back can be unbearable,"
True.. yet you bear it..

"The damages it does to your heart overwhelming and irreparable, "
It does not damage you.. bearing it makes you stronger..
as you said..

"When you can love them even when their darkest moment in life comes,
You discover how deep your capacity for empathy and kindness runs. "

Sher

and all it takes is a pair of eyes..
and the heart to see..

Liked this very much..:-)

Reminds me of Holme's comment..
"You see, Watson.. but you do not observe"..:-)

Thank you for sharing.. and yes, sadly, it makes sense..

"We were two unhappy people looking for
someone else to make us happy "

Thanks for sharing this..
My Mom passed many years ago, but the memories are still there..

Mom.. thanks so much for those homemade chocolate chip cookies..

Sher

According to the BBC, translations of Rumi have sold more than a 250,000 copies in the United States. The Mevlevi Sufi order was founded in 1273 by Rumi's followers after his death.

So perhaps your guess is wrong..

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic..?

> About half way.


A rabbi, a duck, a cop and a priest go into a bar..

> The bartender said 'What is this.. a joke..?'


He: So, ya wanna come up to my place and get friendly..?
She: Sure.. when they stop spelling 'weigh' with an 'f'..
He: Huh..? There's no 'f' in weigh..
She: That's what I said..

Never Said

We may say we can love but too often
We search for that one person
to fill our needs.

Then it eventually dawns that it's
not about us.. but about the other.
Only then can we learn to love.

Only then we will meet someone we wanted nothing from
and found in them a beautiful soul
that we knew would never be ours.

They don't need me and I am strangely content
If they are happy, I am happy..
I need nothing more.

There is freedom in this loving, I've found..
Needs I thought needed filling
are no longer there..

No need to express it, needing its return..
That would place some obligation
and this love needs no reward..

Because my heart knows how to silently say
I love you
and that is enough.

When you are ready, you will find a heart..
and it will tell you.. but not in words.
The loving heart speaks silently..

And to the heart that spoke to me long ago
Please forgive my need to hear the words.
Too late did I learn my lesson.