So this is the first attempt I've made at online dating. A little background about me, I am a child at heart, I met my husband and I was a super social happy person, we have 2 awesome sons together. In ten years he never remember Christmas, a birthday, Mother's Day, anniversary... And I always made excuses "that's a guy thing for you" but he was what I now know to be verbally avusive which turned into physical abuse. I have finally gotten strong enough to part ways with him and everyone keeps telling me how I will meet a man who will cherish me blah blah blah. But I started to wonder- do men really do all that romantic stuff or is it just a thing from movies and books? And am I being selfish even looking? Should I wait til my kids are grown (they are 6 and 8) and would men be interested in a platonic first relationship... So many questions! Thank u for taking the time to read my ramble... I appreciate it :)

So many questions but there are WAY more answers. Just go and get what you want with the healthiest possible balance of head & heart while being always protective & catious for those 2 little ones. Trust me, ending up with violent father figure can force a good hearted child to spend his life using their good heart to battle demons that were introduced through that father/father figure.
Remember, almost every monster will hide their face from you until they feel that control over you.
Be careful, be patient, protect your angels & hell yes the best things are possible. Believe it & you've already done the hardest part ...the believing.
All the best to you, if you deserve it, then there isn't much in your way. Don't allow yourself to see it as unattainable or even complicated.

Well. First off good topic Op.. for your first one and hopefully not your last ...
And to answer your question yes of course there are men out there that are very romantic.. they remember anniversaries they remember birthdays.. they bring you flowers.. just because they want to...
But I have discovered that in order for this to happen, they truly have to love you and be in love with you.. and want nothing more than to make you happy.. now that being said,..
Not all men Express themselves the same way... one man might bring you flowers another man might detail your car for you..lol.. but the sentiment is the same ,they are showing you that they care. For your well-being... now some men don't place a lot of value on birthdays and anniversaries.. for them it's just another day.. it does not mean they don't care.. perhaps they're just busy trying to stay upright in the land of milk and honey... perhaps they just don't remember these important dates.. they don't write it down on calendar... I have discovered women are very good at remembering things like birthdays and anniversaries..
Us men not so much..lol.. but when it is brought to a man's attention, he should at least make the attempt to acknowledge that it is a special day...
Ie run out to the store get you flowers..
Perhaps give you a big hug and a kiss and say happy birthday sweetheart sorry I got busy with life and forgot..

The problem comes when they know there's an event coming up and they don't do anything ...or if they forgot but refused to acknowledge that it is a special day.. even after you reminded them ..well. if that's the case you have a bit of a douche bag on your hands..yup

** You will find many good past topics on
* Single Parents Dating and relationships. Most often the kids never know about any outside relationships till long after it has become clearly a permanent one.
* Some single parents make it clear that no family change will ever happen.
* Enjoy reading many past "topics" that detail the information you need.

I'd suggest STOP looking for a man...especially when the relationship you just left isn't finished (separated)..focus on yourself (without a man) and your kids....we're all stupid anyway

If you guys are just separated then Isaac makes a very valid point.. execpt his last sentence, speak for yourself ...personally I'm what would be hatched from Gandalf's butt if he were molested by Merlin....A f**king prodigy!

I have to agree. This is more of a distraction after bedtime and during school hours when I want to text him I am just keeping myself distracted. I deactivated my Facebook as well. I'm not really looking for anything just to keep myself from caving and texting him. I got the court papers filed yesterday and that emotionally exhausted me!

Tough situation.. but some observations:

* Yes.. be careful of your children. Not to put too fine a point on it.. pedophiles do exist. Better to wait a while before introducing
anyone to them..

* Working on yourself is a very good idea. You want to get to where you want a man.. but don't *need* one..

* Yes, it's okay to want sex and to get it. Just don't give yourself away. Same for affection..

* Try http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/
A good place to meet people in a similar situation..
providing a social life for you and the kids..

* Be aware that the ex- may co e back, swearing he has changed..
He hasn't.. get a restraining order.

Good luck..

Given your bad experience, just one caution: watch out for the people who DO remember dates and birthdays and stuff, but only do it as a manipulation. I've known people, and suffered myself, from abusers who put on a show of being "thoughtful."

But yes, there really are wonderful and normal people in the world.

Welcome to mingle Mely

Wow. I can imagine how overwhelmed you must feel!

Congrats on having the courage to keave your abusive marriage , and whatever you do, please dont take him back. Its been said that when victims return to their abusers that the abuse gets even worse because they are comfortable that there will be no consequences.

The advice shared by sher ten is very wise so I quoted him above.

Apart from that, I agree with Igor. Many men use romance as a tool for weakening your defenses so they can get what they want from you so please be watchful of that.

Stay active in the forums if you can .There is quite a warm supportive community of people here.

Ignore all emailers till you are more acquainted with the dynamics of this site. Many are scammers..

Good luck to you and those beautiful boys of yours!

Whether love is real or just a fantasy, depends on how we see it.
Even if people will try to convince about their own definition of love, at the end of the day, its still you, who will decide on what to believe in. I choose to believe in love. Despite of its imperfections, and the torment it brings, I still wanted to hold on the idea that someday, I will have what I hoped for. Besides, I believe love is in all of us. It starts within ourselves. We dont need partners to justify our capacity to love and be loved.
Maybe this can be considered a great fantasy, but theres no harm in making this a reality for myself

*microphones*

"Caaaught in a laaaand-sliiiide, no es-cape from re-al-i-tyyyy..."

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and advice

I really want to not hate movies and music ... But I am in such a bitter state.

I'm not even telling the kids I'll ever date again we always called our family "team Noriega" yea daddy's gone (and they don't even miss him... But I told them the three of us will always be the "three amigos"

That;s very sweet Mely. This experience will bring you guys even closer together and those boys will be guarding you with their life , which will make you fall even more in love with them

The biterness is natural, and the pain, and the confusion and all the other feelings that accompany the horror you been through,

Hopefully the forum and your fiends and family will give you a laugh here and there while you go through all of this

There are men out there like that for sure. I knew lots who cherished their gals but went very unappreciated unfortunately. Focus on what you want and not what you don't want. There is that guy for you. Ignore the negativity...that's their experience only..doesn't need to be yours.

Often that which is called love is not.

It's just as hard working out what it is as it is working out what it isn't.
One thing I believe I know is its at its best when it is mutually given and received.

I also believe that giving love when it is not returned can be an uplifting experience.
Though caution must be used in ensuring the recipient doesn't utilise your love to diminish you.

Love is the answer.
Now what was the question?

Love ia reall.. because I can to love real

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I have to agree. This is more of a distraction after bedtime and during school hours when I want to text him I am just keeping myself distracted. I deactivated my Facebook as well. I'm not really looking for anything just to keep myself from caving and texting him. I got the court papers filed yesterday and that emotionally exhausted me!

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WoW. Were to START

1/ You just filed court papers ? And your ready to date ??

2/ Your kids are NOT your defenders or The three Amigos ???
* You are the primary PARENT.
3/ Your children have a RIGHT to be children !!
* They LOVE their dad and will continue to see him.
* Your relationship problems are not the children's.
4/ Get (free) relationship counseling now, as most courts will order it later.
5/ Now that your "filed", a Children's Aid Worker will visit weekly and guide you on the traumatic feelings of your children.
6/ Your Ex. will (if your lucky) help to raise the children on weekends and holidays.
7/ Expect to raise your children at a MUCH lower economic level.
8/ The more involved your ex. is with his children the longer you may expect "child support". Most pay for 3 to 6 months (good luck)
9/ At the age of your children Expect numerous psychological problems. Start reading lots about it. (available at the library or shelter)


10/ Welcome to Mingle2 Personally: Focus fully on Your problems.

Wow is eroti your ex? Because he seems to know you well. ..either that or he's making a lot of ASSumptions.....